Parallel Universe [NaMon Fanfic]

Chapter 17

Nanon's POV

Should we go to the office together?

I sent a text message to Chimon, purely out of instinct. I guess I also hoped that he'd reply. I'm already outside our gate, contemplating what next move to make. And then I saw Pluem's car pass by. There's no mistaking it.

I typed another text message to Chimon.

Nevermind.

Maybe I should try commuting, if just for a change of environment, except I'll probably be late if I do that.

And then my phone rang. Jan is calling.

"Nanon, I'm almost there." What? Then I saw her emerge from the corner. What is she doing here?

"I've been worrying about you. Are you really okay?" I nodded at Janhae and gave her a small smile. She shouldn't be worried about me. If only she knows why I'm acting this way, she won't be standing in front of me, worrying. She even almost went to my house last night if I did not stop her. Now, she went to my house to check up on me. She did not ask me about why I cried, she only cared about how I feel, if I'm alright.

"You shouldn't worry about me," I whispered, my voice has gone hoarse from crying last night.

"You can't just tell me not to worry about you," Janhae said, holding my hand. It sent painful tingles through my fingertips.

"You deserve someone better than me."

"What are you talking about, Nanon?" Her grip on my hand tightened as it grew cold.

"You deserve someone better than me, Janhae," I repeated, saying each word slowly.

"Nanon, what happened? Why are you saying these things?" I let go of her hand.

"Nanon, if you don't feel well, you can just skip work today. I'll tell your manager, but please don't say things like that." Ah, yes. We have work today. I wonder if I'll see Chimon. I clutched my bag tightly, trying to suppress the emptiness that suddenly unfolded in my chest.

"I'm alright. I'm not sick," I replied.

"Then, is this about the video? I'm alright! I don't care about what people are saying! We both know the truth!" Do we really, Janhae? Do you know the whole truth? I used to be someone who loved her with every inch of me. Now, I could only wish to be that person again, if just so I won't hurt her. I wish I did not become this Nanon that she doesn't know anymore. I don't even know myself anymore.

"Nanon, look at me." I turned towards her and God, she's still beautiful, despite her tears threatening to fall. How could I hurt her? She's nothing but loving and understanding while I became an insincere and lying jerk. Why did I become this way?

"We're not breaking up, alright?" Her tears fell at the last word and I couldn't help it, I hugged her tight. Her muffled sobs resounded through me. I wish I'm the one hurting instead of her.

"I'm sorry, please don't cry." I whispered as she cried on my shoulder. I could feel her trying to suppress her tears.

"Don't leave me, please," my heart ached. How could I even leave someone who loved me honestly and wholeheartedly?

"I'm sorry."

"I need you, Nanon." A tear escaped my eyes. She always did her best to be with me during my best times and worst times, but now I can only feel her fall apart in my arms.

"I'm sorry."

"I love you." My eyes stung. I pulled away from our hug and wiped her tears away. I know too well who I truly love to tell her I love her too, but I'm also too much of a coward to tell the truth.

"If you need space, I'm willing to give you that. Just..."

"Janhae-" I don't need space to know the truth.

"We should do that. Give each other some space. I'm sure this will pass. You'll be alright again. We'll be alright again-"

"Janhae." I held her hand. I need to make a decision now. I stared at her pleading eyes. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to lie either.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No!"

"Is it because I don't have time for you?"

"Janhae, what are you talking about?

"Is it because I've been cold and distant lately?"

"It's not that, Janhae! You're not the problem here?" I sighed in frustration. I turned my back on him and inhaled deeply.

"Is there someone else?"

"What are you talking about, Janhae?"

"Is there someone else, Nanon?"

"I-" What should I say now?

"What am I talking about? Of course there's no one else." Fear crept through my lungs, constricting my breathing,

"I'm sorry I said those things. I'm just..." I stared at those deep brown eyes, those eyes that I fell in love with. I could still feel it deep beneath, trying to rise to the surface. I knew then that I can't leave her.

"We're not breaking up," I finally said. She smiled and hugged me and I kissed her forehead, as if it would blow her anxious thoughts away.

"I'm sorry for making you worry," I whispered.

"You don't have to apologize. In fact, I want you to tell me every time that you're not alright. I want to be there for you, okay?" I sighed and smelled her hair.

"We should probably go to the office," I replied.

"Yep, just let me retouch for a bit." She broke away from the hug and grabbed her purse. I watched her reapply makeup before we drove to the office. The ride was silent, my one hand was on the wheel while the other was intertwined with Jan's. I used to tell her that I wanted to drive that way but she insisted that I should have both hands on the wheel. So when we got in the car and she asked to hold my hand, I did not hesitate to say yes. I guess, this is her way of reassuring herself that I'm not going to leave her.

Our hands remained intertwined as we rode the elevator to the meeting room. I tried to distract myself by observing every detail I could see, but my mind was intent on searching for one person only. In fact, he's the first person I saw when we entered the room. He stood up, almost as if instinctively, and I could swear that he was staring right through me. But then someone pulled him down, and I tried to ignore the shrapnels of pain that seized my insides.

Chimon is back with Pluem.