pink nights / sally face

in larry's head

larry's pov

it was the first day of october and the leaves had already started turning orange. i sat on my balcony with a hoodie, it felt cooler than i remember it being last year.

i sketched a bare tree into my notebook. i drew its leaves surrounding the trunk. the tree looked sad to have lost these pieces of itself. it must suck to rebuild yourself every year. a breeze picked up and i looked out onto the lake, it was getting more and more visible by the day with this wind undressing the branches.

the wind was defeating my hoodie and i was too cold to draw now. i shut my notebook and sighed. something felt off.

i thought about y/n. i hadn't talked to her since we all week bowling, which was a week ago now. i couldn't find out why we felt so distant so suddenly. i mean, i don't know she feels that way ... i don't even know if that's really how i feel. something just feels ... off. y/n is funny and kind. she's got such a sweet face and i always love the way she dresses. we get along so well and it feels like we understand each other. i know there's something there, all i want to do is keep her safe and see her smile ... when did things change between us? nothing bad even happened! if anything, i should feel excited. we didn't put a label on it but ... we had moments of closeness and vulnerability.

i started to feel sick. maybe i had moved too fast? maybe i was getting caught up in the excitement of infatuation? i knew i was inexperienced with romance but this confusion was a surprise. i didn't expect relationships to be so difficult. i had talked to girls before, i felt almost as if i was good at it. why was i slipping up with, y/n? that day we went bowling, i could barely talk to her.

i started to get frustrated. i stood up from my chair and stormed into the living room. "fuck!" i threw my notebook on the couch. "oh my fucking god!" why was i such a screw up? i pull a risky move and can't follow through. i felt like a bitch. what kind of pussy tells a girl he's into her and then freezes up?

i clenched my fist and paced back and forth. what the fuck is wrong with me? over and over i ridiculed myself. i felt like not only had i embarrassed myself, but i started to feel guilty for doing this to y/n. she moves here, we're all friends, and i have to go fuck it up. and for what? because i'm lonely? you show her a couple of drawings and all of a sudden you're in love with her? really? you think that's how it works? you know you're just hung up on ash. yeah, that's right. you PUNK. you think you can just use people? using y/n as some kind of distraction?! like she's a rebound? just admit it. you're hung up on ash and you're jealous of sal. sal and ash went off to school together while you stayed behind. sal has obviously had a thing for ash forever and what? you think you can just butt in? take your best friend's love interest? oh you fucking-

"hey, you okay?"

i looked up. i had wandered outside again.

"hey buddy? you good?" my next door neighbor leaned over his balcony railing.

i sniffled and called back, "u-uh, yeah. sorry."

he chuckled awkwardly, "okay. just don't jump." he joked trying to lighten the mood. i could hear his door slide open and then shut behind him.

i wiped my eyes with my hoodie, "jesus christ." a breakdown outside? for everyone to see? i laughed to myself. maybe this is what i needed. i've been holding these feelings in for too long, the situation with y/n was only the cherry on top. i've been holding resentment against my friends for no reason and now using y/n as a distraction. i like y/n a lot and i've grown to care about her more and more but it's not right to lead her on when i'm hung up on someone else.

i leaned against the railing and hung my head down. when did things get so complicated? high school was so much easier. i sighed again, now i have to break the news to y/n that i'm a piece of shit.

author's note

OOOOHH drama :) also, idk how i feel about switching POVs but this was crucial to the storyline so it had to be done! what do you guys think though? do u wanna see more POV switches or just first person?