Would You Love Me Still

July 2020

Wei watched his bestfriend/boyfriend as he talked animatedly about the new flowers that came to his mom's shop. They were hanging out in the park today for lunch. "Oliver looked so happy," Wei thought. It hurt his heart to think about how he would be the one to take that happiness away. That trust. That...love.

" Earth to Young Master Wei", Oliver said jokingly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Wei smiled and shook his head. Cursing his younger self for starting his unhealthy obsession with The Untamed.

" Momma should have never let me change my name. I'll tell Quinnie that you were making fun of her dage." Wei laughed and playfully pushed the taller boy. Oliver made a sour face and stuck out his tongue.

" Ouu, I am so scared! and don't change the subject. What's the matter?" Oliver teased but stopped walking to face him directly. Wei looked down and their joined hands and sighed. Taking in his mournful expression, Oliver squeezed his hands in a silent supportive gesture. Wei's calculated silence only worried him. A silent Wei was never good. He pulled them to sit under a tree as his boyfriend quietly collected his thoughts. After a while took he another breath and looked at Oliver.

" Olly", Wei said apprehensively as he moved to put his hand in his lap. Oliver gave him his full attention while making a sound that assured Wei that he was listening.

"Olly, I have something to tell you." This time he was the one to take Oliver's hand for comfort. Oliver was a little taken back by that statement but nodded his head for the other boy to continue.

" As your best friend, I want to say sorry for keeping this from you. Now, as your boyfriend, I can't bring myself not to tell you and it's something I'm not proud of, something you might hate me for, something you will hate me for, something I hate me for." Wei whispered so quietly that Oliver wasn't even sure if he had heard him correctly. Wei sighed again, building up his courage to continue.

" I'm not entirely human, by that I mean I was made in a lab. I'm not sure how the whole thing works but I do know that the only thing about me human related is connected to my mom. If you don't believe me I can show you but it isn't safe to do it out in the open", Wei spoke as if he was in a rush, only stopping at the end to take a breath. Oliver didn't know how to respond and just blinked in concerned confusion. For a while, the two boys just looked at each other in silence.

Oliver was the first to break it.

" Wei I-I'm not sure what to say..." before he could finish Wei quietly interrupted him with pleading eyes.

" Wait Oli there's more and it's much worse, I don't think I can finish if you tell me now"

" Ok babe", Oliver said with so much sincerity that Wei could have burst into tears on the spot, and with how Oliver was caressing his cheek he was close to doing so. Taking one last breath of courage, he started to speak.

" When I was younger I lived in some sort of hospital with five other kids and a few staff members. When I was eight years old something bad happened, an experiment went wrong my momma told me. I don't remember much of what happened before but something made me lose control. It was like I had lost all my humanity and went on a rampage. Once I came too, I had already killed most of my lab siblings and the staff and momma was taking me to safety. There was so much blood and I was confused and scared and Oliver I promise you I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't mean to hurt those people. I never wanted to hurt anyone and I would understand if you hate me now and wanted to break up with me. But I promise I haven't hurt anyone since that night and that I'd rather die than kill another person."

By this point Wei was in absolute disarray, stumbling over his words, and gripping his own hands so hard that he broke the skin. Oliver was confused and concerned. On the one hand, his bestfriend/boyfriend was sobbing in front of him and every part of him screamed to comfort the other boy. On the other hand, he doesn't know how to process what he has been told. This has been a lot for both boys and suddenly he just felt tired. Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep breath, when he finally opened them again scared and worried eyes were looking back at him. Those same eyes that he basically grew up looking into, those eyes that he grew to love in more ways than he could even comprehend, eyes that apparently had a dark side he didn't know about. As he continued to stare into those eyes he loved so much, he found that this new information didn't sway his love and devotion for them. Wei was still his bestfriend and he has only known him to be an honest and sincere person. To see him with so much regret and sadness, broke Oliver's heart. It's funny how your heart knows before you do.

   Taking a slow exhale, Oliver is the first to speak,

" Kaydence, love, listen to me, I love you. Don't get me wrong this is a lot and I'll need time to process it. But I know you wouldn't purposely hurt anyone and I know you think that this will drive me away but it won't, okay?"

Wei nodded his head while wiping his tears and Oliver continued.

" I just need to process this and you should probably talk to your mom, so we're going to go home and i'll see you Sunday.", Oliver said as he squeezed their hands together.

" Y-you called me Kaydence...and...and you want to keep me?", Wei said in surprise partly because he used his "birth" name (he only does that when it's important) and because Oliver said he didn't want to break up.

Oliver responded confidently and gave a small smile, " Yes I'm keeping you"

Wei still wasn't too sure but did think it was a good idea to talk to his mom and give the other time to think. Together they walked back to their homes in contemplative silence. Neither boy had the energy to try to fill it. Once the two made it to Oliver's house he grabbed Wei by his shoulders and gave him a tight hug.

" I'm keeping you Kaydence, just give me a few days m'kay? I'll text you later"

" ok, I- just thank you", Wei answered in a quiet voice as he tightened their hug. Oliver made a sound of disagreement as to say " this isn't something he should be thanked for". The two boys stayed like that for a while, soaking up the feeling of safety. Oliver pulled away first, he ruffled Wei's hair and they said their final goodbyes for the day.

Wei walked home in a daze. All he wanted to do was crawl under a blanket and cry. It could have been worse, he thought as he walked into his front door. Actually, it could have been way worse than it was. He thinks he should be relieved, grateful even! He is grateful and so relieved that he could run around in absolute joy. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Emotions are weird and hard to understand, he concludes as he falls face first on the couch in the living room.

Wei sighs, wondering how his boyfriend- his wonderful, thoughtfully forgiving boyfriend- could be ok with what he is, for what he did. He should have been dumped on the spot, he should have been called a freak and left for the wolves. But here he is being forgiven where he doesn't even forgive himself. He's so lucky to have people like that in his life, Wei thought. Looking at the time on his phone, Wei saw that he had a few hours before his mom and sister got home. That's fine he could wait, Wei has always been good at waiting. He will wait for his mom to come home and he will wait for Oliver to be ready to talk to him. Until then he will lay on the couch, with his face in the pillows. Soon he would fall asleep thinking about how lucky he is.

Because no matter what, he'd have people who would love him still.

fin

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Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts and thank you for reading!!!!

-JB