what's out there ( a poetry story )

i gotta confession

i can't help it,
i don't know why i feel the way,
i feel

when it comes to
you

it's been almost 2 years since we talked,
i got over it,
yuh

but,
ever since the beginning of april
last year

i started thinking about you again
and
i don't know

why

i get jealous,
when i see you with other girls

i don't know why,
you aren't even

mine

i guess i just miss the
attention

you gave me

when you actually liked me
the way i

liked you

or
at least i felt like that

words mean nothing without action
and all you said was

words

sometimes,
i can't help myself but ask others about you

or just look at your pictures

honestly,
i wish that things could of worked out,
even if we were event together

good friends at least,

i know you don't live here,
and it still boggles my mind of how much
i still care

but,
that being said

i'll never forget what you did to me,
still hurts that you did that,
but what can i do?

i just stay thinking about you,

even before you left,
i got jealous when i heard things about you,

when you'd fuck other girls,
you fucked this girl in your car once,
cheating on your girlfriend

after july of that year,
you ghosted me and finally came to realization,

that you needed to tell me why,
you said,
"i don't want to hurt you and keep you waiting, i hope you find someone and i think you will"

but the thing is,

you did

you said we can stay friends,
never said anything after that

then,
not even 2 weeks later

you come back,
and that's where the mess started

you,

you seemed a little different,
different than

before

you weren't as flirty,
a little

i don't wanna say it

but

fake?

but i kept trying,
cause i really liked you

out of all of them actually

you decided one day,
you were slowly gonna stop talking to me,

and that's what you did

at the end of october,
you blocked me

i felt as if i was used for attention all fucking summer

than,
before the year ended,
you wanted to do something to bug me

and it worked,
cause yuh thought it was funny but

it wasn't

you're weird like that,
and i don't know why you're acting like that when i literally saw your dick on my screen lol

after all that,
you asked someone

"do you still talk to her?"
"yeah why?"

"oh,

i'm just asking"

why would you ask if you didn't care?
just a thought

like,
why you wanna know?

i don't know what it is,
is it your face?
the sound of your voice?
our past?

the attention you gave me?

i guess we'll see what happens?

will i see you again?

that something to figure out

but,
until then

next time you know better