If only I knew...

a pause

Ryan and I's relationship was suffering from up and downs

I tried my hardest to keep us going, I was always the first to message him and I was the one who tried to keep our conversation going, I was constantly left on read and I was tired of it

When he would call me I would think that the next day he will message me and we will be just like we were before, but he never did

I was tired of pushing my worth and ego down and down so I pretended like I needed to ask his mother for something and things like that just so I could talk to him

I didn't feel the effort from his side, this all lasted till December 14

I sent him a photo of my suitcase, I always teased him with my arrival to Russia but due to pandemic I wasn't able to fly to Russia for over 4 years

My suitcase was out because I was shifting my room, he asked where I was packing my things to

I didn't tell him saying that it's a surprise, he soon was bored and said:
(It's a Google translate from the original)
"It’s so cool to communicate with you, you can immediately see a sociable girl . You just tell everything"

It was clear to me that he was upset so I said : (Google translate from the original)
"Oh, it's funny to hear from you. You who doesn't message until I message to you"

He said : (Google translate from the original)
"You who: “Damn, I need to write on business, I don’t want to write to him, I thought for a week, and only then I wrote"

Here's the Google translation of my message

"Well, actually, I didn’t think that I would tell you this, but it began to seem to me that you were not interested in talking to me.
And I want to write to you and I sometimes get mad when I don’t hear from you, so I message you but mask it as if I want something"

He said: (Google translate from the original)
"interesting, just wanted to pause
I thought we had nothing to talk about anymore and took a pause"

If only I knew the real reason why he wanted to take a pause...

If only I knew...