You are at a concert, you need to shit... So bad, the only option you see is the wide open mouth of the lead singer of the band, who is screaming into a microphone.
You: "Hey, how do I shit!?"
The singer: *sigh* Alright...
Your sloppy shit fires out of your arse hole like a shit being fired out of an arse hole and hits Gerald, your dog, square in the nutsack.
Gerald yelps in pain as he cowers in pain.
The singer: "Eheu... How humiliating..."
You: "Sorry, was that supposed to help?"
The singer:
That would have been rather handy chump.
The singer: "Oh well, I guess I'll have to remember not to piss you off then."
You: "Alright... But only because I love your music..."
The singer:
The singer jumps off stage, takes his shoes off and all his other clothes. He then slaps Gerald square in the face with his meaty fists.
Gerald yelps and tries to run away, but the singer grabs him by the scruff of the neck and proceeds to punch him in the face again.
Gerald: "Aarrrgghhh... Ow... Aarrrgghhh..."
The singer:
"That's what you get when you fuck my father, hombre."
Gerald: "Aarrrrrgghhh..."
You: "Alright, I have to admit, that was pretty funny..."
Gerald: "No it wasn't... Ow..."
The singer:
"dog???????"
You: "Ugh, Gerald, stay in character!"
Gerald: "Aarrrgghhh..."
The singer: "Okay, how do you want to do this shit?"
You:
"I need to piss now, so please evacuate the concert."
The singer:
"Alright, but don't blame me if shit goes wrong..."
You: "Fine..."
You evacuate the concert.
Alan Partridge meets his maker.
You sit on Alan Patridge's fridge. He is remiss. He is sad. For he has nothing to eat.
You: "Ugh, Alan, you're so hungry, but you have no food..."
Alan Partridge: "I know..."
You:
"Shall I call WaterAid? I could give them a shout out on my podcast."
Alan Partridge: "Oh, yes please."
You: "Really?"
Alan Partridge: "Really?"
You: "Well, okay.
Hello. "Hello," Alan says into the microphone. "This is Alan Partridge, and I am about to eat.
He takes a baguette. The Baker isn't very happy. He says: "I'm sorry, I can't sell you a baguette if you're not buying one."
Alan Partridge: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that."
You:
The butcher takes off his shoes, and all his other clothes and neatly folds them before slapping Alan Partridge with his own wet baguette ;)
Alan Partridge is now naked and feels very ashamed.
You: "I'm sorry."
Alan Partridge: "You idiot! I cannot believe you did that!"
You:
"Where did Gerald's pants go?" you ask, because you are your own pants.
Alan Partridge:
Alan Partridge laughs into his microphone, and you laugh with him.
You: "O.o"
Alan Partridge: "
I am Alan Partridge, do you guys wanna buy some illegal cocaine? I also have asthma, cough. "
You: "Alright..."
You: "I'm going to buy some illegal cocaine, and some Asthma medication from you."
Alan Partridge:
"That will be roughly 13 vorings of a bowling ball.
Goodbye."
You: "Bye."
A few minutes later, you have bought the stuff.
You: "Okay, so now what am I supposed to do with this?
Alan Partridge: "swallow whole the bowling balls you silly goose," he says erectly.
You: "What?"
Alan Partridge: "The balls are full of cocaine!"
You: "How do you know that?"
Alan Partridge:
"THEY'RE MY BALLS"
You: "Ahhh..."
Alan Partridge: "Just swallow them, and you are good to go."
You: "You sure about this?"
Alan Partridge:
Alan slaps him and takes the balls before swallowing all 13 cocaine filled bowling in one slurp.
Alan: "Goodbye."
You: "Bye."
You swallow the balls and start feeling very happy and relaxed.
You: "Hey hey, how did that feel?"
Gerald is angry, Gerald has a sex change in disgust.
Gerald: "That was disgusting!"
You: "Come on, let's get out of here."
You and Gerald exit the venue.
Gerald: "Why does this smell like rotten eggs?"
You: "Stay in character Geraldine!"
You and Gerald walk down the streets of London.
Gerald: "Is it my imagination, or are there more girls than boys born in England these days?"
You:
That means we can get more p0rn, you say to yourself.
You are so happy.
Gerald: "I wish I could have a good p0rn for Christmas..."
