Lisa

I always thought my life would be a fairytale. I will meet my Prince charming. and he would take me away from all the mishaps. but it wasn't like that I had to work hard. I struggled I lacked in a lot of things including ,food clothes ,shelter things that a princess would be covered with if she had a Prince charming. I had men that came pretended they were grown and when the time got tough and hard they left me. just like that my life changed drastically. I knew I was different when I repeated my name Lisaywhaley." what kind of name was that? I had to do something my life was not sugar coated with happiness .it was  sour and bitter but I made my own lemonade sweet. I was kind and I was gentle to people and they would tell me manners would get you further than money. and mind your own business .and you'll live a very long and prosperous life ,so I concentrated on those things sometimes missing a step or two because of my concentration on being better .even with nothing and having manners because of the nothings. I was pretty, soon I was old enough to know what they meant I got a job I was 14 years old when I worked at the plantation. I was 17 when I got my first house and 17 when I got my first car. I always worked hard and hard at what I worked at ,but that wasn't enough. I'm pretty I thought to myself, soon I would meet a guy and we would talk and wrap and get to know each other. the relationship would sometimes get tough but I would hang in there because I was young and beautiful and had a figure. and I had my own bank account since I was 17. that wasn't empty because I was afraid of being poor, but that was the joke I was poor .I just had a bank account. But people respected me for having money and I hated money because that seems the only way I got respect. I did not know the value of money until I was grown and gone out of my mother's house and had my own babies. and a couple of husbands those didn't last I was difficult I didn't trust men nor,ladies for that matter and I waited for my fairy tale every relationship. I waited some became 65% ,some became 85% some became 90% but never 100% .so I erased my checklist and I reevaluated myself and I fell in love. but with myself. I thought life was cruel for that. But people started noticing me I started doing something for myself I developed talents wedding planning and house decorating and designing and drawing and finally fashion. drawing I was not into fashion I didn't even know what a cardigan was by that name I always say sweater so when I found out what a cardigan was I was like wow that is amazing, I really do like fashion. Something I was interested in it seemed I was on a fast pace fast speed to success you can do fashion all kind of ways. I made up my mind I would learn all about fashion and then I started drawing more and more and my drawings got more in depth with how I felt
Everyone could relate to Fashion. so that was a yes we had no problems .I would draw and draw and draw and sometimes I would fall asleep drawing. and my drawings became more and more intense. and more and more wanting .that everyone wanted it I didn't know that fashion was so pricey until I wanted it to be real not just sketches. but I did not give up I continue to draw throughout the years and my drawings became hobbies million and million of fashion designs. I slowed down momentarily to get a breather in but every day I would still do fashion .I will work even harder to save the money to buy the materials to draw and then I would move from place to place to fit my budget. I was doing it my style my way I had cars .I had money in the bank. I was doing good, I looked into the mirror and I thought you're an amazing woman. but I was alone and tired two failed marriages .that came and went.  and one of the failed marriages was a very long separation, I guess it is called failure to stop was the charge. I just didn't know how to let go, so I was alone and independent my own cheerleader and very proud and I finally I stopped and then I became very independent .didn't want anyone to give me or do anything for me. I guess pride has a way of doing that even through the sufferings. I still wanted my way doing it my style so I did weddings and all kinds of things. I moved into my own home and I paid my own bills. and I told me what to do not a man I had become over independent. but it did not matter it didn't even seem to matter to others they were comfortable with all the pain that I was going through. and then I landed a job and I became disabled August 16th 2008 I hurt my right hand very badly I could not work for a week or maybe it was 2 weeks and then after that I went to Doctors Care and it was not improving. and they said it would never improve and now I didn't have a job because of light duties that meant no money and when I applied for disability it was denied. they never change the reason they just change the head the date so it became appeals after appeals until I was exhausted .and finally I met a man again after going through sprinkles of relationship of failures .he seemed legit he asked me out and I accept it. We went to the battery that was in the South Carolina area and then we started going to the beaches and every day we would sit and talk .and we became very close .soon by the time it was time for the sex part we had already fallen in love. I waited I was a scarred woman. but he understood when it happened it was magical .and he even proposed shortly afterwards I accept it and then like things always happen something terrible I ended up getting kicked out from where I had first met him .and went into a homeless shelter and we saw each other from there and one incident after another that was not good happened but we cope with it and finally I was out of the homeless shelter. I was at my mom's and the whole entire time I was there I was homeless. I had a whole entire apartment in another city fully furnished and free because I was on the government assistant help housing .but because someone tried to hurt me I had to leave the whole entire house fully furnished but because of my fiance now we went back to the apartment load up what I wanted and left.the remainder things which was the whole house I just got some clothes and some things I left it fully furnished. And then I went back to my mom's but we put the things in storage and we waited until my transfer from that apartment in Branchville to the apartment in moncks corner South Carolina .and finally since Stevens and their the zero bedroom apartment it was exciting having my own place again, and this time with someone who said that he loved me. and that he would help me cope with my disability I was disabled I had bipolarism, anxiety I was anemic and I had a chronic pain of a right hand deficiency but that did not stop me I was determined to become someone and finally I was awarded. and I used my disability money to move out of the zero bedroom apartment which I loved but I needed space to spread my wings .and I spread my wings into a business called Lisa's advertising. and I did lots and lots of things that I didn't think I could with my disability. and the company grew From one to 14 and it lasted a very long time until someone took more than half of my savings ,more than half of my payroll out of my account. how I do not know but it was gone. and shortly after so was my business. I must be the worst luck person in the