If only I knew...

It's been 4 months since our last conversation, I haven't messaged him once

I still see him following my social media, he's practically stalking me even though he doesn't show it I feel his presence

Many tears were shed listening to songs and finding him in them

Endless sleepless nights, a sad playlist playing non stop

His "betrayal", his dryness, his cold shoulder all played a role in this, when he told me he just broke up with his girlfriend I didn't know what to feel, I didn't know how to react, we were "just friends" after all

His "we are not official yet" only meant that he was seeing another girl, yes I was dating another guy but I only wanted him

He traded me for another girl that was not far away, he traded a connection we had for over 5 years to someone else

All I can say is "I guess you didn't cheat but you're still a trader"

You know I don't know if I'm right or not but he could have atleast told be before he broke up with her, instead he chose to crawl right back when he was on verge of a break up with her

Alex Adams a youtuber has a podcast "between you and me" she shared my story there and said an interesting phrase "bread crumbs"

And I think this is exactly what he did to me, he gave me bread crumbs, teased me with his attention, made me crave it more and more

If only I knew what I'll have to go through...

If I had a chance to go back in time would I change all of the decisions I made from meeting him till my goodbye?

No

I think whatever happened happened for a reason, I think that I learnt alot in this connection

I learnt my self worth, I am learning self love due to this connection, I learnt that I should not stay in connections like this and you shouldn't too

You deserve much much better behaviour towards you than you think, you are worth the whole universe and you shouldn't forget that

With this chapter I am ending our connection, I want to fall in love with a person who treats me how I deserve to be treated and I hope I will never go back to him

Although this was a long journey full of arguments, struggles, fights it was still a really beautiful one, I had so much fun with him and I hope he did too

I don't blame the girl he dated, I don't blame anyone

And if you feel like getting something off of your shoulders you should definitely try to write about it

I wrote this in two days and I already feel much better, you can't believe how happy I am right now

Thank you everyone for being with me through this journey, thank you for reading my chapters, I hope there weren't any mistakes because I was writing how it came,

It all flowed in like a river so I hope it wasn't messy. And as always

If only I knew....