Addressing Everything

What Happened

Background Information and How I Lost Everything

Trigger warning for running away, trauma, depression, suicidal thoughts, cheating, abandonment, SA. Also I'm not going to disclose certain details because I don't feel comfortable sharing them.

I was going to start this with a joke, but decided against it. Here's what happened.

At the end of 2020, I finished Year 12 in New Zealand while living with my mom and I attempted to run away from home. I was gone for about 2-3 days (I can't quite remember) and I was forced to come home. When I did, I was then forced to go and live with my dad in America, under the guise that I had an option.

During the time I had run away, I was staying with my partner at the time. When I got home, I wasn't allowed to see them or talk to them until a few days before I left, as I had all of my devices taken away. At the time, I held them on a pedestal because I didn't truly believe I could find anyone that loved me like they had. At the time, I believed that everything would work out as long as we worked out. This turned to be, ya know, utter and complete bullshit.

Once I moved in with my dad in December, I thought things would be fine. I got my devices back, I was back in contact with my friends, and I was away from a household that I didn't really feel loved in. But about less then a month into everything, my dad went through my phone and my devices and took them away from me.

I was told that I was not allowed to contact any of my friends from New Zealand until I graduated or turned 18, I don't remember exactly. I was 16 at the time. I lost access to my phone and my chromebook. I would be starting school soon and I 'didn't need any distractions'.

Some of my friends attempted to reach out to me, and I appreciate them for it, while some, although I'm not sure, didn't really care. I attempted to reach out as well, getting caught and losing even more of my dad's trust.

I started high school in America and let's just say that I was a complete emotional wreck. I couldn't sleep unless I cried myself to sleep, my friends were constantly on my mind that I couldn't think of anything else, and I was torn between thinking I was justified in running away or that everything would be okay if I just stuck it out for another year.

I would soon come to make a friend that would try and help me get back in contact with my partner at the time, who had promised to wait for me and all that shit. Come to find out, when I messaged them asking if they were okay, they wanted to break up. This was only about 2 weeks into losing all my devices and I was so wracked with grief that I couldn't even go to my next class. I had to sit in the counselor's for an hour and a half because I couldn't stop crying.

I had a hard time functioning. I didn't talk to anyone at school unless they interacted with me first and I lost my voice. I was incredibly depressed and most days, it was hard to find the motivation to get out of bed. On top of that, a lot of my credits didn't transfer from New Zealand, so I had to take classes over the summer to make them up.

However, over the summer, I got a job. Sure, it was just a fast food place, but it really did help me get out of the shell I had encased myself into. Getting to know my coworkers, now friends(one of them actually had read one of my fanfictions), and learning how to stand up for myself really helped me become a person. Like, a functioning human being. Yes, I still have anxiety and depressive episodes here and there, but they aren't as prominent in my life as they were before. I actually started to enjoy spending time with my new friends and felt like what I said actually mattered.

Other than my job, there were two important things that played a massive role in me getting better. The first one was that I came out...kinda. I don't think I've told anyone on Wattpad this either, so I'll be coming out again. If you've been here for a while, you'll definitely know that I'm bisexual.