depressed / / 5sos

Love

It started when I was about 13. I've noticed that I started ignoring everyone. First, it was my parents. God, I hate them. They always complain to me, about grades, friends... Anything that doesn't appeal to me. Then, it was my friends. I started tuning everyone out, like I couldn't hear them. I had a boy best friend, his name was Caspar. I used to call him Caspy, for short. He was the only one I didn't ignore... We would go away from the school at lunch time, just to eat by ourselves. We hated the people we were surrounded by. One day, he ditched me for a bunch of sluts. I'm never going to forget that day. That day, I lost my best friend. I lost everyone. The only things that make me happy is 5 Seconds Of Summer, American Horror Story, and my kitten. Other than that, I pretty much hate everything. Including myself. I can't stand the way I look. I have wavy thick brown hair that goes up to my mid-back. I wish I could dye it, but my mom won't let me. I have green eyes, which I find the only thing attractive about me. I have a snotty, bratty, bitchy attitude. I'm 5'7", and I'm 17, turning 18 in 4 days. I have a belly button piercing, nose piercing, and a double ear piercing. I also smoke way too much. I have tattoos, which are very little. I also don't eat much because I think I'm fat. I want to be skinny. The worst thing about me, is my name. Love. What a sickening name. To name me something that I will never have. Today, I skipped school. Why go to a hell where everyone is just going to look at you, judge you, and think you're a freak? That's no hell where I'd want to be. Instead of going to school I stayed home, smoked, watched 5SOS, then went to smoke more. I started smoking when I was 15. When I was 15 I smoked, cut myself, and tried committing suicide. I remember I was too scared to jump off of something, so I remember I took a lot of pills instead. I woke up in a hospital, getting my stomach pumped. They sent me to a mental hospital for a few months. A lot of people have offered me drugs, weed... I just don't do that shit. I like smoking. That's all. Today was different from all the other days I skipped school. I skipped school for about a week now, hoping everyone thinks I'm dead. I wish I was. I didn't know how long I skipped school until I got a call from an unknown caller.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Love? Is this Love?" A worried-boy voice spoke into the phone.

"No. It's Luke Hemmings." I rolled my eyes.

"Good, I know it's you. Listen, I know we haven't talked..." The voice seemed recognizable.

"Caspar?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's me, Caspy."

"Oh. So why'd you call?"

"Wanted to make sure you're alright, you don't come to school anymore."

"I'm surprised you actually pay attention to me, and why should I? Those whores that you hangout with don't seem to like me since they took you away from me."

"I miss you. I'm sorry... I just don't know what I was thinking."

I thought.

"Well what do you want?" I ask.

"To be friends, best friends."

"Why?"

"I miss our old times together. I don't want them to just turn to memories." He said.

"Fine. Let's hangout tomorrow after school." I said, demandingly.

"Sounds good to me." He laughed.

God, I missed that laugh. I don't want our friendship to fall apart again, I mean, we met in 4th grade and been best friends since. I'm not going to let that slide. One more chance wouldn't hurt.

"Okay, see you then." I said, then hung up.