I Go To You [And You Cum In Me]

Chapter 1

It was raining when I woke up today. I felt like writing so on a whim I wrote this crap, lmao. Read at your own risk!!😂

Bright♡

I LOVE YOU.

It is in moments like these, when the harsh reality of his career faded into the background and a semblance of normalcy didn’t feel like a far fetched dream; one that is hardly attainable, Win felt utterly happy. That doesn’t necessarily mean felt unhappy otherwise, after all acting was what he choose for himself because he loved, but sometimes when there is too much spotlight and expectations garnered on him, he thought it was inevitable to feel slightly paranoid.

Acting as a career sounded extremely fancy and all exciting at first. However, only when he embarked on the journey of hellish, hours long  coaching classes, seminars and rehearsals did he realise, being an actor wasn’t for everyone. There was this all consuming fear and anxiety of whether he will be able to cater to public demands and heed up to fans expectations. Plus the dread of not being enough, and blatant criticisms.

He feels grateful for the constant support he received from fans, families and his co-workers at work, who he thinks are the pushing force behind his success, but is also proud of his own hard work and determination.

Everything he did as an actor, ended up taking him where he is now. All of the emotions he had to go through in his work, Win believes, shaped him as the person who he has become and helped him grow more as a human.

Surely, he had to trade his privacy and freedom for the stardom, and cannot manage time to spend with his friends and family and loved ones as much as he wished for, but Win feels that might be the reason why he cherished these rare, otherwise meaningless and insignificant stolen moments of solitude.

Win always looked forward to these infrequent moments of seclusion. With him. His greatest reward, an achievement closest to his heart. His priority, his need. A person so precious to him, so dear, and so important, his whole existence revolved around him. His best friend, his biggest fan, his ultimate supporter and his greatest love.

Bright.

Work had been particularly exhausting today. Physically it has always been so, between highly packed schedules, and constant new offerings, there was rarely a moment of peace and rest. But that was his life now, and his body had adapted to the circumstance decently. 

Today, today the exhaustion had preceded every physical boundaries and stretched to new heights. He was mentally drained, to the point he felt nauseated, debilitated. Discomfort rose, and clawed at his chest, his stomach, everywhere.

His first ever solo project, with P’Min has almost reached it’s end, and while he enjoyed the journey throughout, disappointment reared it’s ugly head. A few members from cast and crew, along with him had decided to see the reaction, reviews and fan’s feelings about the show. Win had already been worried about the show’s ratings inside Thailand from past few weeks, and dreaded to read the comments. While most of the reviews had been positive, there had been some where fans had particularly highlighted their disappointments and lack of enthusiasm.

Win felt a little at peace that those growing displeasures had a lot to do with the story itself and very less with his performance, or of any actor for that matter. But the air of despondency had him wrapped in such a way it was hard, despite trying, to forget and let go of the feeling. Maybe it was a human’s nature to dwell and focus on the flaws and  negatives, when there are far more beautiful things, things that actually do make one feel better. There were compliments, and many messages of appreciation and love but Win found it hard to believe, despite himself, that those weren’t biased and sugar-coated.

One of the things Win hated about himself was the fact that he easily let other people’s thoughts affect him, let their insignificant visions get under his skin and affect the way he saw himself. While it didn’t happen very often, it still did. And Bright had to step forward and remind him of his worth, and how much he meant to him.

Bright had been there to guide him since the start, and is still sticking to him, vowing to hold his hand and stay together as long as he wanted him to. That blatant display and confession of such a selfless love and affection from Bright, so deep and so real, has Win shaking to the very core everytime he thinks of it.

Right after they were done for the day, Win made a run for the parking lot. He had brought his car to work today. Despite P’Eed offering to drive him home, he figured driving by himself would let his mind get rid of the wandering, unwelcomed thoughts. P’Eed was hard to convince though. The women could get as stubborn as she pleases when it came to her babies; B1 and B2’s safety and health. She had sensed his discomfort pretty early on. The hand on his arm had felt warm and comforting as she re-assured him.

He found her so cute that before he knew he had her squeezed in his arms, tightly cocooned inside a warm hug. He kissed her in the forehead later when he tried to hurriedly leave, and ordered her to go back home and take a good rest for the day. She shook her head at his silliness, her elderly eyes brimming with undiluted adoration when she  said, “Enjoy, and take a good rest. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.” She gave the room a once over and whispered, “hopefully unmarred.”

Only that, her whisper was as loud as it could get.

“P’Eed,” he ran back to her, wide eyed. The entire room had their eyes on him, some lightening with amusement, and some very, very evidently failing to conceal their laughter at his panic, and red dusted face. It made him feel, his little disappointments were so much insignificant compared to those beautiful smiles. He remembered that one time when she had told they resembled two soldiers who had barely survived a raging war, when they spent a weekend together after a long interval.

“How did you know I am heading to Bright’s?” He asked her arrogantly, as if that wasn’t the plan. He was starving, but what he needed more than food at this point was his boyfriend.

“It’s written all over you face, baby.” She again tried to dim her voice, which Win noticed, was loud enough for everyone to hear.

This time though, he smiled. “I don’t know why you bother hoping, when you know it’s close to impossible.”

Thankfully everyone in the room had a NDA signed up. Otherwise Win could only imagine, how BrightWin’s would go rampant, if any leak of their intimacy was to happen. Apparently, their sentiments were no indiscernible shape among the shadows. And fans already had enough theories to clown over.

P’Eed faked a long sigh, and looked past him, to the right, where a bunch of crew members were chatting. “Jan,” she called the makeup artist, “you’re in for one heck of a job on Sunday.”

“They’re gonna test your patience.” Somebody else supplied from the background.

P’Eed transferred her attention back to Win, “again.”

“She doesn’t mind, Mae.” Win referred to P’Eed, “she keeps prying for some juicy details, always.” He hid behind P’Eed instantly. Jan had a black belt in Taekwondo, and it wouldn’t take her much to whack him in the ass.

The whole room cheered over Jan’s dumbfounded face. Win had lied. But, She and P’Jenny were the craziest BW’s to exist in the entire GMM building. Win was sure of it.