Too Late To Comeback (Book 2)

Chapter 11: Apologize To Yourself

I was still not all too happy as to just what it was that the coach had in fact even said to me the other day, if it was that I was not going to lie to my self. As I kind of felt like I was never going to be able to get back in to the shape that I needed to be in. I knew that it was that I wanted to be a receiver, but that was not what it was that was going to happen now, clearly.
No... It was not going to happen ever at this point, as I was in fact quite sure of, all at the exact same time too. As it was that I had in fact just seemed to stand there and stare for just a little bit longer, I just kind of dipped my head a bit low to the ground. As I kind of felt like I did not want to keep going through the day.
I was always known for being a good athlete, do the fact that I was in fact athletic of course. But also the fact that it was that I was fast. Which I of course would be able to practice, and I would be able to get in to shape for. If it was that I was a receiver.
But sadly I was not a receiver what so ever, as I was in stead the quarterback, which every one should feel happy about right? Well... That was every one besides me, as I knew that it was that I never had been one before.
It was too late in my career to start it at this point I was quite sure if. As I knew that I had always practiced to be a receiver, all at the exact same time too, none the less. But now it was clear to me all of the sudden, that it was that I was in fact not going to be as such a thing like that, sadly enough.
I kind of just dipped my head low to the ground, as I knew that this was the last year for me to get back in to the condition that it was that I needed to be in right now. For me to have a chance of ever making it to the NFL. As I knew that this was the only chance it was that I did in fact have to be a star.
I could not just start over and be a quarterback! That was simply just not how it worked... Surely right? As I felt like I had far too many thoughts going through my head right now to concentrate on just what it was that I was doing right now.
As I knew that what it was that I was in fact doing of course, was simply just the fact that I was doing arm work outs right now. As this was our off day, and we did not have to practice today. But me and Johny and a few of the other guys had decided that we were going to head to the gym any ways.
Even with the fact that it was that I knew that the school year was in fact about to go on ahead and start all of the sudden, at that. As I kind of just let out a little bit of a heavy sigh to my self, all at once, as soon as it was that I had in fact thought on that. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to just start to breathe in quite a bit of a heavy sigh to my self, all at once.
I did my best to just act as normal as I felt like I possibly could, all at the exact same time too. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to put the weights down, all at once, at that. As I felt like I was too tired to keep on going at this point. As I knew that as much as every one else was not all too worried about it what so ever.
I knew that I needed to get ready for the school year at that. As I knew that I was going to have a lot of core classes this year. So that it was that I could in fact be able to graduate just when ever it was that I did in fact feel like I did in fact want to graduate.
As I knew that of course, that I for sure did not want to be a class behind what so ever, at that. Not that it would really matter what so ever. As I knew that it was that I did not really have any friends from my classes, besides the ones that were in here, which I was sure that I would never talk to again once it was that I got out.
Well... I did have one friend that it was that I did in fact kind of remember about, all at the exact same time too, all at once. As I then did in fact seem to start to remember about my old high school team mates. As that was in fact Ray of course, as it suddenly then did in fact start to bring a light, and a smile to my face, all at once, as soon as it was that I had thought about him all of the sudden, all at the exact same time as well, never the less.
I just kind of breathed in a little bit of a soft sigh to my self, all at once. As I kind of just did my best to try to keep my self as calm, and as normal as I felt like I possibly could, all at once. As I then did in fact just seem to start to lift my self up, all at the exact same time too, and I then did in fact begin to start to go towards the exit of the gym that it was that I was in fact in right at this very moment in time too all of the sudden, all at once.
As soon as it was that I had in fact just seemed to start to do as such a thing like that, all at once. That was when I then did in fact hear the voice of Johny from right up next to me. As it was clear that it was that he was in fact a little bit lost, and that it was that he was in fact clearly confused as to just what it was that I was even doing right at this very moment in time too, in the very first place any ways.
