As I sit on my Bed at 4:23 pm I hear the Door open.
Its my sister, i can see that she's freaking out. She quickley sits on my bed and points for me to sit beside her. Not giving it a tought I sit right next to her like I would as Always.
«Thank god», She says. Her worried face turns into a smile. I sit in confusion.
«What is it?», I say.
«Your thighs Are much bigger then mine!», She says almost screaming of joy.
Before that point I never noticed how my thighs where. Before that point I'd Always had my mind on other things, like volleyball, or drawing.
I defentley think that moment changed my mind, changed the way I tought about my thighs. And how They looked. I tought about what my sister said. How They where bigger then hers.
I started really thinking about how I looked, how my body looked. I started to look at other girl's thighs, belly and arms. I tought about how my size was 10 times bigger then there's.
I started workingout on the weekends, weekends turned into a few times a week. A few times a week turned into everyday.
Eventually I started looking at what I ate. I looked at all the calories I was eating, what I was eating.
At first I cut out things like bread and rice. I would tell myself that it wasen't good. It was nasty.
Eventually I started cutting out meat. I tought that If i slowley cut out things from my diet I would Get better. Less hungrey for those items.
But it wasen't enough.
I was still fat.
I started eating less and less, so little that food wasen't even a part of my day. Dinner was the only thing I would eat. Still then I went from 800 calories, to 500, then to 100, then 50.
I was eating so little that my body started losing weight. I couldn't belive I went from 70 kg to 45.6 kg in just a few mounths.
At that point I'd never tought about something so much. Food, my body, my looks where all I tought about 24/7. From 45.6 kg I finally felt happy about myself. Being skinny wasen't the main focus anymore. The feeling of control was.
Eventually the lack of eating took a tole on me at my high school.
And shit.
I fainted.
As kids from my class was trying to help me one of them noticed my body arm.
«OMG», They scremed.
As everyone stopped trying to wake me up They saw it. The boney arm.
The arm with both marks on it and Nothing more then bode.
I was sendt to a mental hospital where They forced me to eat. Eat food I didn't want to.
To gain back all my weight.
Dear body.
I still hate you.