whole entire universe .but I did not stop there months went by and I hired someone to help me again a personal assistant that lasted until the next move .I needed something bigger so I moved to a three bedroom it was a huge home where I had just left was the same owner where it was only 500 dollars there but the huge house was 600. And I loved every inch of it it was my dream home I had asked him to keep it for me and he did and honest man thank God the best landlord ever .but my pain has just begun. My fiance and I moved in for my birthday that was my birthday gift just before we moved in my fiance van was taken so we only had one car ,and my car which I had let my daughter hold for 9 months.but now we're living at the new house once again my fiance which we're going to say his name is Ben and my daughter and her kids and myself stay there sometimes the road is Rocky but even rockier when you need help. My fiance Ben and my daughter did not get along they argued all the time she did not want him to use the car he fussed and fussed and argue until he finally gave up on myself and our relationship. after all those years he was gone he said he was through and tired and we had just moved to the new home I was devastated no one seem to care about me and what I thought. Finally I went after him he gave me half of the rent and I came back with half of the rent which was in April .when he left but may he gave me half of the rent but by June he had given up on even helping. he did not pay anything in June. I had to pay it myself .which was fine I started babysitting I got help ,the food started getting low and I started losing weight and more
Weight. I had become very small but I did not care I would do my prep for the new business everyday with my assistant Melissa I used the assistant everyday until my daughter said you have to let her go otherwise we're going to go under .so I paid her it was her last paycheck and shortly after she moved out of town, and by July I paid my rent which was $600 and I went after my fiance. once more, this time I stayed with him .my daughter and her friend was there by that time and things were going smooth but they were just beginning as well .and they couldn't keep the house, so I packed up my things best I could in a few hours that I had and two cars my daughter's car we did not even have a car at his estate and my car was still parked in the yard needing a part that I could not afford .I had taken out a loan . balance of $1,000 have to pay.but I could not afford that I was living with my fiance and his family now and I had to make sure I had my half of rent for that. It was a roller coaster ride but I did not want to take it was up and down but we were together. And when it was smooth out it was smooth out ,and when it was Rocky it was Rocky. But we made it work and it lasted for a year before I was tossed out into the streets .I don't like talking about this part but it is what had happened. I sat at the bus stop for several hours and I did not know what to do I had to go live with a complete stranger for thenight otherwise I would have frozen to death.
Sometimes I think about when I got that $7,000 that we sometimes talk about he asked me to leave with him and leave everyone behind but I did not want to leave anyone behind I'm a swimmer a fighter so I would help others stay alive. but that brought me down until I had no place to live so I had no choice but to ask my daughter the one that stay with me at the big house with me and my fiance. My daughter and her fiance came to pick me up and they did and they helped me move my things to the storage and I left and I came to where I'm staying at now Virginia Jarratt Virginia.
Things was smooth again I was missing my fiance but I could not go through another battle where I would be the instant loser. they dealt with the extra load I paid my way and it was hard getting food but I asked for help and when I got it from a pastor. I was thankful that I knew how to ask God for some things ,and ask man for other things .but again pride kept me strong but without until I found a system a better system and I still had to pay for the storage so I had to manage my money and I was alone but I wasn't alone because I had family here now, but it was hard being tossed in someone else's family even if the family member was my child. and the grands were really mine. It still was hard and when they went through their problems I went through it so they moved and I moved with them and I stayed in their home their new home for a year and a half before I moved into my own house. It's not been easy I've lost loved ones since then a father a step mother all in the same week. I was devastated again I had no one to talk to my stepmother was a great source she would listen and give you an advice.
From her advice it would always make sense keep your nose clean make sure your life is the way it's supposed to be. No one is going to help you if you cannot help yourself. and I remember these words now and she's gone and life is not easy now but I paid away for myself and when I look for my reward there's nothing there for me through the books and the music and the magazines and the designs still nothing where it should be a fat calf it is a famine in the land and I'm devastated again .I cannot handle this roller coaster ride I cry out to the Lord which comes my help my strength and then I think God could hear me through my struggles my sufferings so my question was where are you God do you even care? But that is the question we asked when we're going through something so he probably was prepared for the question but was I prepared for the answer. Here I am in a home that I love but it's very uncomfortable because I know I should be someplace greater not that this isn't a comfort zone but I have paved the way and it should be at its fullest. And even now I am not his fiance I am his wife and it's been Rocky since the day I said I do what happened to the closeness where we  used to share everything. does he care he's all I had in the past 8 years, and now that he threatens to leave what will I do if he does who will be my confidant .?most people say God. But God said in his words is not good for man to be alone I am a woman a Proverbs 31.  I will not tear down my home, but I will find a way to build it and rebuild it and rebuild it until there's no more lumber. until there's no more breath in my body but I will not stand for tolerance of ignorance. because I am very talented I am very smart but I cannot be alone I was not prepared that way .I was not raised that way, but I have love and Lost before but this is not a race. this is my real life ,everything you've heard is the truth just short handed so you won't get bored .and not care but every time you see these words you will think that you are blessed because the life that I have lived I made it a blessing by telling God everyday I will not stop believing ,I will receive the blessing you promised me. in this lifetime so therefore no weapon that is formed against me shall prosper. but I shall in this lifetime do all that you set me out to do .do all that you predestined me to do. this is just the beginning of all the blessings .so we'll take it slow. Thanks for reading my story everything that I've said is the truth. Living life on the fast pace. volume one stay tuned for volume two.
Life is a precious commodity never lose sight.