You:
They both sit on the yogurt cup next to each other on the yogurt cup, getting yogurt everywhere .
You are so happy.
You are still so happy.
You are very happy.
You are just a little bit happy.
You are a little bit more happy.
Gerald: "I wonder what's for dinner..."
You:"p0rn."
Gerald: "Oh, that's right..."
To be continued...
At the present time...
You are lying on the cold linoleum floor. Your hands and feet are bound with duct tape.
You look at Gerald submissively, what dey hell? He's tied up too.
Gerald: "I guess we'll just have to wait for another day."
You: WHAT?
Gerald:
"WOOF WOOF says the subby puppy.
To be continued...
To be continue.
"WOOF WOOF says the subby puppy.
To be continued...
"Hey! Hey!" you yell as you are lifted into the air, "
You start floating, completely naked and covered in tree cum.
Gerald: "No fair! I'm not ready!"
You:
Silly is da goose. You are not scared of nothing!
To be continued...
At that moment a vampire appears, covered in marmite.
You: "Hey mister!"
Mister: "Hm?"
You: "Can you untie us?"
Mister: "Why? I'm not fond of duct tape."
The vampire spits on the ground.
You: "Well, we're your victims, so you'd better do it soon."
Mister: "Hm."
Mister: "Alright."
Mister:
BREAKS INTO SONG
You hear the Vampire's song, a rythmical march of victory.
Mister:
He sings the Indian national anthem to the beat of Africa by TOTO.
You and Gerald dance around the room, dancing to TOTO's beat.
Mister:
When we are done dancing we are taken to a cell.
Gerald:
The Indian vampire then gives birth to himself.
You:
The vampire gives birth to herself all over the place.
Mister:
The vampire and the Indian vampire then give birth to themselves all over the place.
The truth is a lie if the lie is true the lie can take the truth and make it a lie. There is no truth in this statement as truth stands on its head.
To be continued...
You do not know what comes next.
You cannot escape because your hands and feet are tied with duct tape.
What is good for the goose is good for the moose, becoose it is so.
The Indian vampire sucks the life out of you and Gerald.
The Indian vampire sucks the life out of herself and gives birth to herself.
You and Gerald are sucked dry of energy.
You and Gerald die.
The Indian vampire dies.
The vampire leaves the room.
The Indian vampire leaves the room.
The room is silent as the grave.
The grave then appears in the kitchen and shatters into a shape of a penis.
The grave then appears in the bathroom and shatters into a shape of a vagina.
The bedroom appears and shatters into a shape of a giant egg.
The egg then appears in the kitchen and breaks open, revealing a child.
The child then appears in the bathroom and smiles at you before running away.
Geraldine Partridge then appears in the room.
Geraldine Partridge: "I am the child catcher. I will ingest anyone who comes near my pet ant."
You: "But how do you catch the children?"
Geraldine Partridge:
Phagocytosis.
Phagocytosis is the ingestion of particles by a cell without the need for a digestive process.
You:
What?
Geraldine Partridge:
Phagocytosis.
Geraldine then turns into a hard drive with a big plastic bag with a big plastic bag of crackers in it.
She then changes back into a girl.
Geraldine Partridge:
I shall now proceed to read the entire of Steven King's discography.
You:
The discography of Steven King.
Discography of Steven King.
Banger books for £10.99.
Gone with the Wind for £12.99.
The Lord of the Rings for £19.99.
The Lord of the Rings is a very large book.
King's books are always long.
They're not the only thing of Steven King that's very long uwu.
To be continued...
You will see that it's always a boring story
You will see that it's a boring story
At present time...
You are lying on the cold wet semen. Your hands and feet are tied with duct tape.
You look at Gerald submissively, what dey hell? He's tied up too.
Gerald:
You say "Hey now don't try it, hey now don't try it, you might die. And the days. "
You say:
GERALD: "You might die."
YOU: "You might die."
GERALD: "What happens if I die?"
YOU: "You die and then nothing happens."
You say "Gerald erupts with"
YOU: "Gerald erupts with laughter."
GERALD: "No no no! I will not allow you to"
GERALD: "You to die! No, no, no!"
You say "GLaDOS is here now. The weather is awful "
You: "The weather is awful."
GERALD: "What does that mean?"
YOU: "Well, you know, it means the weather. The weather is awful."
GERALD:
