THE DARE | BWWM 18+ (editing)

xxxviii - forgive me father

I R I S

___________________

This is bad.

This is really, really bad.

I've been avoiding Luciano since the dream and I think he's getting suspicious. I've made sure to definitely lock the bedroom at night in case I start to sleepwalk or some shit.

I'm so mad at myself for having that dream even though I couldn't control it. It feels wrong, and I've been trying to figure out if I should tell Leo or not because it's eating away at me.

I mean what if he breaks up with me when I tell him I had a sex dream about his dad? That would be completely understandable, but I don't want to lose him. I love him, and I miss him.

After scouring the internet for some answers, I decided to set up an appointment with a therapist. It might be excessive, but I need to vent about this, and I can't vent to Josh cause he and Xavier went on vacation and have been MIA for a while. There's an emergency line but I'm not going to mess up his vacation cause my mind can't stop wandering.

My appointment is in ten minutes and I'm already sitting in the office lobby. My legs are shaking in anticipation because I'm about to bare my soul to a total stranger and I'm not sure how to feel about it. Maybe some music will help.

"Iris James?" A voice yells over my music and I take my airpods out.

"Right here," I reply and the woman gestures for me to follow her. As I follow her into her office, she closes the door behind us and we both take a seat.

"Hello, Ms. James, I'm Dr. Alexis. What brought you here today?"

Where do I even start? How do you do therapy? Am I supposed to be like 'Forgive me father for I have sinned?' This therapy thing is hard and I haven't even started yet.

"Could you please speak up? I didn't catch all of that." Dr. Alexis says and I realize that I was speaking out loud again.

"Um, I'm just new to this whole therapy thing. I'm not sure where to start.'

"It's okay. What's on your mind at this moment right now?

"My boyfriend..."

"And?"

"And his dad," I almost whisper but Dr. Alexis hears me and her eyes widen a little. She grabs her notepad and starts to write something down. Well, that's not scary at all.

"I'm assuming you're here because of the dad dilemma," she starts and I nod.

"Tell me everything that's happened, and only what you feel comfortable telling me now."

I don't want to bear my soul to this stranger but the weight of this dream is too much for me, so here goes nothing.

"My boyfriend is in jail, and I had a sex dream about his father."

"Yikes. That's a lot to unpack there," she closes her notepad and crosses her legs. Great, I feel like I'm in the principal's office.

"Yes. But the thing, I don't want his dad at all. I'm in love with my boyfriend. That man may be a little psycho, but he's my psycho, and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with him," I start to ramble. The doctor just looks at me and I get nervous so I keep talking.

"I've been feeling so guilty because he doesn't deserve that, but I cannot control it. I couldn't control the dream but I can control myself which is why I never did anything inappropriate in real life. Is my mind just playing tricks on me? Because I feel like a terrible person right now." I let out a huge sigh and she nods.

"Well first of all Ms. James, you are not a terrible person at all. I can see the way you light up when you talk about your boyfriend. Your whole demeanor changed, your shoulders got less tense, and you even slouched more. It's like you're sinking into your boyfriend by just thinking about him, so I can see the love there."

"Thank you," I sweetly smile because Leo hasn't left my mind at all.

"Do you know where dreams come from?" She asks and I shake my head no. "Dreams come from our subconscious, meaning that you are right. You have no control over what you dream about. Dreams are stories that our minds create for us while we're sleeping, so they don't have to make sense at all."

"So what are you saying Dr.?"

"Would you say that your boyfriend and his dad look alike?"

"Absolutely," I laugh. "They could practically be twins." She smiles and looks at me. "What?"

"It's your subconscious playing tricks on you. You miss your boyfriend because he's incarcerated, so it dumps all of those feelings about him to the person who looks just like your boyfriend, his dad. You know the difference, but your subconscious does not."

"Huh-" I was freaking out over nothing?

"In simpler words, your mind confused your boyfriend's dad and your boyfriend because they look so alike."

"Wow, Dr. I never even thought about that. Thank you for helping me figure this out. I was going crazy on my own."

"It's what I'm here for. While I have you here, would you say you had a traumatic childhood?" I mean I killed my dad and my ex-boyfriend, so yes.

"Because when I gave you the floor to speak, you rambled as if you had to get all of your thoughts out at once, Or you wouldn't get to finish everything that you wanted to say. Were you often silenced as a child?" Yes.

"Yes, actually I was," I confess.

"Would you like to talk some more about it today if you have time?"

"Um, I would lo-"

I get cut off by the sound of my phone ringing. I look down and see that it's Luciano calling me.

"I'm sorry I have to take this."

I pick up the phone and Luciano is laughing already. "What is going on?" I question.

"Come home figlia, I have good news."

"I'm a little busy right now, what is it?"

"The lawyer found a loophole in Leo's case. He's coming home."

I scream out of excitement. He's coming home.

My baby's coming home!