To Love or To Destroy [TWILIGHT]

Bargaining

It was sunrise now, the sun was slowly starting to rise. The sky was painted with oranges and reds, signaling the beginning of a new day. I sighed and slowly got off the bed. I'd been stuck in my thoughts for what seemed like minutes—but was apparently the whole night. I made my way over to the oval shaped mirror by the desk. It had a beautiful ornate frame that spiraled to surround the glass. With my newly heightened vision, I could see every speck of dust on the mirror that somewhat resembled sparkles.

I looked at myself in the mirror, something I hadn't done since my "transformation." What once were dark black eyes were now rose-red in color. My hair color also became a more vibrant dark red and seemed to have a shine. My skin, now ghostly pale looked as smooth as porcelain. I guess the Cullens weren't lying when they said I had become a vampire.

A soft knock on the door gently knocked me out of my stupor. "Come in," I said. I was too preoccupied with my raging thoughts when I first woke up that I hadn't paid attention to my voice. It sounded somewhat more melodic now. Like the kind of voice sirens would have.

Alice appeared in the doorframe with a little smile on her face. "Have you rested well?" She asked.

"Yes, thank you," I tried giving her a polite smile—as her and her family had been so welcoming so far.

"I came to show you the bathroom, if you need it. Follow me," Alice beckoned. I almost told her that I didn't need the bathroom when I realized I probably hadn't bathed in a while. Plus, a nice warm bath might just be what I needed to collect my thoughts. Maybe this could also be a chance to ask Alice for her aid in searching for Riley.

Alice led me through the wide corridors and into a quaint little bathroom. It had robin's blue walls and had a calming feel to it. I instantly relaxed as soon as I stepped foot onto its pristine flooring.

"Hey Alice," I called before she left me to bathe. She swiveled around, "Yes?"

"What about my parents? Could I.. visit them to let them know I'm alright? They must be worried sick," I asked. Alice gave me a sympathetic look and said, "I'm sorry Selene, but you're not allowed to inform humans of our existence. Also, you're just a newborn. You haven't learned to control your thirst yet. You may not intend to but you could hurt them if you visited them right now."

"Then what, they just think I've gone missing?" I asked worriedly. Worse, they might think I chose to leave them, considering how distant I'd been.

"Don't worry, we're going to take care of it. We have glamours to make humans believe certain things. We'll just glamour them into thinking you've decided to go on a healing trip and won't be back for a while," Alice explained. I nodded, giving her a quick thanks as she slipped out the door to give me privacy.

I took a warm shower and tried washing the past hours worth of worrying off of me. I dressed in the clothes Alice laid out for me—a pixie-like dress much like hers but in a light green swatch. I stepped out of the bathroom feeling refreshed and set out to find Carlisle. I needed to ask him about Riley.

I'd been exploring the Cullen house, trying to navigate my way around when I almost bumped into a giant muscular figure. "Hey, slow down there, newborn," Emmett chuckled.

"You're telling a vampire to slow down?" I asked, one of the first humorous things I've said in weeks. Emmett laughed at my dry humor so I took the opportunity to ask where the blonde vampire who saved me was currently at.

"Carlisle? He and Esmé are out hunting. What do you need to ask them? Maybe I could help," Emmett answered.

"Well I was just wondering if I could leave the house? I need to go visit Seattle. I need to find someone," I explained.

"Seattle? Who're you trying to find? I don't think you should be going to very crowded places at the moment. You're still a newborn, after all," Emmett said.

"What does that even mean—being newborn? What does it have to do with—thirst?"

"It means you cannot control your thirst very well yet. You may accidentally attack someone without meaning to. Newborns are also much stronger since their human blood still lingers in their bloodstream," the man named Jasper seemed to appear out of nowhere beside me.

"Well, when will I learn to control my thirst," I asked, getting quite irritated. I needed to get my best friend back and lately all I've been getting were more questions and no answers as to where he had gone. I knew if I told my parents this, they would chalk it up to my grieving. They would say I needed to accept that Riley was gone and was not going to return. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't just give up on him. I couldn't think of a world without him in it and I needed to get him back.

Jasper and Emmett seemed to pick up on my frustration. "You just have to have patience, Selene. We'll help you train and learn to control your thirst," Jasper reasoned.

"Are you boys pestering my new best friend?" Alice appeared, and put an arm around my shoulder. Unlike before, I trusted her more now and didn't wince.

"I think you're the one pestering her, Alice," Emmett said, ruffling the girl's short hair.

"Am not!" Alice said, giving him a playful push. "C'mon Selene, if you're feeling better, we could go shopping! You're going to need some clothes if you're going to be living with us."

"Alice, ease up a little. She might want to rest and adjust first," Jasper cautioned. But I was tired of moping around in my depressing thoughts, maybe shopping was what I needed to get my mind off of things for a while. I also thought back to what Alice said, that I would be living with them. I guess I couldn't live with my parents now that I was—well, a vampire. There was no one else I could live with wherein I wouldn't be endangering them either. Plus, the Cullens seemed nice enough. They did save my life after all.

"Sure, lets go shopping," I agreed, which caused Alice to bounce up and down on her toes with excitement. The boys rolled their eyes and laughed, saying that they would "leave us to it."

"Isn't it dangerous if I go out? Aren't there people on the streets?" I asked, thinking back to what Jasper explained about being a newborn.

"No, there won't be much people out—the stores have just opened, and I'll be coming with you. It'll be fine," Alice assured, leading me out of the house.

We spent the entire early morning purchasing new clothes, much to Alice's excitement. I had always loved shopping since I was a kid, and would often pester Riley to join me. But since his disappearance, I've lost the interest to do much of anything but eat and sleep, until now. Alice—and the Cullens made me feel somewhat better. I didn't know them for long but I could tell they were a really loving family.

They sped back to the Cullen house once more people started filtering in and my throat started growing warm—signaling that I needed to feed. I fed on three deer before I started feeling better. "You sure were thirsty," Alice joked as we stepped into the house after hunting.

"I still don't like the sight—or smell of raw animals though," I said, scrunching my nose up.

"At least you aren't attacking any humans," Alice reasoned. I had to agree, I was getting used to being a "vegetarian vampire," meaning I only fed on animals. If I kept this up, I could learn to control my thirst more and could tolerate being around humans.

I laid back down on my bed later that night, albeit knowing I couldn't sleep. The Cullens seemed to realize that I needed to be alone during the night. I stared down at the locket Riley had given me and opened it to find a picture of us in it. I smiled in reminiscence. During our shopping trip, I had told Alice about Riley. To my disappointment, she hadn't heard of him but asked me to tell her stories about when we were younger.

I started to feel better when I was around the Cullens. They were nothing but welcoming from the very beginning, but it still wasn't enough. My quest for finding Riley would not cease. At this point, I realized that I'd been mainly stuck on the first stage of grief. Denial.
I would never accept that he was gone because I knew in my heart that he wasn't. Maybe it wasn't entirely healthy to think that way but I had to. I had loved Riley since we were little, and only realized my feelings for him when I was older. I would not accept losing him. I had to try because I knew he'd do the same for me.