I kind of just seemed to let out a little bit of a soft sigh to my self, all at once, at that. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to start to turn my head over towards him, all at once. And I then did in fact just seem to start to nod right back on over towards him, at that. As it was that it was in fact clear to the both of us that it was that I was in fact paying my full attention on to just what ever it was that he did in fact feel like he even needed to say to me right at this very moment in time too.
I kind of just seemed to breathe in a little bit of a heavy sigh to my self once again, all at once. As in the end, I just then did in fact begin to start to hear his voice, as it was that it was in fact clear to me right now. That it was that he was in fact stilling continuing to speak to me, at that. As I of course as much as I did not want to, did in fact begin to start to listen as to just what ever it was that he did in fact feel like he even needed to say to me in the very first place any ways, all at the exact same time too, once again.
"Where are you going Grant? We still haven't got to the cardio stuff yet!" He said to me, all at once. As I kind of felt like I wanted to tell him that I kind of just felt like I needed a break for just a few moments. Or I needed to use the bathroom or get some water, all at the exact same time as well.
But I knew that there was no use in the fact that it was that I was in fact going to lie to him, all at the exact same time too, at that. As I knew that it was that I should just simply tell him the truth as to just what it was that I was in fact about to go right on ahead and do all at once, at that. As I just kind of blinked my eyes a few times, as it was that I had in fact just seemed to think on that all of the sudden, at that.
I kind of just seemed to continue to stare at him for just a little bit longer, as it was that it did not seem like I was all too sure as to just what it was that was in fact going on at first. But that was when it was that I then began to start to remember the plan that it was that I had long before now, all at the exact same time too. As I knew that not only was it the fact that it was that I felt like I was in fact far too worn out to keep on going through out the day.
But it was also the fact that it was that I knew that I wanted to go and talk to my friend Ray, at that. As I was sure that he had not thought of me a single bit once it was that I had in fact been in here, at that, never the less. But either which way it was that it did in fact just seem to just so happen to be, all at the exact same time too, at that.
I just then did in fact seem to start to go right on ahead, all at once. And then in the end, I just then did in fact seem to start to nod right on ahead over towards Johny, at that. As it was clear to me that it was that I was in fact letting him know that I was about to go and respond back to just what it was that he had said to me, at that, never the less, once again.
As it was that I had in fact just seemed to start to do as such a thing like that all of the sudden, at that. That was when in the end, I just then did in fact seem to start to see that luckily enough for me all of the sudden. That it was clear to me that he was in fact letting me know he was in fact paying his full attention to me right now. As it was that he did in fact just seem to start to nod right back on over towards me.
I kind of just let out a little bit of a soft sigh of some sort of relief to my self, all at once. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to feel a whole lot better about this all. As I then did in fact just seem to start to go right on ahead, all at once, at that. And I then did in fact seem to start to speak to him, all at the exact same time too. As I knew that it was that he was in fact beginning to start to listen as to just what it was that I did in fact feel like I even needed to say to him, at that.
"I just feel like I'm too tired to keep on going honestly Johny... And I also wanted to go and call one of my old friends on the phone too... Before I go to sleep of course..." As I felt like I needed to put a little bit of some emphasis on the fact that it was that I did in fact feel like I just wanted to get this over with. And that it was that I felt like I was in fact far too tired to keep on going through this gym work out.
Johny did not seem to be all too pleased by just what it was that I had in fact just seemed to say to him for some odd reason or another, which I was not all too sure as to just why it was that it might be the case. As I kind of wondered if it was that he felt like I was lying about this. As if I was going to go and do some thing else in this useless prison that had nothing to do in, in the very first place any ways, never the less, once again.
I kind of just tilted my head a little bit on over towards Johny, all at once, as I was not all too sure as to just what it was that was even going on with him right at this very moment in time any ways, at that. As in the end, I just kind of began to start to squint my eyes right back over towards him. As I knew that he took football seriously and all, all at once.
