In a Heartbeat (Complete)

Chapter 25

Umiiyak akong umalis doon, hindi alam kung saan pupunta. Bahala na. Gusto ko munang mapag-isa.

Naupo muna ako sa waiting shed na naraanan ko at pinakalma ang sarili ko. Nang medyo huminahon na 'ko ay naglakad na 'ko papuntang sakayan at sumakay ng taxi.

I spent the entire ride looking out the window, watching the streets fill up with people and vehicles as time passed.

I mentally chuckled. There are really times that no matter how hard we work for something, it is not destined to happen, and so, it will never happen.

Some things aren't really meant to last. Some things aren't really meant to be no matter how hard we push and hang on.

Like us.

But I don't have any regrets. I already told him that I love him, and I'm not expecting anything in return. He became a part of me, momentarily. It was a wonderful journey with him and I learned a lot from it.

Nang tumigil ang taxi ay nagbayad muna ako at nagpasalamat bago tuluyang bumaba. I sighed deeply when I saw our house.

Our house that used to be our home.

"Welcome home," I mumbled to myself after walking inside the house.

Wala nang mga gamit dito sa loob, pero punong-puno pa rin naman ito ng mga masasaya at malulungkot na alaalang pinagsaluhan namin nina Mama at Papa.

Umakyat ako sa taas at pumasok sa kwarto ko, ang natira na lang na furniture rito ay ang kamang si Mama pa mismo ang pumili para sa 'kin at ang study table na niregalo sa 'kin ni Papa noong 16th birthday ko.

Noong pumasok naman ako sa kwarto ni Mama ay napangiti ako. Naroon pa halos lahat ng mga gamit niya. Talagang hindi inalis ni Papa. Kahit pa sabihin niyang galit siya kay Mama dahil sa ginawa nito, hindi ako naniniwala roon.

Hindi niya kayang magalit kay Mama. Tampo, oo, pero 'yung galit talaga? Hindi e'. Sobrang mahal niya si Mama... talagang sinubok lang sila ng pagkakataon.

Naupo ako sa dulo ng kama at kinuha sa ilalim ang box. Naroon lahat ng pictures niya, pati na 'yung photo album na ibinigay sa 'kin ni Tita Alexa, 'yung tita ni Aly.

My eyes felt warm and heavy after seeing our pictures. We were so happy here. But now... I don't know. I can't explain it.

I bit my lower lip. I didn't know why each page felt heavier than they should be until I noticed there were teardrops on them.

When I finished scanning the whole photo album, I started crying while hugging it. I lay down on bed when a lot of thoughts began to occupy my mind.

Sa sobrang tagal ko nang hindi nararamdaman ang ganito kabigat na pakiramdam, ngayon ko lang na-realize na hindi pa talaga okay.

Pinipilit ko lang maging okay para makasabay ako sa agos ng buhay. I just realized that I'm trying so hard to be happy. I'm doing my best to forget my worries, but sometimes, it is way too hard to fight against my own thoughts.

It is way too hard to fight the feeling of emptiness that gets heavier and heavier each day.

Ah, pambihira. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano'ng mayroon ngayong araw. Sobrang laki yata ng kasalanan ko sa past life ko kaya ganito.

Something inside of me snapped. I'll always wonder how different my life would be if she were here with us. I miss my mom and her warm hugs.

Pero siguro kung hindi nangyari ang lahat ng 'yon, baka hindi ko rin nakilala si Kyvo. At ngayong aalis na siya, wala na 'kong ibang hiling kundi ang maging masaya siya ro'n sa piling ng Mommy niya.