Youth!

Looking To The future

When I finally got back home, before going to sleep, I decided to do something crazy. Digging into some printer paper, I took out a fresh sheet, grabbed a pen, and went to work.

Hey Claire! Remember a while ago when you said I'd be a good boyfriend, that I'd find somebody one day? Well I think I have.... She's not my girlfriend just yet but I'm going to make her mine. I'm already in love!! I don't know if we'll ever talk again... but thank you for giving me confidence and believing in me. It went a long way. No hard feelings for you going ghost either, I understand if you've got a lot going on.

I rolled it up, and went out to the creek at the park we would always chill at, at 11 pm. I stuffed it in a water bottle, just like they did in the old days with messages, and sent it on it's way down the creek. There was no more crying, there were no more tears, no more missing Claire. Just looking forward to my future with Haley and what was to come. At this point, she was the only girl that mattered to me and I was going to make her my girl. Also, the word "Bitter" doesn't describe me. So despite how things turned out with Claire with her going ghost, I wished the best for her in life. Not missing her or wanting to talk to her again really, but just hoping that she found someone she was compatible with as well, and got over that Izaya guy from Ohio. Everybody deserves that, no matter who they are, and the right person is out there. You may not believe it if you've been played, cheated on, or just can't find love yet. But one day you will find love even if it takes a few tries.

I also found out a while ago that I have OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder) which explains everything starting from when I was 16 and even prior. It sucks, and can be hellish at times, and I can't even remember how my brain was before the onset of it, but it's my life and I have to make do with the cards I've been dealt. At 18 I started going to therapy, and taking part in healthy activities to get my mind off of negative things, such as working out and writing. Just as Ana told me 2 years ago, "The more life experiences you have, the more you'll be able to write about, so keep learning about the world and your experiences, and write about something relatable." That's what she said.....right?? Well yeah, I feel as if at 19 I have plenty to write about, so I'm gonna start.  Maybe this will become a coming-of-age short story and I can visit high schools around my area to present it and talk about my life. Maybe that's a stretch, maybe I'm daydreaming with that, but the possibility definitely exists! Oh yeah, Haley and I are going on 6 months strong as a couple, and during the third week of June I plan on seeing her for her birthday, which should be great!! Let's hope this story is done by the time I see her. Now, how to begin......

 When you're young you learn a lot. Particularly during my late teen years, I learned a lot about myself, and who I wanted to be, and it all came from meeting new people and my interactions with them. My seemingly boring life got a whole lot more interesting, and a factor that had been missing in my life came into play: Women! I'm gonna tell you a story!!!