Always and Forever

Chanyeol opens the drawer at the side of his table and takes out a piece of paper and a ball-point black pen. He takes a deep breath and stares blankly at them before starting to write with his lips pursed into a thin line.

"Hey, Baek! Hi! You do know I'm Chanyeol, right? Of course you do, okay sorry for being dumb. Okay I really don't know what to write on this clean piece of paper which is, of course, not clean anymore because my writing sucks. Just look, I mean, I write like a kid! Sorry, well anyway, I just want to tell you that I really miss you. So much, you know. Everyday I wait for you and well.. Where are you Baekhyun? We really miss you. Joonmyeon hyung misses your cheerful attitude. Kyungsoo misses the way you sleepwalk to the kitchen and eat almost everything in the fridge. He hates it, but loves it at the same time. Then there's Sehun who's sulking in his room all the time because Luhan is at China and you're not there to cheer him up. Then there's also Kai  who misses teasing you. I don't know why they're crying. Why are they crying Baekhyun? They said you won't come back. They said you'll never come back. What are they saying? I don't understand. You'll come back right? You promised."

After writing, he folded the piece of paper neatly and slipped it inside a white envelope. He pulls the drawer open and tosses the pen back in before making his way to Joonmyeon to ask him to send it to Baekhyun.

He heads back to his room, climbs up on his bed, and drifts to sleep.

The next night, he decided to take out another piece of paper and the same pen that he used last night to write another letter for Baekhyun.

"Do you remember the first time we met? When we stared at each other for, I think, 10 seconds. Then you said we we're gonna get married jokingly. I was thinking that you might be an angel that fell from above. I'm getting romantic. That's a good thing, right? Kk~ well, that was true anyway. I wish I said I love you earlier. Well now, you're gonna drown with my love! I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you forever and I will always love you forever and ever! I love you and I miss you! Come back, okay? You promised!"

After writing, he, once again, folded the piece of paper neatly and slipped it inside a white envelope before sealing it. He pulls the drawer open and puts the pen back in before making his way to Joonmyeon to ask him to send it to Baekhyun.

The next afternoon, Joonmyeon peeked inside Chanyeol's room to check on him. The latter was about to write another letter for Baekhyun when Joonmyeon called out for him. Chanyeol turns his head to the side to look at the older.

"Yes, hyung?" Chanyeol flashes a bright smile. He always does.

Joonmyeon heaved out a deep sigh, his hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt after pushing the door open a little wider. He keeps his head hung low with his fringes blocking his face a little bit. "Chanyeol, stop." He managed to speak.

Chanyeol tilts his head to the side in confusion as he sits up straighter. "What?" He asked in a puzzled tone.

"Stop it Chanyeol. You're just making it harder for all of us."

Joonmyeon looked up at Chanyeol after a sharp intake of breath, trying to be more of a leader than a coward.

Chanyeol's gaze fixes on Suho for a while as if something in his eyes was telling the latter to stop. "He's going to come back. He promised. He promised me. He told me he's going to come back. He really did." The younger said, his voice shaky and barely audible.

Joonmyeon clenches his hands into a tight fist before punching the wall with a powerful force before shouting, "Stop it,Chanyeol! Please... Please, just stop! Stop hurting yourself! Stop hurting all of us! It's been five months since Baekhyun died!" And that's it. That breaks Joonmyeon's self-control and he breaks, tears streaming down his face.

" He didn't die!" Chanyeol raises his voice as well as he stood up abruptly, the force of his sudden action making the chair he was sitting on fall down on the floor with a loud thud.

"Face the reality, Park Chanyeol! Baekhyun is dead! He's not with us anymore, and he can never be with us again. We can't do anything about it. He won't come back! He will never come back.. I know it's hard to accept, Chanyeol, but that's reality! Stop escaping it. It will just keep on haunting you and hurting you until.. It will take you slowly, little by little, pieces by pieces, until you're also gone." He releases another deep, meaningful sigh. "I'm sure if he sees you like this, he wouldn't be happy. Stop it, Chanyeol. Just—please. Stop it."

Chanyeol's tensed body slowly relaxes at the realization and acceptance of what Joonmyeon was trying to say. He feels his knees shaking and soon, he falls to the floor on his knees and cried, cried like everything was taken away from him as if nothing was left.

Baekhyun was his everything.

Joonmyeon tried to offer some comfort by patting the poor boy's back but it looked like Chanyeol wanted to be alone, so the older steps out of the room and pulls the door close before walking back towards his own room.

Chanyeol weakly pulled his chair up and took a seat. He grabs the piece of paper and ballpen that he took earlier before Joonmyeon came. His vision was blurry because of the tears flooding his eyes, so he closes his eyes for a moment and wiped his falling tears with the back of his hand. A tear lands on the paper and slightly spreads, but he really didn't mind.

He stares at the paper blankly before writing.

"Hey there, Byun Baek. It's been five months, huh.. What am I doing to myself? I'm sure you're probably thinking I'm dumb up there, huh? I hope wherever you are, you're happy... When you were at the hospital, I just.. I just couldn't visit you. I couldn't see you so weak. My eyes can't take the sight of you like that. My heart would ache so much and my whole legs would shake.. I just can't. And when I heard the news that... you.. you were... you were gone... I couldn't take it. It was so hard to accept, that I didn't accept it at all. But now... I never knew that not accepting that you're gone was being such a hindrance. I love you so much but I have to accept it now.. We'll meet again, someday. You promised. We promised to each other, right? Let's not break our promises. Together, forever, that's us!"

He folds the piece of paper neatly and slips it into a white envelope before sealing it. He leaves it on the bed before placing the pen back into the drawer. He steps out of his room while mumbling with a small, meaningful smile...

"I love you so much, Byun Baekhyun. Always and forever."