𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐎𝐟 𝐃𝐚𝐰𝐧

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Without the bag^. Since this shirt will stay on for quite a while, I thought why not put an image of it.

~~~

Blaire 》

"Are you going to nonna's house?" I look over at him to see the hopeful glint in his light hazel orbs. I notice how he grips the steering wheel harder than before, making his veiny arms appear more tense. He wants me to stay with him, but I have a ton of shit to do. It's not that I don't want to be with him, I don't even feel safe by myself anymore, so I'd rather do nothing more than to be with him. Something about how his hope is so irredeemable makes me want to hug him so tight he'd pop. I smile an apologetic smile before shaking my head with guilt.

''I have some stuff to do at home." The words leave my mouth and I wish to take them back. I want to stab myself with a knife in the meaty part of my hand at how inconsiderate I must appear of his feelings.

A flash of a disappointed face is made by him before he clears his throat and speaks, to cover up his obvious disappointment. The one I caused. "Yeah, that's fine. Call me if you need anything, though." He smiles, parking the car in front of my house even though I told him it's fine if he parked in front of his own. He didn't want me to tire myself so I don't agrue with him everytime he does it now. He gave me his number a few days after nonna's death and I gave him mine too. There wasn't really a reason, but we didn't even think of it. Just popped up as an idea-which turned into a necessity-and that's how I got his number.

"I will." I smile at him before reluctantly turning to open the door. But something feels wrong, I don't want to leave him right now. I want nothing more than to sleep in his arms for eternity. So, I turn to him again.

"Or maybe I'll try to come by afterwards? Is that okay?" I ask, standing in front of the car and bending down to look at him from the opened window. He looks up at me after he had been looking at my empty seat and a light, beautiful smile stares back at me, making the dimples next to his lips show. "Of course, whenever you'd like."

I walk back into my house with my new skateboard and a new smile on my face. The claw clip in my hair and everything is good in the world again. I can't stop myself from beaming as soon as I close my front door. I thanked him four more times for it on the way here and before getting inside, but I still think I owe him a lot even though he broke my first skateboard. I feel like I owe him so much for every single time he made me feel like I was floating. For every time he made butterflies ignite my insides. For every time he made me smile and laugh when tears were soaking my cheeks.

I wonder if I make him feel like he's floating or at least happy when I'm around.

I take off my shoes and I chuck them to the side along with my socks inside of them. I look around, walking on eggshells as I enter the kitchen, checking if my father is here. "Dad?" I say aloud, risking my life.

Unfortunately for me, I hear a response. "Finally home?" He says from behind me, leaning against the wall. Fear stiffens my body and I smile, hoping he'd be nice tonight. "Yeah," I clear my throat, reading his poker face. It's hard to read so I speak again. "I have some school work to do, do you need anything before I go upstairs?" I ask cautiously, hoping I didn't say anything that would trigger him.

He stares at me for a while then sighs, walking past me. "Do whatever, I don't care."

Oh.

Will stabbing myself get his attention? Do I fish out my pancreas so he'd care? I feel like he would only get pissed my blood seeped into the carpet. Set myself on fire? Would that do the trick?

I stare the him as he opens the fridge and searches for whatever. What I'd give to have my old father back. The one who used to sit me on his lap and read me my favourite books. Feed me as a toddler whenever my mom wasn't around. Tuck me in bed late at night after sneaking me downstairs to watch a movie next to him without mom's knowledge.