can't be seen with you (but it's cool)

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guz.

he's loveable, warm, polite, sweet.

guz .

he's always been a little dumb, really. skirting around anything and everything inconvenient to cross his path. and even though it might be cowardly, it's worked time and time again. because he's loveable, warm, polite, and sweet. avoiding small problems shouldn't change a thing.

except when the small problems for guz grow bigger and develop into enormous, unconquerable, daunting problems. and when push comes to shove, guz shoves, shoves, shoves, in an effort to dodge his problems yet another day.

his current problem just so happens to be his overflowing love for his best friend. to his demise, no matter how hard he tries, guz can't seem to push, push, push it away like he always has.

unwanted baggage and filthy emotions fall too heavy on his back and his guz is oh-so tired of hauling.

so jonatan constantly showing up at guz's door (for ben, of all people) definitely does not help his dire condition.

especially not today, wearing dumb blue jeans that hang a little too low on his hips and a shirt loose enough to showcase protruding, pale collarbones.

he's far from formal but it's all that guz needs to absolutely fall apart. guz knows all too well that jonatan is not here for guz. his effortlessly flawless hair doesn't keep guz from dreaming.

jonatan comes again, and again, and again. anything but slowly, he starts coming for ben every time , and it tugs on the delicate strings of harps and violas making the most lucid and inharmonious sounds to guz's ears.

guz has known jonatan forever. so why does it hurt so much?

jonatan has been best friends with guz for as long as he can remember and yet guz cannot seem to obtain even the smallest drop of attention ever since his brother walked into the picture.

especially since jonatan is friends — maybe even best friends — with ben. and ben, being the oblivious boy he is, is completely unaware of just-how maybe utterly in love jonatan is with him.

moments between them, awkward and fragile, change guz's entire orchestra (in his head, guz can't play instruments), that once played melodiously turn condescending and vulgar.

then again, guz has never studied fine arts.

but it doesn't change the fact that he's noticed the small voice reserved for ben during conversations and he's noticed the flirty jokes that never leave guz's head.

the worst part is that the circumstance is un-skirtable, inevitable. he doesn't have the heart — or even the permission — to disregard the pretty boy at his door by slamming it shut in his face.

not when they're also friends, and he's gotta pretend that being overly lovable, warm, polite, and sweet are all extremes part of the "best friend" package. 'cause they're not, not in guz's package, at least.

guz stares lost in reverie while jonte's head pokes around guz's torso to peek down the hallway. he knows what he's looking for, even though it's nowhere near.

"ben told me he was home?" guz shrugs his shoulders. why would ben tell he was home when he wasn't? guz thinks he might fall sick from the frown plastered on jonatan's face.

with silence creeping, in true guz fashion, guz goes, buttered, candied, sweetness all over again, all over  jonatan. guz can't help it.

he gives a heartfelt greeting, which probably doesn't seem that heartfelt because he only says "hi" and "come inside" (it feels like a million words, though).