But I felt like even when it was that I had really been on my grind, I knew when it was that I needed to stop, and I knew when it was that I could not just keep on going. That was the point that I was at right now, as I also knew that I did in fact badly kind of want to go and speak to my old friend, at that. As I was craving to find out as to just what it was that had in fact been going on there, at that, never the less.
I knew that I also could try to call my parents, all at the exact same time too, at that. But I also kind of felt like they had in fact blocked the number that was in fact at this place. As it was that it always told me that it was unable to reach this caller. As it kind of hurt me to think on that, and as to the fact that my parents really felt like I was that much of a failure to them.
I breathed in a little bit of a soft sigh to my self, all at once. As in the end, I just then did in fact just seem to start to get my mind, and I just then did in fact just seem to start to get my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts that it was that it had in fact even seemed like I had in fact even been thinking on long before now, at that. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to start to see that Johny, much to my surprise.
Did in fact seem to start to nod on over to me, all at once. As luckily enough for me, it did in fact seem like it was that he did in fact under stand as to just what it was that I was in fact getting at, all at the exact same time too. As it was that I had in fact just seemed to realize that it did in fact just so happen to be the case, all at the exact same time too, all at once.
That was when I then did in fact just seem to start to blink my eyes a few times over towards him, at that. As I then did in fact just seem to start to go right on ahead, and I then did in fact just seem to start to nod right back on over towards him all of the sudden, all at once. As it was in fact clear that it was that I was letting him know that I was in fact paying my full attention on to just what ever it was that he did in fact feel like he even needed to say to me right at this very moment in time too, at that.
I kind of just seemed to stare for just a few more moments, all at once. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to start to go right on ahead, and I heard him begin to start to speak to me of course, at that. As I of course did in fact just seem to start to listen as to just what ever it was that he did in fact feel like he even needed to say to me, all at once, at that.
"Well... If this is more important than football to you... Than you go ahead and do it... But you can't always be taking time off like this... You have to battle through the weariness... It builds stamina, and it builds endurance..." He said to me, at that. As I knew that he was in fact correct on just what it was that he had in fact even just said to me, all at the exact same time too, never the less, at that.
But I kind of felt like I really just did not want to hear that right now. As it felt like my mind, and my focus was in a lot of a different state than that right now, at that. And I felt like there were in fact far more important thing than that right now, that I even needed to be worried about right now.
Hell... I was not all too sure if it was that I was in fact even going to play football at a pro level ever again. So why would it really matter to me on the fact that it was that I needed to practice for some football... When all that it was that it was just going to end up in, was simply just some more disappointment.
I kind of shook my head a little bit to my self, all at once. As I kind of just felt like I needed to calm my self down, all at the exact same time too. As I just then did in fact seem to start to get my mind, and I then did in fact just seem to start to get my focus on the fact as to just what it was that was in fact even going on right at this current moment in time, never the less.
As I just seemed to stand there and stare for just a little bit more time, all at the exact same time too, at that. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to start to realize that all of the sudden, all at once. I then did in fact realize that Johny was in fact gone, and that I did not need to worry about all of the stress and all of the anxiety that came with that, never the less.
As I was not all too sure as to just why it was that it seemed like he always felt like he had to watch me. It was a little bit weird if it was that I was not going to lie to my self either. But I felt like now was not really the time that it was that I really needed to have my mind, nor my focus on all of those thoughts what so ever right now, at that.
As in the end, I just then did in fact just seem to start to go right on ahead, and I began to start to turn around, all at once, at that. And I did in fact just seem to start to head on over to where it was that the exit to this place was even at all of the sudden, at that. As I began to start to open the door once it was that I got up close to it.
As it was that I had in fact just seemed to start to do as such a thing like that, all at once. That was when I then did in fact seem to start to look at Johny and his group of friends, all at the exact same time too. As I then did in fact seem to just start to speak quietly to my self, all at once.
