50 Days Of Grey (#Wattys2015)

{ t w o } : silence

ii: Taciturn

❝temperamentally disinclined to talk❞

Day [1]

The engine groaned as you pulled out of the airport's parking lot. I looked out the window at the streets we passed by. You'd picked me up at one-thirty. Your hair was ruffled, your shirt wrinkled, shades covered your eyes, and the jeans your wore looked worn and old. You still looked handsome to me though, and it ached to see you again. My heart longed to come back to you all of those days I'd been away from you... It was two years but it felt like decades. I almost did, I almost did come back to you, and I want you to know that now.

I wanted to see your eyes. Your beautiful hazel eyes. I wanted to hear your laugh, your voice. But none of that was granted as we walked towards your old vintage 1960's Cadillac in silence. It hurt to see you again, every piece of me wanted to run to you and hug you and cry... And to love you again. I needed you now. I needed you more than ever now. Not because my mother was sick. Not because my nine year old sister had dyslexia. And deffinetely not because I needed a shoulder to cry on. I wanted to because I missed you. All those years of trying to rid you from my mind were useless. Every moment I spent trying to think of something else it was always you. 

Maybe I should be mad. Maybe I should scream. Maybe I should've been yelling profanities at your very being the chance I had to. But I couldn't bring myself to. I wanted to feel numb again. I wanted to. But I couldn't. Every possible emotion was coursing through my body. It was like being broken all over again. It was like thousands of memories crashing back to me in one second. It couldn't be handled so I didn't handle it. And maybe that's why I lost you. 'Cause I could never handle you. I could never be enough for you... I would never be enough for you.

The two hour drive from the airport to your house felt more like an eternity as you drove into your garrage. You went ahead in, carrying the heavy suitecase I had with me into the kitchen. You turned the lights on as you guided me to your room. You dropped the suite case on the trunk in front of your bed. You rested your hand on it trying to catch your breath as you continued to pant. I knew my suite case was heavy and I guess that proved it. I leaned against the door frame, the only light coming from the hallway streaming into your room. 

You coughed a minute after you had composed yourself, "Your mom's staying in the guest room, Alexa's room is being re-done as well as Tanner's. This is where you'll sleep in the meanwhile. I'll sleep on the couch. Just. Just don't touch anything." You said in a cold voice. 

Your eyes shimmered in a golden, hazel shade as I stared at you from where I stood. A frown was set upon your lips as you stared absentmindedly at your bed. You stood straight walking towards me. You towered over me staring me in the eye like you were about to tell me something. Your lips were parted just about ready to speak when you pushed past me, into the hall and down the stairs.

I sat down on the floor after I'd closed the door. I'd turned your bedside lamp on, it only being the only source of light I had left. I held my legs against my chest tear after tear slipping out of my eyes. I hadn't cried since yesterday. I refused to. Ingrid slept beside me that night, she had a hard time at school and I didn't want her to see me. Not like this. I was the strong one. I always was, and until I was at least a couple hundred miles away from her I couldn't cry. I was weak. Frail, even. Without those brown irises of hope I was weak. 

She's so strong, Ingrid really is. She doesn't know that I take every ounce of streangth I have from her. She's such a beautiful little girl, so fragile and kind. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is. I tutor her nights on end just to help her with her dyslexia. It's hard. Not on me, but on her. She's so strong...

I cried because Mom had Cancer, because Ingrid had dyslexia, because you hated me. I let myself cry over you again that night. I didn't want to cry over you again. I'd done so many times before it hurt. I shook as I sobbed holding my legs against my chest. I hated to admit it but I still cared. I wanted to fell numb, I truly did but I cared to much about you... Still. And there will always be a part of me that will cry for you in the silence.

{the beggining of the end}

"One, two, three, smile!" Your mom called out as we took a picture in front of the Christmas tree together, my arms wrapped around you waist and you arms wrapped around my shoulders. 

We broke apart smiling at each other. It was the first Christmas we'd be spending together and I remember it as one of my brightest. Everything around us was an arrangement of blue's, green's and red's. I took your hand and took you to the couch near the Christmas tree. We gathered around to unwrap the presents under it. Everyone took a moment to admire the tree as we both glowed with pride.

"You guys did good with the tree." Mom had said.

And you just smiled thanking her as I stared at it admiringly.

"Okay, then enough with the tree pride it's time for the presents." Alexa gleefully announced.

Everyone passed around gifts and each of us tore the wrapping paper apart in excitement. Alexa cringed at the mustard yellow sweater Tanner had bought her. Mom smiled at the beautiful new tea set Greyson's mom gave her, while Uncle Scott smiled in delight at the dvd of his favorite game recorded and burned by Tanner. You grimaced at the burnt chocolate chip cookies He got from Alexa. I shrieked once I opened the gift Tanner had got me. A plastic lizard thrown in the air. 

"Tanner... Did you just prank my girlfriend?" You asked.

Tanner laughed at my terrified face ending up on the floor like the rest of the people in the room. 

"Why? You mad bro?" He asked.

"Why didn't you tell me?! I should've helped!" You answered joining the others in laughter.

I stared at all of you rolling my eyes and grabbing the next gift.

Hours later you grabbed my hand and brought me outside. You hadn't given me your gift yet and it made me feel anxious as we stepped outside. You smiled placing your beanie on top of my head.

"So do you want to see your gift?" You asked.

I smiled and nodded. You pointed up and I looked up to find mistletoe.

"Your kidding." I said.

"Nope." You said popping the 'p'.

"Fine." I muttered. You closed your eyes leaning down.

I went up on my tippytoes and kissed you on your cheek launching off onto the lawn before you had the chance to chase me.

❝No matter what will happen in your life, you will always remember that one person who made your heart beat like the animals from jurastic park are chasing you.❞