Miracle | 𝘌𝘳𝘦𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘢 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘵

Miracle

Do miracles exist? I doubt it.

"You've always.. been at my side.."

And you are always in my mind. You never leave. You never let me sleep.

"Thank you. You showed me.. how to live with a purpose."

You are my life.

"Thank you. You wrapped this scarf around me. Thank you."

If miracles do exist, I would be with you by now but I am not. If miracles do exist, we would be happy together but we are not. We are not.

I want to change my mind. I want to be on their side. I want to love her because this just doesn't feel right to me. For once, my decision felt so wrong. Every time I think of her, it's when guilt kicks in the hardest. I have always wanted to live a life without walls but thinking about how happy we could've been in a life in the woods in our small little cabin, makes me think that living inside the walls forever is okay as long as I am with her.

I continued to walk in the middle of nowhere in this world I created and call my own. For the first time, I liked the feeling of the heat from the sun on my skin. This is my idea of freedom. I can imagine her smiling at me, telling me to smile as well. I can imagine her playing with the ends of the red scarf I gave her when she gets shy.

Mikasa.. how beautiful you are.

"Love.. that's wrong!" My eyes widened when I heard that sweet voice of hers. My heart thumped in excitement as I approach the cabin. I stayed in a safe distance and watched her laugh.. with another version of me. The one who sacrificed the world's freedom to pursue his own because let's face it. Removing the walls aren't freedom to him. It was always the girl who always looked out for him. It was the girl who treasured the red scarf the most. It was her. It was Mikasa.

"This doesn't feel right, Miki." The other me scratched his head, putting flour on his hair in the process. Not being able to do that in real life does not feel right as well. I noticed that this man's hair is not as long as mine. At the end of the day, I still want to look good in Mikasa's eyes. I want to be pleasing.

"It's right! Don't worry. Just hurry. I won't be able to teach you how to bake this if Lily wakes up." Lily? Who is Lily? Then suddenly, a loud cry echoed throughout the place, making Mikasa panic. She disappeared for a while and came back, carrying a baby that looks just like her. My heart now throbbed in pain as I watch that scene. A tear escaped from my eye. God.. just how much am I missing in life?

"Oh no, Lily. Do you want to play outside later? Hmm? Do you want to go to the river today? That's your favorite, isn't it?" The baby calmed down and instantly giggled when the other version of me started to talk to her. "You are growing too fast, my love." He smiled sadly and kissed the baby's cheeks.

"Don't you dare cry now. Mommy and Daddy are here." Mikasa rocked the baby back into sleep and went out of the kitchen for a while to put the baby back into the room. She came back with her hair tied into a messy bun. She is as beautiful as ever. I sighed as I try to stop myself from crying even more. She hugged the man from behind and rested her head on his back. "'Ren, thank you."

"For what, Miki?" He asked.

"For giving me this life. For making me happy. For existing. Without your existence, I wouldn't have become this happy. I love you a lot, 'Ren. So much." With that, I walked away and sat under a tree to rest and break down in tears. Seeing how happy I could've been with this kind of life with her hurts me. This could've been the life I had. We could've been so happy.

If miracles exist, that would be the life I am living right now.

If miracles exist, I wouldn't have to face such a terrible fate.

If miracles exist, I would be loving her freely.

Why does it have to be me? Why can't it be anyone else? Why me out of all people in the world? Why does it have to be me who should suffer from this kind of life? Why does it have to be me who has to leave everything behind

But I am still partially happy.

She'll live a long life. She'll experience the fanciest things in the world. She'll grow old with a family of her own. She'll travel and cross boundaries. She's gonna be so amazing and she'll live a wonderful life.

She's just not going to do it with me.

Miracles.. they probably don't exist.

But what if the miracle is that.. I even got the chance to meet you?