My Killer Soulmate (Tronnor AU)

Chapter 11//Troye

I sit down on one of the lawn chairs that someone in the building had set up here. I wonder if that person likes to come up here at night and think. I'm trying to think about anything but the situation at hand. I'm absolutely terrified by what is happening to me. I've never let myself get this caught up over one person, I've made sure that I didn't get close enough to anyone so that they wouldn't get hurt. Connor's different though, there is no way in the world that I could make him leave and I know for a fact that he doesn't want to.

I know that I shouldn't be jealous of Tyler but I can't help but envy the relationship that they have. It's so easy for them to talk to each other and they are so physically comfortable around each other. I wish that I could just skip all this awkward fake bullshit stuff with Connor and get to the real stuff. I understand him being cautious around me, I mean I did try to kill him the first time that we met.

Jealousy is kind of a new feeling to me in the way that I just felt it. I mean I've been jealous of people having like normal lives and stuff but I've never been jealous like romantically. It scares me that I already care for Connor this much but I don't want to stop caring for this man. He's such a unique soul like I've never met before. He's shy at times yet he's a social butterfly and loves talking to people. He enjoys long walks and star gazing with his friends, he likes having deep conversations with people about life and how you shouldn't wait for anything. I've never been on the receiving end of one of those conversations but I can't wait until the day I am. Just looking around his room this morning before getting up, I could tell that he is the artsy type. Though from what Dan and Phil told me he stifled that side of him in his younger years to try to fit in.

I don't really like that I learned all of these things form a paper that Dan and Phil gave me. It makes me feel like I'm cheating somehow. I would much rather have learned everything about Connor by being around Connor. I wish I could start over with him so that we could do this all right. I guess there is no use in wishing for the past to be better or wondering what the future might hold. I need to live for now and right now my soul mate is cuddled up to our best friend on our couch. I shouldn't feel like this, I shouldn't have run away like that like I'd walked in on them doing the dirty.

Admitting things to myself hasn't always been my strongest quality but right now I don't think I can deny it anymore. I have feelings for Connor that are much stronger then what they should be seeing as we've only know each other a short time. I can't get the thought of pressing my lips to his tender pink ones out of my head and frankly it's bothering me that I can't just go in there wake him up and kiss him. I mean I could if I wanted him to get mad at me and slap the shit out of me. I feel like a lot of things are going to end up being blurred into each other because this relationship is so not normal. 

Cuddling to me feels so intimate and personal and Connor has no trouble doing that for me when I need him to keep my bad dreams away. Connor is the kind of person that I would think would really have to be comfortable around someone to let them cuddle them. He seems like the kind of person that cherishes things like that yet he didn't give a second thought to cuddling me and sleeping in the same bed as me. Maybe he's not over thinking every little detail like I am and he just thinks that he's just helping me sleep. For some reason though I think it's a bit more than that. The way we look at each other and the way that his arms feel so perfect wrapped around my waist, it's something special and I don't want to take things to fast and make him uncomfortable.

It's dark by the time I head back down to the apartment, the halls are quiet as I walk them. I unlock the door to the apartment and step inside hoping that Tyler is gone. I love Tyler to death but I don't really think I can handle seeing him right now especially if he's wrapped up in my soul mates arms. Jealousy is a weird feeling and it's like a monster. I feel like in the right situation jealousy could make me do and say things that I wouldn't otherwise do.