𝐏𝐞𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 (marvel fanfic)

Chapter 24

It took surprisingly little time for things to go downhill. She shouldn’t have been surprised, life always had a way to fuck her over. 

Hulk escaped and she was soon swarmed by a crowd of people, cameras, flashes and incomprehensible words.

They shoved their phones in her face and she had never been more grateful to Stark and his inventions—the mask helped hide her frigid face. She had never been one for a crowd, much less when she didn’t understand a single word save for the basic course taught by Hydra.

Water was still gently pulling her into its cold embrace, but the coldness did not allow her to be lulled to sleep. The air was hot and humid as people pressed against her. Her gaze went up to stare at the sky. She zoned out for a moment, pondering her course of actions.

She had half a mind to just run away but she knew it would be bad publicity for the avengers and as soon as she endorsed the superhero mask, she accepted the responsibilities that came with it. No matter how much she hated the way they surrounded her, the way they grabbed and pulled her clothes and the almost feverish lull in their eyes. They were drunk on the adrenaline of the moment, drunk on the hope of catching some remnants of the glow they had seen around her when she saved them.

Shivers ran down her spine as she became all too aware of the expectations they held when they looked at her. 

She hated the way she couldn’t help but survey their hands, wary of any sudden moves, of any hidden knives or any trained movements. 

So she gritted her teeth, nodded to the crowd, shook the hands extended her way as she tried to make her way through. She was painfully aware of the cameras pointed her way, and the glances toward her mask—they were getting dangerously curious. When she finally broke through, she bent down her head in a semblance of respect before taking off in the air, happy to finally be freed from their clutches. 

Afterward, she left and joined the remaining avengers. They were silent, probably tasting the remnants of the sour defeat. She didn’t care. All she could think about was the fact that the Maximoff siblings now knew her identity and where she was. And it wouldn’t be long before Hydra did too. 

The siblings were fervent believers of the group, and loyal little puppets. That was one of the reasons she never really connected beyond a superficial level with them. Why she couldn't really connect with anyone—she had left Hydra but they always left a shadow on her, shackles that prevented her from truly being free of her movements. She knew from experience that one couldn’t truly guess how deep Hydra had hidden in society.

She didn’t have any grandiose motive like hunting them down and bringing the group down, she just wanted to settle down and not have to worry about anything beyond her students. But she was forced to reconsider her choices with the latest events. 

She knew she couldn’t afford to be brought back into the group, she had seen how effective their brainwashing methods were—she hadn’t been interesting enough before to suffer through the process but now it was a different matter. 

She would rather end her life than forget everything that made her, her. Would rather bring everyone down with her than be made a puppet devoid of any will, of any life. 

That was the promise she had made with herself in the first days after she woke up in this new world. A line of sorts she drew to not lose what made her human, what made her still feel like she hadn’t truly lost her humanity. 

She had crossed every other morally right law. She had sunk deeper than she could have ever imagined but as long as she didn’t cross that line, she hung on to life.

She chuckled derisively—she was truly a pathetic human being. Clinging like a wretched insect to life while depriving others of that right. Truly the worst person to give such powers to, she thought as water glided around her, encasing her in a protective shell.

Maybe she could have fought harder against her destiny, against Hydra. Maybe she could have helped the weaker, instead of focusing on her own survival. She could have taught the more frail how to survive, but she didn’t because it meant more food for her, because it meant better living conditions for her, because it meant one less competitor. Because she was a fucked human being that succumbed to Hydra’s twisted psychological control despite being painfully aware of it. 

Her nails dug into her palms, as her thoughts swerved around in her head, burrowing into every weak point of her logic. And despite everything, she knew that given the chance, she wouldn’t change what she did. 

Unfortunately she wasn’t brave enough to surrender herself to a court, to face justice for what she had done. Because a part of her, the bitter and petty childishness remained angry, angry at a world that stole her from her own, that forced her to live through hell and back. But she hated herself just as much for adapting so easily, for accepting her fate. 

It wasn’t like she never thought about becoming a hero to redeem herself, to finally become something more than herself, to fight for some nobler purpose. But she knew. She knew she wasn’t willing to do that, she was a coward who valued her peace more than she did a stranger’s life. And that’s what she was doing, standing there, protecting her peace. She glanced up at the team that had begun sharing thoughts on the situation.

Sarah could hardly see a purpose to her life, a value. And a small tiny part of her wondered why she kept on fighting. It was getting tiring. 

Her phone buzzed, and she looked down at the small screen. One message popped up. ‘Are you alright?’ - Parker.

Right… for them. And for now, that reason would have to be enough to keep her going. 

“Good job with the damage control newbie,” Stark said, extending her way a bottle of wine.

She coughed back her laughter, “too early for that.”

“Never too early,” he easily retorted, pouring himself a glass.