I Don't do Romance, Honey

In Loving Memory:Courtney POV

I walked up to the alter and put down my flowers next to the photos of Gwen and the lit candles. I stared at them for a moment then turned around to see a pale blonde behind me with some flowers as well
"Hey Courtney" she said hugging me
"Hey Dawn" I said hugging her back
"I'm glad you came." Dawn said setting hers down
"I'm glad you did too" I smiled as she smiled back and walked away.
All of Gwen's old friends were here. And I could just feel the hatred crawling on me. I have this pain in my stomach like all this was my fault. Which partly, it was. I detached from my thoughts and saw Heather, Alejandro, Tyler, Jose, and Duncan sitting in the front pew. I flattened out my black dress and went to sit next to Jose. I was so not prepared for my speech to Gwen.
~~~~~
My heels clicked as I walked up to the alter steps. I took my spot in front of the stand and set out my speech.
" My name is Courtney. I was a good friend of Gwen's in high school. We were 6th period art partners. I remember her rants and pieces about being against society and how shitty our world was. She had so much fire..so..so much determination. I admired her work, even though it was too graphic to be on school grounds. I had a boyfriend. I loved this boy. He was my world. And it was his birthday. His friend set up a vacation for him and a bunch of other sophmores. I went on the vacation and everything was going great. But that night, Gwen and him had hooked up. My friend witnessed it and told me. I was crushed. I wanted to fucking kill myself...." I choked up. "and now....i wish it was me who was dead instead of her. my friends and I made life a living hell for her. Called her a slut, boyfriend kisser, whore.....we tore her down. And I fucking killed her. I made her kill herself" I started crying out "I live every fucking day in regret knowing Gwen could've still been alive. and married. and graduated. and could be living in a house with her kids. but she's not. you don't know how much I want to kill myself because Gwen did. And Gwen, if you can hear me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it ended like this. I'm sorry for all I caused you. I'm sorry you were unhappy. I'm sorry you had to this. I love and miss you. And I hope you're still smiling with that smile you wear so well and you never changed. Goodbye."
and with that, I walked off the stage. and sat back in my seat with tears hitting my thighs and staining my black dress.