Note: You may read this while listening to Lany - Ex I Never Had
The sunday morning starts with the sound of hustle in the living room. Miu, still inside his duvet, snuggles his way in deeper to his bed. His hangover has not gone down and has this heavy headache all over his head. He soon realizes that he crashed down at Kana's apartment last night because he lost his one-block-away apartment's key.
He scrunches his eyes and tries to close his ears from the noises that can be heard outside across the room. He decides to get closer to the noise he keeps hearing in his half-asleep moment in a sunday morning, where he doesn't need to work.
Miu, looks at Kana while brushes his hair with his hand, "Where are you going early in the morning? It's still 9am"
"I'll go out with Liu for couple hours, he asked me to accompany him to buy some stuffs for his project and then probably having lunch after. Please help yourself, you know where everything in this apartment is in right"
The disbelief in Miu's face is obvious. Did he just hear it right. Liu? The guy who keep coming at him and showing his interest to Kana every moments he can? Nah can't be right.
"Really? I am right here in your apartment and you're going out with Biu?" Miu shows his dislike in such an obvious way by increasing his tone.
"So what? Do I have to ask for permission from you to go out with everyone? When you can just got drunk and crashed down in the middle of the night at my place? Who are you anyway?" Kana lost it.
"Kana!" Miu almost lost his way too and try to calm himself.
"Oh God, I don't have time for this. Liu is waiting for me downstairs. See you". Kana grabs his bag and wears his sneakers hurriedly towards the door.
Miu runs to him and hugs him from behind.
"Can you please not go? Stay...please. I have the right to ask for this"
"You don't have the right for anything, Miu. You're not my parents nor my boyfriend. So stop asking for your right to me". Kana had enough until now. Miu keeps asking and demands for almost everything, while their relationship have never been clear. Kana almost cries but he tries to hold it in and be the stronger person he is.
"Kana..please?" He tighten his hug from behind, not wanting Kana to leave and go out with Biu. His eyes is in the verge of tears.
Kana turns his back to look at Miu. He looks at the person he loves, but never once his loved ones clears out their relationship. Kana onced had asked about it but Miu just ignored them and changed the topic away.
"You know why I do this right? You're not oblivious about it, yet you still do it. Do you ever think about my feeling? I had enough with all of this uncertainty". Kana puts down his bag to the floor and holds to Miu's shoulder.
"I.....I don't know. I just can't. I don't want to lose you when it's established....our relationship" Miu covers Kana's round cheeks.
"Miu...it's been three years and you keep doing this to me. You promise me in the second year we met. Today is the third. I can't put myself in this situation anymore. I am hurt. You can go out with anyone you want, and I am okay with it because I trust you, but you won't let me even hang out with my friends occasionally. I can't even tell them why I can't go out with them. Because I couldn't just say 'my boyfriend will come over or my boyfriend asks me to watch movie'....I had enough for the past 3 years".
Kana let out all of his feeling that he has been hiding for long. He cries so much that Miu can't do anything.
"But Liu is not your friend...he keeps coming at you..." Miu, again, tries to avoid the main problem.
"The fuck??? It's not the problem! Do you even listen to me? Just...I don't want to talk about this now. I want to go far away from you. Sorry. Please just do what you please in my apartment, clean yourself and then go home. You know where to put the lock". Kana had his patience, but now it's all gone. Three years are enough. He rushes towards the door and slams it away.
Miu just stood there and looks at the slammed door. He falls down to his knee and cries hard, which he never done in his life.
