Too Important To Sacrifice

Chapter 1 - My Name is Zyla

My name is Zyla. Oh, who am I kidding? You know what, I don't even know who I am.

I sat there, outside the school canteen. School. A place most people dread to have to go to. Except for me. Well, I don't like school! But there is something at school that keeps me from staying at home... Or rather... Someone...

My friends were talking, I think. I don't know, okay! I didn't pay attention at all! Something about Ms. Pardy? I was just there, doing absolutely nothing except having my chin rest in my palm as I rested my elbow on the table vertically.

That's when I felt two short arms wrap around my ribcage; It was Abigail. She went by many names: Banana Bob, Abby, Toilet Roll, Ass hole, Dumbass, Bitch, Dreamy, Lovely, Love of my life- Wait, what? Nevermind...

"Zyla!" Abigail whined, holding the 'a' at the end of my name as she snuggled her head onto my right shoulder. I could feel her heart beating against my back. How close was she?!

"What, Abigail?" I asked. Okay, I'll admit, I sounded slightly annoyed. Unintentionally, obviously. Probably because of the unstable weather outside. It was currently raining. Raining like the tears of angels that had just been beat up and got their asses handed back to them. I hate it. No, I loathe it. Abigail slowly moved her away from my shoulder, her check lightly touching mine and her breath caressing my ear by just an atom. Her arms were still around me as she faced me, and her rosy lips shifted into a pout. Oh, that childish pout. How it makes me melt...

"Aww! Look at Zyla and Abigail!" Natasha gushed, breaking from her phone and conversation with Gwen and Tobias. This got the attention of the present members of the friend group. Gwen and Tobias shared a teasing smile with each other before turning their attention to the 'happy couple.' Andy broke away from her French revision. Demetri was just sort of wandering around, so she noticed the 'couple' immediately. "So cute!" Demetri squealed, almost falling down after forgetting that she had a giant bag on her back.

"Oh, c'mon Zyla! Just accept the fact that you are in love with Abigail!" Beatrice teased half-jokingly. The entire group began laughing, Gwen's being one of the loudest.

She's not wrong, I do like Abigail.

I thought I was straight.

But recently, the jokes didn't feel... like jokes anymore. Every time she hugs me, or even smiles at me... I just couldn't stop feeling a tingling sensation inside of me. Like every time she does something, it is like adding fuel to the flame of passion and love I feel for Abigail. I just can't stop the feeling anymore...

NO! It's just a friendship... right?

She reminds me of delphinium: delicate, cute, vibrant, tiny. She reminds me of warmly fresh baked cookies. The slightly bitter scent of clean clothes after being dried in the sun. The one glowing, yellow daffodil blooming in a beautiful field of red roses; she was one in a million... At least to me... She is the warmth of a fireplace on a cold winter's night... Warmth... She is the bubbly like the chemical reactions in Chemistry... Bubbly...

Obviously not in a romantic way; we're besties, right? Besties always joke about hugging each other... loving each other... marrying each other... Right?

"Zyla, why is your face red? You look like a tomato! You flustered?" Beatrice laughed, nudging Zyla as the others laughed along.

"Aww! Zyla, you must love me so much!" Abigail said, grinning playfully. Yes, I do. Too much to even tell her – or anyone for that matter. I don't know how to express my feelings when I look at that adorable smile on her adorable, and I mean ADORABLE face. God, I really want to hug her the way she does so easily to me. I want to throw my arms around her and hold her tight in a loving embrace like tomorrow will never come. Like it's just us... No one else... Just her... And me... I want to be with her.

Not necessarily in a romantic way! But I always want to be in her presence; I want to know what she is up to all the time; I want to always be there for her.

"Ew! No, I'm straight!" I heard my voice retort. Definitely. Sure, sure. Funny friendship, funny friendship.

Abigail broke the hug, releasing me from her tender grasp, and said apologetically, "Oh, she might not be comfortable. Sorry, Zyla, for not asking." Damn it! I wanted it so badly, so desperately. But I'm not going to say that! Definitely not. I'll sound suspicious. Plus, who knows what the others would think.

"It's fine," I mutter, my words not matching my initial thoughts. No, it's not fine. Please come back and hug me. Never ever let go again.

See, one thing I will never understand about my friends is how they can interact so openly with each other in just a friends' way. How can they hold hands and hug each other like it's no big deal? Why am I even being paranoid?! It's clearly friendship...

Honestly though, I know why: I've told them all I'm straight. I always used to push people away; I was always known as the "emo roadman" of the group, if you will. I will definitely look weird if I just walk up to someone and hug them. Does that mean I look not straight? Would people make assumptions? Would they think I'm weird or am I just overthinking this?

I voice in my head sounded: "Shut up, Zyla! You're straight! Totally straight! You're as straight as a ruler! They'll think you're weird if you suddenly showed affection." As this voice spoke, it felt as if chains were keeping me down. In my mind, I looked around an empty, black abyss but looked up and saw a rainbow. I reached but the chains just grew tighter and pulled me down to meet with the ground. This was what it was. The restraints of life and expectations. They held me down. Held me back. I could never escape my prison of aloneness-

"Guys, it's 08:18. We should probably getgoing," Gwen said as she always does, breaking me out of my thoughts. MissEarly-and-wanting-to-get-to-registration-on-time you just saved me fromdrowning in my suffering. I picked up my bag and followed the rest of myfriends to the form room.

~~~~~~The End of Chapter 1~~~~~~