LIVING & GRIEVING

03. the party

Looking out the window, I saw Hannah's car pull up with Olivia in the passenger seat. I should've expected their arrival as it was the day of James' big eighteenth birthday. I knew they weren't going to let me sit and mope around the house for much longer. I opened the door before they even had the chance to knock. Their faces lit up, taking this as a good sign and running with it.

"Okay, so you know its James' party- "

"Nope, not going," I cut Olivia off, "absolutely not."

"Come on V, you know we can't let you sit in your room forever. I'm not saying you need to get over it. I know it's only been a couple months. Just let us try and help you enjoy one night"

"Just one night," Hannah joined in, frowning.

"It won't just be one night guys, I know exactly what it will be like. If I go out tonight, everyone will expect me back out every weekend again. I'm not ready."

"Stop thinking about it like that. It's one night, no expectations. We promise."

"Why don't you guys come in and we can have a couple drinks then I'll see how I'm feeling?" they both squealed, and I knew I was done for.

Less than an hour later and only 2 drinks in, Olivia had already rung James to let him know we all couldn't wait for his party. Couldn't fucking wait. I had definitely given in too easily. It would've been completely understandable for me to send the girls away and tell them to try again in another few. Regret started to creep in. But I didn't want to let them down. I missed them both and I knew they only wanted to see me happy. I was also half determined to come off like I was dealing with everything great. Like usual, hiding how I really felt.

Plus, Olivia thought that James might finally make a move on her tonight. I knew that meant I would be ditched at the party though. And I thought these silly girl problems would make me angry. How could I worry over boys when my mum was dead? But I was actually glad of the distraction.

Olivia was a tall brunette with a soft tan complexion; one of the prettiest girls in our year and she knew it. She had always been popular, even in primary school, when we didn't even know what popularity meant. I didn't understand how James couldn't want her. She'd been pining over him for years and it was obvious. She could have any boy she wanted but she only wanted him. Me and Hannah often made fun of her for it, but I think deep down we both wanted them together just as much as her. They made sense.

Hannah didn't care at all for boys. She always said she believed in soulmates and there's no way out of the billions of people on the planet, you'd find yours in your own small town. I partially agreed with her, but my parents only lived five minutes away from each other and they made me believe in love. Hannah's parents weren't like that. They always argued and it ended up in divorce a couple of years ago. I thought that tainted her idea of relationships. She was the quieter one of the group and we all looked after her. It felt weird that she was taking on that roll for me.

"You look great V," she smiled at me, "You ready?"

Truthfully, I wasn't ready at all, but it was too late to back out and after my poor diet recently, I was already feeling the alcohol effects. For once, I wasn't annoyed that Olivia was pouring the drinks. Liquid courage was my friend tonight, I needed it. I took a deep breath and looked at my appearance in the mirror. The girls had straightened my blonde hair for me, and I was still a bit sun-kissed from the summer, so I only put on light make up. Olivia had convinced me to wear a tiny black dress. She said people would be talking about me anyway, so I might as well look good while they did. I wanted to tell her black reminded me of funerals now, but I kept my mouth shut.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I tried my best to force a smile.

"Remember we're gonna be by you all night. If you want to leave, just say. Now, let's go!"