Trying to fight it

The day it started

It was about 2:00 in the morning an I woke up from this dream that my dad was raping me in my sleep,So I checked to see if I had my clothes on an I didn't so did I take them off? or did my dad? So I get up an put the on an I notice sum blood but I didn't get my period because I was 4 at the time so I run out my door to my parents room an tell them it was blood on my bed then I notice my father was the only one up with me so he told me to go lay down an that I had a bad dream. When I know he had did it so I went back to my room an sat in the corner he had did that lots of times even during the day. When I turned 10 it was my birthday an I had a Unicron themed party I was with all my friends playing. When my dad called me in to have a talk about my age an what it meant to be a beautiful young lady, then he took me to their room an raped me again I tried to scream and fight but it was useless he was bigger an stronger than me so I just ladyed there while he did it. It hurt a lot but there was nothing I could do,after that I just went to my room and went to sleep when I wake up I'm still tired but get out the bed because I haven't ate and I was STARVINGGGG so I get up out of be an go to the kitchen an get a bag of chips when I trip over something and fall hard and next thing you know my legs broken and that was pure shit cuz yeah no that day I had just learned or I should say found out that my mama had died so I started crying and crying I couldn't stop then my dad left and I went to a foster home but then I see someone that looks like my mom but she is dead right? Or did they just tell me that? So both parents left and I just was alone scared no one to actually love me. When I hit 11 still in foster care an I started cutting my self on my right arm that's when I knew even thru I was a child I had the pain inside I shouldn't have to feel. Depression, anxiety, no parents, cutting myself at ever chance I got I thought my life was over but then my mama walks in the door like I wasn't left here she takes me to my Nana's house an that's when my life turns into hell,I walk in an she just stares at me so I say hi an.i jus go to my room at her house they talk an by the time they get done talking I'm inside my head an when that happens it's best to just leave me alone because I could start crying or have a breakdown or something else so that's when it started when I was just 4