Alcohol and Moonlit Shores

Suiren groaned as she stared back up at the ceiling, her mind a cluttered mess. She could already tell she would have to pull another all-nighter at the office. She couldn't remember the last time she slept or ate. Maybe someone would just come in tomorrow morning and find her dead in her chair. She wished that that would actually happen.

She groaned again, more loudly, a sound of frustration and exhaustion. It wasn't fair.

She took another swig of the drink. Suiren never was a fan of alcohol, but her husband was. He brewed his own alcohol at home, which he proudly described as tasting of 'alcohol mixed with the taste of moonlit shores'. It was nothing like he had described, at least to Suiren. It smelled and tasted awful, and it certainly didn't remind her of the nights they had spent together on the seashore, looking up at the stars while the sea air filled their lungs. "This tastes awful! Is this what you really think of our nights together?" Suiren had laughed and punched him lightly on the arm after she took a sip for the first time.

She hated it. She loved it. She couldn't make up her mind. It smelled like everything she had ever known and loved before the loss of her husband when he had been on a research mission and the ship capsized. After his death, Suiren abused his alcohol to suppress her internal torment and agony.

Her husband wasn't an alcoholic, but he had a strong tolerance towards alcohol, something that she clearly didn't possess as she felt herself losing touch with reality. Her head spun as she clumsily reached out for another gulp of the drink, longing for more of the intoxicating feeling.

His eyes made contact with her own from the framed picture on the other side of the table.She reached towards the picture, but drew her hand back in alarm as she realized he had changed. His face, which had been warm and welcoming, had hardened into an unhappy expression with a piercing glare, as if displaying disappointment towards her current behavior.

"Snap out of it! You're not the woman I swore my life to." His lips moved, and his voice rang in her head. Suiren knew she was tipsy, but it seemed so real. She just wanted to talk with him again after not being able to say a proper goodbye.

"You're right. I'm not... not anymore. Can I just join you? I'm so tired. I miss you."

"No! Not just yet. The ocean still needs you. We're oceanographers. We have the power to save the seas! Have you forgotten the purpose we fought so hard for?"

"What's the point now? Our purpose ultimately separated us."  She said, tearfully.

She hated the ocean. She loved it. Another conflicting dilemma. They had always been so passionate in protecting it, and this was how their efforts were repaid. She cursed it for taking away her husband, and yet... Her love for it had not diminished.

His only reply was a sad smile. It seemed like he was unable to find any words to soothe her. She wrapped her arms around the picture, drawing it close to her chest, as if somehow, she would be able to feel his warmth again.  It seemed so ridiculous, but she didn't care. She was content with their imaginary, dream-like conversation.

As she rested her head on the table and closed her weary eyes, she dreamt of them together, where the air smelled like salt, and the foamy waves rhythmically lapped against the moonlit shores. 

She could even hear his voice, gentle and smooth, just like the waves in her ear.

"Goodnight, my love."