Dilema

Like chains bounding me,
Like a cage trapping me,
So do my mistakes,
My past,
Hold me back.

I fret,
That it might all happen again,
Like a de-javu
And the bad scenes replay.
So I'll stay where I am .
No way will I try again,
Only to fall and break.

The brokenness,
The sadness,
The depression,
I can't bear to go through it again.

But will I remain here?
Stagnant!
Fearful to turn back,
Unable to move.
Will my wounded heart never heal?
Shall it continue to bleed?
Will I continue to dwell in the past,
Yet wanting to move on
Staying in darkness,
Yet stretching out to light.

In dilemma I lay.
The dilema of staying or moving.
I can't do both but desire to do both
To move and not to move.
To hold on to the past and to let go.

In this dark tunnel of confusion,
I look up to the light.
When will the chains be broken?
When will I move?

_Olatunji Esther Olayinka