Suicide would be easier

schizophrenic, suicidal, lesbian !

Intro Hi Im Drea, I am Who I Am.As You Read My Story you'll understand A little about who I am.So futher More Were should I start.First Time With A Girl or My mental Illness.Most Of This Is True.No Im not making fun of any mentally ill people.because I am one of them.so let me start by saying this im 18 yrs old & I can care less what u think.dont like it dont read it.I really deal with these issues also learning disabilities so if I misspell some thing just help me out.I dont have a problem with criticism but just dont be a bitch about because u clicked on it & you can click close also.

A/N No one knows what lead my to me being in the psychiatric hospital not even my mom.so mom if your reading this im sorry I didnt tell you.I was just embarrassed.so here my story

p.s im a stud (girl who dresses like a boy.) & no I dont wanna be a boy

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The Beginning

who would have known I'd be sitting here with no shoestring in tears.just wanting to go home.but i just got here so I dont think I'll be leaving any time soon.okay let me back it up a bit because I know its confusing. January 1st new years a day before my 17th birthday.I really didnt do anything but sit in the house dog sitting for my grandma & my girlfriend at the time.As usual the fam comes over for new years dinner.then I get a text from my friend we smoked chill all the time when we had the chance.I read the text *you around the way come come outside*.I did it.steeping outside it kinda felt like summer.there he was I hug him I haven't seen him in months.He was my bestfriend so of course I gave a hug.we walked for a bit.then we entered a abandoned house(a trap house).sat down on the crates & started to roll up.sitting there smoking and talking as usual like we do all the time no difference.After we were done we began to leave the trap house.He grabbed my arm which I didnt think nothing of at the time.was up I saud turning around trying to figure out why he grabbed me.He pressed his self against me so I pushed him away.seem like the more I pushed him the stronger her got.He kissed my nexk then I freaked pushing him as hard as I can.He pushed me against the sink.holding me a tight.I couldn't get away.I screamed stop but that just made him mad he choked me so I couldn't scream.I felt him harden against my stomach.why am I so weak.I started to cry hoping it wasn't going were I thought it was.He started to unbuckle his pants freeing his penis.his bare penis against my stomach made me sick.I just wanted to go home & be with my family. I just wanna go.I started to feel funny.not haha funny but like my heart started beating fast and my head began spinning.He said his jay would be strong. I should have known when he didnt want me to pass him the jay.so I faced the whole jay alone. I did it before so why am I feeling like this.my body was numbing and the room spinned fast.I was conscious but I couldn't move my body.I tryed screaming but he didn't stop.I could her him opening something.I think it was a condom.He was so strong.he held my arms down with one hand as he took my pants off.then he sled my boxers to the side.sliding himself inside me I cryed and cryed it hurt so bad.I layed there staring at the ceiling waiting for it to be over the whole time I just wanted to know why me.then I felt him explode inside me then I realize her wasn't wearing a condom.He got up and buckled his pants and left.he left me the unable to move.I cryed myself to sleep right there on the dirty trap house floor.