Youth!

Too High For The House

 It was Friday night, and I was at Jake's house smoking. That day consisted of me doing nothing and waiting until it started raining to get on my skateboard and head outside. It was a crazy storm, and while he picked up the weed I jumped over someone's fence and into their yard so I could chill under the roof of the garage. Trespassing? Of course, but what else was I supposed to do? This wasn't just any type of rain, it was pounding like hell, and I couldn't do it. Waiting under the roof, I was so paranoid that even the slightest of sounds were somebody spotting me and coming to get me in my mind. Every few minutes, I checked for a text from Jake to say he was on his way back to the park. Eventually he returned, and we made our way to the school to get good shelter. After 20-30 minutes, the huge storm subsided, you could even see the sun setting, and a rainbow forming. It was beautiful. At this point, we decided to make our way to Jake's house to smoke in just in case the rain started to pick up, and we needed rolling papers which we knew we'd be able to get on the way there. On the way, we talked about life and Jake's plan for revenge. "Imma catch that dude, and he's gonna wish he never did that shit to me." He said, staring into the distance as we crossed the highway bridge towards the gas station. "Huh?" I asked, confused. "You know what I mean. That Charles kid is pussy." He said, visibly angry, and by the look on his face you could tell he was imagining beating the shit out of somebody. Oh, right. Last year, he had been attacked by a group of kids, and this kid "Charles" who was two years younger than me, was among the 6 who got hits in on him. Apparently, the attack was orchestrated by his own sister who was mad about a fight they had gotten into where Jake pushed her to the floor. He ended up hospitalized, nothing crazy but he had bruises and scratches all over his face. Though he had gotten his revenge on one of the kids, there were 5 others he felt he needed to throw hands with just to get even, and there was something about this Charles dude in particular that made his blood boil, probably the fact that he looked so damn goofy. Like damn, I'm not a male model by any means, but this is just not a cute kid, which probably makes it more insulting that he was part of the crew who attacked him. Like imagine somebody who looks like a Goomba from Mario beating you up with a smile on his face. Jake's plan was for us to jump him together if we ever caught him alone. I knew I couldn't stop him even if he tried, and I wasn't going to because this was his beef and he can take care of it how he sees fit, but it seemed pointless for me to attack someone who never did anything to me when Jake was perfectly fit to do the job himself. If anything, I'd just record the thing.

Once we got into his house I met his mom and greeted her, she smiled back and said hello. We went into his room and we rolled up the weed while chilling, listening to music. While he was downstairs getting food, I was playing whatever I wanted on the xbox, listening to some Duwap Kaine. Duwap Kaine was the greatest SoundCloud rapper of all time who happened to be the same age as me and dropped out of school at 13 to rap, which worked out pretty well for him. Once we got high, I was regretting even smoking. Weed and I have had a love/hate relationship over the years. Love, because it made me feel good, distracted me from things, and just put me into a different kind of headspace. Hate, because at times I would get too fried, start panicking and lose control of my thoughts, and start feeling physically sick. As soon as the joint came to me for the fifth time, I could feel my head spinning, my vision blurring, and the anxiety kicking in. "Bro, I think I'm going to be sick." I said, holding my head with one hand, and rubbing my stomach with the other as White Wine by Lil Peep played in the background. "You're chillin bro. Stop doing this shit." Jake said, vibing out while puffing like crazy. I sat down on the bed. "No man....I just don't feel good, I'm having weird, fucked up thoughts again, you know what I mean?" I asked, trying to explain. Jake shook his head. "You and that thoughts thing man, you're fuckin chilling just stop thinking so much." He said. This is why I never even bothered. This kid wasn't gonna understand what I'm saying. He has no mental issues, he's not gonna understand. Explaining mental illness to someone who's completely unfamiliar to it is like a language barrier, especially when you yourself do not even know what is wrong with you. Still, that comment made me mad, I was mad because of his insensitivity, as if it was as simple as "not thinking." even though I didn't understand what was wrong with me at the time, I knew it was going to take a lot more than that to fix me. "You're annoying." I told Jake. He got up. "Whatchu mean I'm annoying. You're annoying." He laughed. Half playfully and half aggressively, I grabbed him and we began fighting. Jake had more pounds on him than me for sure, but it wasn't enough. I was muscular, just skinny as hell. Like 5'10 140 pounds skinny. Still, I was able to have my way with this kid. "You ain't got nothing, boy!" Jake said as he grabbed my arm and tried to pin me against the couch. Laughing, I faked a knee kick towards his stomach and pulled him, then picked him up by both of his legs. There was a loud ass THUD as we hit the ground, with me on top of him holding him in place with a headlock. "Aight bro, chill, chill!" He said, while tapping out. "My mom's gonna be like wtf is going on." Sweating and panting, we shook hands and agreed I was the better wrestler. "You are strong for a skinny ass dude bro!" He said. He was right. The fighting helped me to feel better for a while but before long the feeling of being too high returned, and this time I just felt tired. 

You know how when people get too fucked up, they call a girl? For some, it's their current girlfriend, or their crush, or their ex, because fuck it! You want to hear a familiar, comforting voice, you want to feel safe. In my case, I didn't talk to any other girl besides Claire, so after staring at her name in my phone for a minute, I decided to call her up.

"Hello...." I said

"Marcus?" She answered

"I'm mad fucked up right now..I had too much to smoke." I said.

"I'm sure you did." She said, with a sigh.

"Whatchu up to?" I asked.

"Nothing, just chilling in my tent in the backyard." She answered.

"Dope. Can I pull up?" I asked.

"Sir, do you see what time it is?" She asked, laughing.

"Um...yeah... You heard my question." I said.

"I mean, I might go to sleep soon.." She said, followed by some silence.

"You gonna stay up or try to fall asleep?" I asked. She yawned again. "Eh, I may just stay up, I guess you can come. Don't take too long though." She warned. It was like 1:00 am by this point and the last place I wanted to be was this house that was making me feel claustrophobic, so of course I was gonna be on my way. After telling Jake I was leaving, who was still smoking, I dipped out of the house, grabbed my skateboard and went on my way towards Lakewood. I hadn't been out that late in so long, but with pretty much no cars or pedestrians in sight, I flew across the roads, and past the lake, excited to chill with Claire. I could see the stars twinkling in the night sky, and with every push of the board I could feel the breeze. The vibe was just right, and the sky was beautiful.. Like a kid on a playground, I was out and about, the street was my playground, and Once I passed the big ass high school and saw trees I knew I was close to her house. You know how to save time when meeting up with someone, so you text them before you're even there? I took out my phone and texted "I'm in front" while holding the board with the other hand. Claire had a tent setup in her backyard, because of it being good weather and all. She wanted to lay in the tent and look up at the stars with me. When I got into her backyard, I shut the gate and we crawled into the tent.