Truth - Lashton

Chapter 25

Ashton's POV

I walk into Luke's room with his dinner and see him there, curled up but not crying. His face is blank and he looks void of any emotion.

"Hello, Luke."

I place his tray in front of him and sit in the chair beside his bed.

"I don't wanna recover."

He spoke in an emotionless manner, his face certainly matching that.

This was different from all the other times he would talk like this. He would be crying and in a state where he couldn't make proper decisions, this time it seemed like he knew what he was talking about.

"Luke, you know the risks of that. Your heart will fa-"

"I know. I made up my mind. I wanna go home and die in my bed in peace, doing what I do best."

I looked at him and he made eye contact, he was serious. This is what he wanted.

"Luke, are you really sure?"

He nodded and looked back at his legs.

This was the hardest part for eating disorder patients, the ones who couldn't do it.

"I'll talk to Dr. Frank.."

I softly spoke and left as fast as I could, feeling tears fill up my eyes.

I wasn't expecting him to give up this way and be so.. serious about it.

I reached Dr. Frank's office and walked in.

"Hello, Mr. Irwin. Shouldn't you be with Luke at the moment?"

I sighed and sat across from him, wiping my eyes.

"He chose to not recover.. He was serious and knew the risks. He wants to go home."

Dr. Frank frowned and looked down, letting out a sigh.

"He was sure?"

"Yep.."

"Okay.. You call his mother and we'll get him ready to go home.."

We both stayed quiet as we walked out. He went over to the team of doctors and I went to the receptionist to ask them to call Luke's mum.

Once Luke's mum was called, I headed to Luke's room to see if they needed any help.

I saw that they had removed Luke's nasogastric tube and the rest of the ones hooked up in his arms. I went and helped a nurse pack up his stuff.

"Can I talk to Mr. Irwin alone?"

Luke asked Dr. Frank, which he agreed and lead everyone out. I put his last bag next to his bed and sat down in the seat I originally did before.

"I'm sorry.."

"Don't be sorry.. This is what you want and we can't change that."

"You seem upset.."

"I am, yes.. I care alot about you, Luke. It's just upsetting to see.."

"You don't understand how hard it is.."

"I do, I really do."

"What do you mean?"

I lean forward and rest my arms on my lap.

"I had Atypical Anorexia when I was your age. I developed it at an obese BMI and got down to your weight. I really gave up on myself and truly believed I couldn't recover.. I decided too and yeah, it was hard. I wanted the same thing you want, to go home and die. I did end up recovering and worked to be a dietitian to help others who struggled the way I did.."

I rambled on and on, staring at the floor the whole time. I looked back up at Luke and his eyes were puffy.

"Damn.. You do understand."

I chuckled and nodded, looking back down at the floor.

"It's not uncommon for our patients to do this, Luke.. but every time it happens, it crushed my heart. I know not everyone can be helped but I truly care for all my patients so it's always gonna be upsetting."

"I.. I didn't know any of that.."

"I know.. I also want you to know that I'll always care about you, okay?"

I gave him a soft look as I said that, he nodded to show that he understood.

"Mr. Irwin?"

Dr. Frank was at the door with Luke's mum. I got up and let Luke's mum get Luke out of the bed.

"Mum, please. I can walk just fine."

Luke laughed and stood up, his body wanting to stay laid down.

"Okay, honey.. I'll carry your bags.. Thank you both for trying for him.."

Luke's mum spoke with emptiness as she grabbed Luke's bag and left. I didn't know me and Luke's conversation was so long, assuming she had signed all the paperwork and everything.

"Are you okay, Mr. Irwin?"

Dr. Frank asked as I was staring at the floor.

"I.. I think I should go home.."

I mumbled, Dr. Frank patted my back and nodded.

"Take your time, Mr. Irwin. Take care of yourself too, don't do anything stupid."

"Thanks.. I'll be alright.."

I left the room and went out to my car.

I felt so empty and lost. A student of mine, now an ex patient chose death today and it was so painful to acknowledge.