secrets do make friends

I've always thought growing up that clowns or spiders were the scariest thing. Until I realized that, the human mind is the scariest thing of all.

           I've known Alice about 3 years now. we meant our freshman year. We got along instantly. We had everything In common, our music taste, favorite movie genre ( horror of course), our favorite food. You name it and it was all the same. At first I thought it was kinda weird, because in reality when do you ever find someone who has the exact same taste as you with everything. But at the same time, I've always been kinda of a loner so it was nice and kinda of a breath of fresh air. I've never really "fit" in at my school. I'm super shy, and nerdy. And don't really care to fit in society's 'norms'. That was the one difference between Alice and I. she was very outgoing and did fit into society's 'norms'. But I didn't let it bother me because I finally have someone who enjoys being around me, so I didn't let it bother me much. What did bother me was, I never met her family, nor have i been to her house. Now don't get me wrong I know not everyone has the best family life, mine isn't amazing but it's not horrible. She told me that her family is very abusive and they do not get along. I don't even know where she lives, because she didn't want her family to see us drop her off at home because then they'd ask questions she didn't want to answer. She has met everyone in my family though, she's usually eats dinner with us, she stays the night pretty often and she's even been on family vacations with us.
      My sister's have gotten pretty curious about her family, as have I but, I know not to bring it up because it always ends in a fight. I'm not very good at conflict nor after 3 years, do I know  how to handle Alice when she's gets mad. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around her and never know what i can and can't say because she will lose her mind. But then again, that's another thing I try not to let bother me. Back to being curious, we have tried looking up her family on every website you could think of, even have looked her up and still nothing. it's like she and her family never existed. My sisters and parents have gotten worried over time and do think it's a little weird. I somewhat agree with them, but I don't know what really happens behind closed doors. So it's not my place to poke the bear and I also really don't wanna deal with the fight that comes with that conversation.  My sisters have joked a few time about her being killer or something like that. Which i think is dumb for them to even think about because there is no way she could ever hurt someone. So I've gone 3 years with just letting it go, and ignoring what my sister's say, until Alice started acting really weird.
               it's our senior year, we wanna move out of our small town, because honestly there is nothing here for us and I hate it here. As does she and she says she wants to get as far away from her family as possible. So we've been looking at places to go to college as well as getting our own place. I brought up moving to Colorado because ive always wanted to move there and its still pretty close to my family. but after i brought that up, Alice just got super mad and we actually got into a huge fight and i didnt understand why. She ended up apologizing but since then she has been honestly acting really weird. she has been asking like almost everyday if i still wanna be her bestfriend and if i love her and i do so i always reassure her. she's been super paranoid about everything. she gets super  frustrated with me when I wanna spend time with my family, and she's not invited. she also never hides her phone from me and isn't weird about those kinda things but lately she has been. It's not like she's my girlfriend or anything so at first I let it go. But if I'm being honest here, my curiosity has gotten the best of me. So, I've started doing researching and a little bit of stalking. If im gonna move out with this girl, I need to know everything. I mean, I've known this girl for 3 years and she knows everything there is about me, and I feel like I know nothing about her. She always carries this black backpack with her, but freaks out if anyone ever touches it, and after all these years I'm dying to know what's inside in. I invited her over this Friday to have a sleep over and when she goes to bed im gonna do a little digging.
                  Its Friday morning,  I get up, get ready, eat breakfast and  have small talk with my family as usual. Then I usually go pick up Alice and drive us to school since she doesn't have a car but for some reason today she doesn't want me to pick her up. So I don't, I just blast my music and head to school. I'm honestly very anxious to be around Alice, and I've never felt this way before. I know me going through her things is not a good decision but it's been 3 years and I need answers and she's just been so weird lately I know something is going on.  I go all day without seeing her, which makes my anxiety a little worse. What if she knows my plan, what if I do go through her things and I find nothing. She has realistically been my only true friend, even though there a few things about our friendship that is a little toxic, but it's better than being alone. or atleast I think. My last class is math, I hate math, I think it's beyond dumb I even need to take this class. But its life, so I show up but my mind is racing with so many things that I can't even focus on what the teacher is saying. I need to plan out how everything's going to happen and even plan in my head how I'm going to handle the situation if she catches me. there's only about 20 minutes left of class when i finally get a text from her.
 
  "hey, sorry I've been Mia today. things have been a little rough at home and I've been trying to figure some things out. but I'm still down for the sleep over tonight if you are? i heard there's a new horror movie that just came out , I think we should watch it. I'll bring some popcorn."