"God... I wish that he would some times leave me alone... Like let me live my own life for fucks sake..." I said to my self, all at once. As I kind of immediately regretted as to just what it was that I had said to my self. As I was in fact for sure glad that it was that they had in fact not heard as to just what it was that I had in fact even just said, never the less.
As I knew that I had not meant as to just what it was that I had said at all, as I knew that I was in fact glad that of course, at that. That it was that Johny had in fact come in to my life, all at the exact same time too. As he had kind of brought out a new light, and a new bit of hope, all at the exact same time as well over towards me, at that.
As I also knew that it was that he was in fact kind of right on just what it was that he had said to me. I knew that if I wanted to go pro, than I could not just simply be lazy, and decide that some days I was not going to do any thing, and that I needed a break. As I knew that I needed to keep on going at it non stop, especially now with the restrictions that I did in fact now have on me, never the less.
I kind of was in fact still a bit upset by that, as I knew that the guy had done it on purpose. I would barely be able to say that it was an accident, and that I could forgive him for it. If it was not for the fact that it was that he had also taken the love of my life from me, all at the exact same time too.
As I was not all too sure as to just why it was that he felt like I had deserved as such a terrible thing to have happen to me, at that. As I knew that I had never really done any thing to that guy what so ever, all at the exact same time too, never the less. As it did in fact kind of hurt me as to the fact that it was that Kim had in fact done that to me, all at the exact same time too.
I knew that I still had her number saved in my head, all at the exact same time too. But she was not the number that it was that I was going to try to call right now. As I knew that the number that it was that I was in fact trying to call right now, all at the exact same time too, was in fact my friend Ray, never the less.
As I knew that it was that even if it was that I did in fact seem like I wanted to try to call Kim. I was fairly certain that it was that I never wanted to hear her voice ever again. That was just how bad it was that it kind of felt like she had in fact betrayed me, all at the exact same time as well. As I knew that I had never done any thing wrong to her either, surely, right?
I kind of just let out a little bit of a soft sigh to my self, all at once, as in the end, I just then did in fact just seem to start to go right on ahead, and I just then did in fact seem shake my head a bit to my self, all at once. As in the end, I just then did in fact get my mind, and my focus on just what it was that was going on right now. As I now saw as to just what it was that was in fact right in front of me right now.
I kind of just stood there, and I kind of just seemed to stare for just a little bit more time, all at once. As in the end, I just then did in fact seem to stare to look at the phone booth that was in fact right in front of me, all at the exact same time as well. That I was glad to see that no one was near at all right now, at that. As it was clear that every one that was in fact in the prison right now was too busy doing some thing else right now, to be at all worried about just what it was that was in fact even going on with me right now.
I kind of just seemed to stare for just a bit more time, all at once, as in the end, I just then did in fact begin to start to put my fingers on the dial pad, all at the exact same time too, at that. As I then did in fact begin to start to put in Ray's number, all at the exact same time as well, all at once.
As, as soon as it was that I had in fact seemed to do as such a thing like that, all at once. That was when I then did in fact just seem to start to hear the ringing all at once. As it was clear to me as to the fact that it was that he had not blocked my like it was that my parents had in fact done to me, all at the exact same time too, never the less.
I began to start to have a little bit of some glimmer of hope, as to the fact that I might actually have my friend answer his phone, at that, never the less, all at once. That was of course until I heard it go ring by ring, all at the exact same time too. As I kind of wondered if my number had come up as a scam caller on his phone, all at the exact same time too.
I surely hoped that it was not the case, if it was that I was not going to lie to my self, all at once. As I kind of just hit my fore head on to the phone, all at the exact same time as well, at that, never the less. I just then did in fact seem to start to speak to my self, all at once, at that, never the less. As it was that I did in fact just seem to start to do as such a thing like that.
"Come on Ray... Please answer man... I need you..." I said to my self, all at once, as I felt like it was words that it was that would never have come out of my mouth, at that. As it was that I had in fact just seemed to start to think on such a thing like that, all at the exact same time as well.
