Bleed Out (EreRi)

First meeting

Hello everyone this is the first part of bleed out. I want you to know before you read that I have writers block a lot and this fic will probably not be updated a lot.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELFHARM

I felt the blade cutting through my skin over and over again. This is the only time that I truly feel good, watching the blood flow out of me. I go over old scars, creating new ones in the process, the physical pain making the emotional one dull. "It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault" is the only thing going on over and over in my head.

It all started two years ago when my mother Carla Jeager died in an car accident when I had begged her to come home quickly because I was hungry. It had been a snowy night and the car hadn't gotten a good grip on the road, sliding over on the wrong side and gotten hit by a truck. I blame myself for it even though everyone says that it wasn't my fault. But I know that it was, mom was always a careful driver and never drove even a mile over speed-limit.

After her death I started drinking, smoking and cutting. Everything to make the pain go away. As soon as mom died my father left me and Mikasa to take care of ourselves, the only thing showing that he is still alive is when we get a letter once a month with money so we can pay the bills and get food.

I started feeling dizzy from the bloodloss, so i put down the blade and started washing everything off so Mikasa wouldn't notice anything. I haven't told her about the cutting, and she hasn't noticed anything exept for some comments now and then about me always wearing shirts with long sleeves. She discovered the smoking and drinking quite fast, I had been out one night and I came home smelling of cigarettes and alcohol. She tried to stop me multiple times before finally giving up. She still tries now and then but I wont listen to anything she says.

After cleaning everything I went straight to my room and fell down on my bed, exhausted from everything that happened today. I closed my eyes and slowly fall asleep.

I woke up when my alarmclock started ringing loudly, I slowly sat up and turned it off. "Great, another schoolday".. I stood up slowly, still feeling a bit drained, and went to my closet to pick out the clothes i would wear today. I ended up putting on a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, a black long sleeved shirt with a print on, a hoodie and my combat boots. I picked up my phone from the nightstand, checking if I'd gotten any messages. I'd gotten one from Mikasa, telling me that she had booked a time for a psycologist this afternoon after school. I said loudly to myself "great, another shitty psycologist".

It wasn't the first time Mikasa had booked me a time for a psycologist, I'd been to quite a few but I only was there for one session before never going again.

I went down to the kitchen, taking some food that I was going to throw in some bush or something. I never ate anything in the morning, but Mikasa would notice if there wasn't any food gone. I put on my jacket, checked if my keys, cigarettes and lighter was in the pockets. I took my bag and went out through the door, locking it before starting to walk to school. I took out a cigarette and my lighter from the pocket, putting it between my lips and lighting it. Slowly inhaling the intoxicating smoke I walked up to a homeless person, giving them the apple i took from home. I continued walking a bit thinking about evrything in general.

As soon as I get to school the bullying starts. The first one to say something is Jean. He calls out from the other side of the corridor "Hey faggot! Can't you afford clothes without holes in them?" Everyone around him starts laughing and I just ignore them, continuing on my way to my locker. When I get there the first thing i see is big red letters on it that reads "FAG ERENS LOCKER" I put my stuff in the locker, and take out the books for my first lesson today.

At lunch I decided to sit inside the cafeteria in a corner which no one sits in. I pull out my phone and my headphones. Scrolling through the songs a bit before finding the one i looked for -And the snakes start to sing by Bring Me The Horizon. The song starts and the singer starts singing slowly. "I've lost a part of me, tell your friends to sharpen their teeth. There's a few quid to be made." I sit there listening to the music of my favorite band when I felt the presence of someone. I looked up and saw Jean and his gang standing in front if my table laughing. I ignored them until a hand reched towards me and held my shirt. Jean was dangerously close to my face and i pulled out my headphones and looked him dead in the eyes "What do you want horseface?" I spat out at him "My fist missed your face fag" that was the only warning I got before his fist collided with my face. I started throwing punches back, but my body was weak from the blood I lost yesterday and from not eating anything. I gave up, letting him punch me. After a while he got bored and walked away with his gang. Armin, who once was my best friend looked back at me with concerned eyes but then continued walking with the others.

I decided to skip school for the rest of the day and just walked around the town, listening to my music. When it was about the time school usually ends I decided to walk towards the adress that I got from Mikasa about the psycologist. His name was apparently Levi Ackerman.. I think I've heard that name somewhere before.. I decided to look up his name and it turns out that he is only about 4 years older than me, he used to go to my school and that he is currently the youngest and best psycologist in the world. There wasn't any pictures of him, which surprised me a bit. I went inside the building, into a surprisingly clean reception area. I went to the desk, and told a woman with brown hair and glasses my name. As she happily typed at her computer I read the name sign on the table: Hanji Zoë. She finished typing and smiled happily at me saying "You can sit down over there for a bit, Levi will soon be here"

After about five minutes a short ravenhaired man came out through one of the doors, he walked towards were I was sitting. "Eren, if I'm correct?" Holy crap he is beautiful, was the first thing going through my head. "Ehm, yes" oh god I'm so awkward. "Come with me" He said. I stand up, and start to follow him as he walks toward the door. There isn't a spec of dust anywhere to be seen inside this room either. He does a motion with his hand towards a couch in one of the corners in the room saying "Sit down over there for a bit while I go and get some of the things I need" and then he disappeared. I sat down and took off my jacket while I waited. I absolutely didn't check out his ass when he walked out of the room either. Nope.

He soon came int othe room again, holding som papers and a cup of.. tea? He held it in quite an unusual way, he had his fingers on the edge of the cup instead of holding it in the handle. He sat down in a chair across from me and put everything on the table between us. "So Eren, can you start telling me about yourself?"