The Monologue of Her

I Need To Be Seen

Little V was always lonely. But she never seemed that way because it was always what she chose: to be alone. Glum and Gone were the ones who raised Little V, and despite being concerned for Little V's solitary habits, they soon realised her early independence was a blessing they could use to their full advantage:

"She'll be okay, she likes her own company after all".

"She'll be okay, she's used to moving around".

"She'll be okay, she always does her own thing".

But Little V was never okay. For from place to place she would move, from friend to friends she would lose, from up to down to left to right she would be pulled yet no one to ever ask her if she were alright. Glum never hugged Little V because Little Glum never got hugged. Glum never told Little V she was Loved because Little Glum never got Loved. So Little V learned to hug herself, alone. So Little V learnt to Love herself, alone. Except she never actually Loved herself, for at the time she did not understand what Love was; to Little V, Love was the feeling she got when she woke up at 6am on Saturday morning to play Lego Star Wars on the Wii. To Little V, Love was the feeling she got when Glum let her buy that Barbie movie she hadn't seen yet from ToysRUs. To Little V, Love was the feeling she got when someone paid attention to her because that's something no one ever did.

The truth is, Little V was always Lonely. But she never said anything because it was always what she chose: to be silent. Glum and Gone already had busy lives without caring for Little V and Little O, that was Little V's little big brother, so why should she make it harder for them by expressing her opinion?

"Don't talk back, you're being rude".

"Don't boss your brother around, he's older than you".

"Don't talk over other people, no one will want to talk to you.".

But Little V did want to do all of these things. She was a clever little human after all, reading book after book, googling question after question, thinking thought after thought. Gone never really liked Little V's questions but she only ever asked when he was there. So she didn't think it bothered him too much, it was only because he was tired. It was only because he'd had a long journey home. It was only because Glum was sad but he didn't know how to cheer her up. As time went on, Little V stopped asking Gone questions and he never asked after them because no one ever paid attention to Little V; no matter how much she talked, no matter how much she asked, no matter how much she didn't bother them. No one cared.

The truth is, Little V was always Lonely. But that's the reason that Big V's favourite person is herself, because she wanted to become the person Little V always needed. And through that, Little V is slowly healing within Big V: the person she always needed.