three is god

1: death of a god

Warm air filled my lungs as I stared at the horizon, cloudless and bright. Perspiration traveled down at the side of my temples as heat emanated from the blinding sun above me. Rustling wind brushed past me, blowing my hair and clothing against my heated skin. The endless sky surrounded all of my mortal body, the skyscrapers became a speck against it.

My body was tense as fear crept into my heart, circulating along with my blood, and eventually reaching my brain. It was stupid to be standing here, fifty feet above the ground. My white shoes were just an inch from the edge of the school building. My heartbeat harshly as I try to understand the loud noise around me.

I wanted to be a coward and just postpone this for tomorrow. My mind battled to live like I used to for another day or to trust my instincts, to free myself for once and for all.

I waited for a cloud to pass by or for a storm to brew on the horizon, yet nothing appeared. Taking a deep breath, I took small steps backward just enough for my shoes to be dangling on the safer side of the edge. Despite my tensed legs, I turned around to face the rooftop where I was standing. I waited again. I waited for the rooftop door to open to a person barging in asking me what I was doing and why I was there. There was none. Then, with a final breath, I let my legs relax and fall like I was flying.

"Ahh!"

A loud shriek interrupted our entire school. At three o'clock in the afternoon, our last class before the school bell rings, everyone in my class turned their heads to look out the window. Everybody was startled and had a questioning look on their face.

I sat beside one of the windows on the fourth row. I also looked outside at the sudden commotion, having an inkling of what has happened. There, on the ground, is splattered blood and a lifeless body wearing the same clothing as everyone inside our class. Teachers and other school staff immediately surround the body in hopes of hiding what happened and preventing more trauma to the fragile students.

I heard gasps and whispers behind me before a loud voice boomed.

"Close the curtains and stay seated, students," the male teacher commanded. He was teaching us something earlier before the incident. The shock on his face earlier was now gone and replaced with tension.

Every student who was standing went back to their seats, while I and the others who were beside the windows followed his command and closed the curtains.

"Let's continue our lesson," he said in a tensed voice. No one said yes nor rejected his command because of the commotion. He turned his back on us and proceeded to write something on the whiteboard.

As I stand beside the pavement where I saw the lifeless body weeks before, a curious feeling crept into my bones. I felt it a thousand times and years before. It's like a conscience after a sin, I buried it a hundred feet below but it always crawls back into the surface.

Hours after the incident, after the bell rang and all the students went home, I remembered staying and hiding behind the shadows of the school. I watched a school staff, with a bucket full of liquid solution beside him while tightly holding a metal bristle broom, wash the pavement thoroughly, removing all the remnants of the lifeless body. And here I was, inspecting the clean pavement. Searching for even a drop of blood but there was nothing left.

I averted my eyes from the pavement and turned my head up to the sky. I looked at the edge of the building, wondering where the body fell from. The rooftop was still free from safety railings. I guess multiple students jumping off from the same rooftop within the same year is not enough for them to take caution or care.

There was no wind nor do I have wings. I was just falling. My curiosity got the best of me. My eyes stayed on the enormous cloudless sky as it crushed me to the ground. Seconds fly by as if it's just another day.

Oxygen was knocked out of my lungs as my back hit the ground hard. I heard my spine crack. Then, my neck, arms, fingers, hips, legs, and toes. My skull fractured enough, squishing my brain. A rush of heat circulated through my body and then, I felt cold. Blood dripping from all of my broken parts.

It fucking hurt.

My lungs refused to expand as a broken rib was stabbed into them—another one into my heart. I was going to die like the lifeless body I saw. I was another spectacle yet no teacher and staff came to my aid. It was dead silent. I remember the noise around me on the rooftop, it was nothing but my beating heart. No one was here. Saturday was a rest day but for me, it was my death day.

I closed my eyes and took another useless and pained breath. I was curious once again.

Who would be the first one to find my lifeless body here?

I would like to know but...

I exhaled.

My lungs continued to expand and contract freely. My heart beat normally as none of my ribs were broken. My spine, neck, arms, fingers, hips, legs, and toes seemed to work fine as I stood without any slight pain. My brain was intact. I felt the heat on my skin as blood circulated along my nerves. I smiled. Once again, I was standing on the rooftop, my feet inches before the same edge I fell from. I stared at the horizon. It was the same as a few seconds before. Not a cloud nor a storm appeared.

My first death was a success. The fear that crept all over my mortal body was gone. I felt freer and me.

The fear of death is now beyond me. Death is inevitable for my mortal being but being a god, death is just another word for rebirth.