Infatuation (PLL Emison AU)

Pain and Suffering

A/N: A while ago I shared that someone had done a beautiful video edit and sent it to me by e-mail. I never knew who the sender was. But someone on Twitter mentioned they'd seen some edits of my stories being done and sent me the link (thank you for that, Lyssa!), so now I can FINALLY say...THANK YOU emisvnq on Instagram for the beautiful work. Everyone needs to stop what they're doing and go look at all the wonderful edits on emisvng's page (not just the ones about my stories...they're all beautiful).

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Chapter 32:

Pain and Suffering

The week went by in a in a blur. Time didn't feel real. It was an endless vast black hole that continued to suck them dry.

Wake up.

Go to work.

Come home.

Shower.

Go to bed.

It was so...mundane. The routine was hard to follow, but in a way it gave Alison the structure she needed to do what she promised Emily she'd do...stay clean.

She had to think of killing in terms of addiction to understand it. She knew it wasn't exactly the same, but she shared similar traits to a junkie.

Craving it.

Needing it.

The calling was so strong. She didn't trust herself.

She didn't mind the tracker. Emily had been up front about it. The station had all kinds of tools at their disposal, so it hadn't been a surprise when Emily came home with it.

The brunette hadn't tried to trick her. She hadn't lied to her. She'd been honest about her intentions.

It was a bizarre concept to Alison...being that open. But she loved Emily more than anything in the world. Her wife was worth the effort.

Emily wasn't her only motivation. Something inside of Alison had shifted when all of her memories had come crashing back to her. The dam had broken. She'd been different.

Broken.

Emily wasn't sure if it was sadness or shock, and she wasn't sure if it would swell into rage. She had no idea what to expect.

Alison stuck to the hospital and home. She opted to try and keep herself busy by distracting herself at work. Every move she made was predictable. Half the time the detective didn't even look at the tracker. She just felt better that Alison was wearing it.

Emily didn't spend much time at home and they didn't have lunch together every day anymore.

To the brunette's credit, she was there for her wife when the nightmares tried to swallow Alison whole.

Two nights ago Alison had stiffened in bed like she was going to have a seizure, letting out a piercing scream.

It woke Emily from a dead sleep. Alison kept shouting, "NO!" at the top of her lungs while punching at the air and kicking her legs like she was fighting to get someone off of her.

Her night terrors had come back in full force now that she remembered everything.

She was in hell.

She'd spent her entire life believing she had murdered her family in cold blood when she was seven years old. She'd based everything in her life on that. Knowing she hadn't been a brave conniving little girl...that she just stood in that room screaming in shock and covered in blood made her feel wildly unstable. She couldn't handle the loss of control.