Friendtopia: An Anti-Colonization Alliance Around Our Friendship

Chapter 1: So??? Where's My Present???

I'm trying to decide if the Incan empire is the same temperature as the Philippines. I've been away for more than ten years, planning to run France and then actually getting to do it, so it's kind of hard to tell. I mean, they are both near the equator so it should be the same. But it feels...drier. Not as humid. Though the weather is still on the very, very warm side. And it's very mountainous too.

I look down at my silk bustier dress. It's shorter than what would have normally been in fashion during my time in France, but I say this looks hotter and what I say goes. And I'm so glad it does. Because everyone is well fed, free to get married if they're gay (and if they're not), and healthcare is free! It's so much easier to get what people need once I fired the First Estate... they were these old white men who wanted to oppress the poor, but I was like, NOPE! Now there's no one to keep me in check. At all!!! Hahaha.

And normally that would be very scary and something to worry about, but I'm very, very, very good at what I do. I've been waiting ten long years to rule, and when I see something I want, I take it. It's a belief that is very important to me. Once you see yourself as the main character, everyone else will, too!

Seriously, though I have to change into something more breezy. I figured I would buy stuff once I was here because the Incan Empire specializes in fabrics and cuts like that. 1700's France (I'm a time traveler, don't ask) doesn't.

One of the guards asks if I'd like to be carried up to the top...there are a lot of stairs and it's hot...I'm going to say yes ONLY because of the temperature and because it was offered. Let the record state that I was not the one to ask. TBH the sheet thingy I was lounging on was the teensiest bit bumpy going up the stairs but at least I was shaded.

Anyway this was going to be my first time visiting my close personal friend Emperor Kuzco of the Incan Empire. We met about a month ago at this foreign dignitaries dinner that existed outside of time and space (I don't know how, don't ask!) and immediately hit it off once we realized we were the best dressed and sassiest people there.

The minute I said that everyone else there was either "musty, dusty, or crusty" and his eyes lit up in agreement I knew we were going to get along. And it was so amazing to have company because everyone else there was like totally judging me for pulling off a coup (like they could ever) and firing the First Estate. I know that people shade me because they think it makes things in France "more unequal" but actually it makes things more equal because now women are able to own property...without their husband having to die.

And it clawed at an insecurity I had, because it takes no skill at all to be born into aristocracy but every skill in the world to take it. And I'm so skilled. Like, so skilled.

So at the dinner we got to talking about how we were each not human for a time (we agreed that while his time was shorter, at least I got to stay pretty, so he had it rougher), what kind of men we were into, and how sometimes incredibly lonely we were with access to so many cool things but sometimes this yearning for something more. We both agreed that maybe this was both of us needing to catch a dick, but also to stay in touch so we could keep each other sane.

Right now I was deeply suppressing something but also needed a fun distraction to get my mind off it. And what better way to get my mind off things than shopping, spa time, and a fun sleepover?

I could hear music coming from the inside. Even though he was a way nicer person than how he used to be, he still...did a musical number every day...you know what? To each their own. It's not the worst thing in the world. Though I question if the guards like it. Yeesh.

My bags were set down in the main hall and I just chilled in one of the couches, open air fluttering through, just waiting for it to be over. I had a pretty good view from where I was...about. It made me smile, to see him in his element. When the music finally ended, I entered the throne room, clapping.

His eyes widened. "Y/N!" He smiled cockily. "Enjoy the show?" He asked, walking slowly over to me like he had all the time in the world.

"You never change. I like that," I say. Soon he was close enough to touch whatever his fancy tunic was made out of. It looked a lot more lightweight than what I had on. "It really is good to see you-"

I was cut off by him pulling me close and squeezing me tight. "Wow, are you sure?" I ask, hugging him back.

"You're my absolute favorite person in the entire world," he declares. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Really?" I say. I was not expecting this. I knew we bonded a lot, but I had no idea that I meant that much to him.

"Do you know how many boring losers come visit me that I have to pretend to like?" Kuzco asks.

"A lot, from the sound of your..." I begin.

He makes a buzzer sound. "Wrong. I don't have to pretend to like anyone. But they do come and each time I wish it was you. What'd you get me?" he asks eagerly.

"It's not your birthday...what, is it like a holiday you just made up?" I ask.

He crosses his arms. "I thought guests were supposed to bring gifts when they came over to people's palaces."

"Where did you get that impression...whatever, you just want a present. You're so lucky I actually got you something." We head for the main hall, the throne room's relative chill from all that marble giving way to the warm breeze making its way down the hall. "I brought macaroons. So many flavors."

He nods, somewhat unimpressed.

"And each of them is stamped with your face on it," I say.

"You're kidding," he says. At least he wasn't expecting this type of thing to happen, but I knew him well enough to know that this is what would make him happy.

I unzip one of the bags and hand him the macaroon box with the ribbon handle. Sure enough, each one's outer shell is stamped in gold with his side profile. "I had to do a special order, but so worth it. They actually look really cool."

He grabs one. "Yeah, of course they do." He takes a bite out of it. "Mmm... you're the best."
"Would you say that if I didn't get you macaroons with your face on them?" I ask.

"Possibly...eventually." I appreciated his willingness to give me an honest answer. " You need new clothes," he continues bluntly.

Spoke too soon. I look down. "I mean, I thought that...does this really look that bad?"

"It doesn't go with anything I wear, and if we're going to be seen together, I'd rather us not clash." He polishes off his macaroon, flecks of gold stubbornly clinging to his fingers.

"This clashes???" I didn't think light blue jacquard brocade clashed with anything.

"Well, it doesn't complement," he says. "Don't pout. I'm buying."

"I can pay for my own clothes," I say. I have plenty after taxing the billionaires extra.

"No, no, this is how Incan emperors welcome guests," Kuzco declares.

"Since when?" I ask. I doubt he took any of his previous guests on a shopping spree.

"Do you want to go shopping or not?" he asks.