My Plus Size Lover

Chapter 1

I don't feel good or look good about myself. Look at me, who want to be with a girl big as me. Boys like girls with a smaller waist and perky boobs. I am nothing but a fat unattractive girl who boobs sags everywhere. Nobody don't even wanna be around me. I don't even have a boyfriend.

The last one played me like a fool. The words he said out of his mouth crushed me into pieces. Still till this day, it hurts me more. I remember those words like he said it to me yesterday.

"I thought you loved me, Jordan." I said as I was gripping onto his shirt with tears started to come down my face.

"Me? Love you?" He asked laughing as if things between him and I don't mean shit to him.

"Monae', I don't love you. I could never love you at this point. I only used you to fuck. I needed a rebound so I wouldn't have to worry about my problems with my girl." He said as he was still laughing with his boys.

I couldn't believe he really said all of that in front of his friends. Out of no where, he wrapped his hand around his girlfriend, Brittnee. I wasn't jealous of anyone, I just wanted to be loved.

"Bae, why is she here?" Brittnee asked while pointing at me. I looked at Jordan to see if he was gone tell his girlfriend the truth about us.

"She is the girl I was venting to. I slept with her a few times. Nothing major tho." He said to his girl as she glared at me up and down as if I was a threat to her.

"Well bae, you could have done better but I am glad you slept with a slob like her so I know you didn't upgrade on me." She said to him as she was glaring at me.

My mouth fell. I couldn't believe my ears. After hearing that I just wanted to run away cry but I am a bigger person to walk away from situation like this. I couldn't handle my emotion.

"Listen, you fat bitch. Nobody doesn't want you. If you thought for a second you had my man, you thought wrong. He'll never leave me for you. Look at me and look at you. He's not going anywhere with you looking like Big Momma." She said to me.

I just couldn't do it. I just ran off crying. I ran home to my gramma. Brittnee was right, nobody wanted to be a girl like me. I am just a big girl who can't get a man.

All night, I cried as my gramma rocked me to sleep. She is the only person who cares about me. Not even my own parents care about me. They so called sent me to 'Fat Camp' just to see if I would lose the weight. I came home 10 pounds heavier.

They sent me to live with gramma in New Orleans. She welcomed me with warms hugs and a big heart. Every night she would tell me how beautiful I am and that she loved me the way I am. I don't need to change for people to like me.

All my life, people called me 'fat', 'ugly', 'a fat cheeseburger' and other names. Those used to trigger me because of my weight and how I looked. I hated myself the way I looked. I used to try and commit a suicide but it was never successful. No matter how hard I tried, it just never go as planned. Maybe God had something better for me in life and all I gotta do is just live to learn.

After replaying that flashback, I didn't even know I was crying a little. I lived in New Orleans for four years with no friends. Just my gramma and I against the world. She would encourages me to go out and make friends but I always turned down that offer. I like being in the house with her.

Right now I am in Southern University of New Orleans finishing up my last year here. I am graduating with a masters degree in Communication and Business. I wanna work with people and own my own boutique.

If it wasn't for gramma, I don't think I would have made it this far. I thank God everyday for her and her health.

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I hope you guys enjoying this so far. I deleted 'My Life As Mrs. Alsina' because it was not coming together at all. So I decided to start over. I will be announcing Chris' wife soon. The book cover is almost done.

I am not putting my imagines on hold. You guys can still requests for those.

- Janiece