I then did in fact seem to start to hear the ringing stop, as I knew that it had in fact gone to voicemail, all at once, at that, as I had counted the rings. I was about to go on ahead and just start to close the phone, all at once. When it was that I then did in fact all of the sudden begin to start to hear a voice from the other side of the line, all at the exact same time too.
My hopes then seemed to go sky high, all at the exact same time too, as I felt like there might be some hope. Even if it was that he kind of felt like I had betrayed him and I had lied to him a ton of times. Which I kind of had of course, but this was going to be a real test if he was in fact a real friend, none the less.
I did my best to try to not breathe in to the phone microphone, all at the exact same time too. As I heard a confused voice begin to start to speak to me from the other line, all at the exact same time too, all at once. I of course did in fact begin to start to listen as to just what it was that Ray did in fact even have to say to me, all at the exact same time too, at that.
"Um yes... Hello? Who is this? How did you get my number?" He said to me, all at the exact same time too. As it was fairly clear to me that it was that he had in fact seemed to not be his voice mail. Unless it was an ultimate troll sort of voice mail, which I knew was not really like Ray to do as such a thing like that, never the less.
I kind of just sat there in silence for just a second or so, all at the exact same time too. As I was not all too sure as to just what it was that I should even say to my old friend, all at the exact same time as well. Was not all too sure if it was that he even wanted to hear my voice, what so ever.
I was a little bit scared, as I just held on to those thoughts for just a short bit more of some time. That was until it was of course, that I then did in fact begin to start to realize that all of the sudden, all at once. That it was that I did in fact feel like I did in fact need to go on and hurry up and speak to him, as well.
I knew that he would simply hang up the other side of the line, if it was that I was to not answer as to just what it was that he had just asked of me. As this time I did in fact kind of just start to breathe in a little bit heavily. Right in to the phone, which I was quite sure that he had in fact heard me do as such a thing like that of course.
None of that really seemed to matter to me what so ever, if it was that I was in fact going to be for real with my self, none the less. As I just simply seemed to continue to do as to just what it was that I was in fact doing long before now, all at once. As I just seemed to start to get my mind and my focus off of all of those other thoughts.
I of course did in fact seem to start to speak to my friend on the other side of the line, all at once. As I knew that it was of course, that he was in fact beginning to start to listen as to just what it was that I did in fact feel like I even needed to say to him, all at the exact same time too.
"Hey Ray... It's Grant... I'm sorry man... I was just checking in on you... It's been a while since we have talked... I just wanted to say I'm sorry man... And I hope that you are doing okay..." I said to him, as I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could in the mean time. As it was that I had in fact even just said as to just what it was that I had even just said to him all of the sudden, all at once.
As it was that I had in fact just seemed to start to say as such a thing as it was that I had in fact just said, all at once, that was when I just heard a bit of some silence from the other side of the line, all at once. As I thought for a second he might have hung up on me. But I realized that I would have known it if it was in fact the case, as I knew that this phone would have made a bunch of noise, never the less.
I kind of just seemed to shake my head, all at once. As I kind of just seemed to shake off all of those other thoughts that it was that it kind of felt like I had in fact even been thinking on long before now from my head, all at the exact same time too. As I kind of just seemed to stand there and stare for just a bit more time, as in the end, I just then did in fact finally begin to start to hear his voice as it was clear to me that he was now speaking back to me, all at once, at that.
As it was that he had in fact just seemed to start to do as such a thing like that, all at once. I kind of felt a little bit better, at that. As I then of course did in fact just seem to start to begin to start to listen as to just what ever it was that Ray did in fact feel like he even had to say to me in the very first place any ways, at that.
"Well Grant... I kind of can't speak to you right now... I'm eating out with my parents and they don't like you... Though... You didn't hurt me Grant... The only person you should apologize to, is yourself..."