My Love Story

The Weirdest Place To Start

I guess I could start at the beginning.

The beginning.... I don't even know where that would be.

Do I start with my first ever crush? The day I realised I was bi? The first person I may have been in love with?

Or maybe it makes sense to start with the fact that I'm writing a love story when I don't even know if I'm capable of feeling love. And not in a fake deep, 'Oh poor me, I've been through shit and been hurt and will never open myself up to love again, until a very attractive person comes along and makes me realise I AM capable of feeling love again'.
I mean it in a 'I don't know if I've ever felt or ever will feel romantic attraction'. I think I might be aromantic. But that is a big scary word.

See the thing is I'm not 100% sure I've ever been romantically attracted to someone. I have definitely felt sexual attraction to people, but it's the romance part I've never been really sure of. Relationships aren't necessarily something I've ever wanted. Whenever I've had a crush on someone, take my first crush Luke Hemmings from 5SOS. Back in 2013/14 pretty much every other girl at my school was obsessed with either 5SOS or 1D. While they were busy planning their totally realistic future, weddings and life with these 9 boys I was busy thinking 'Why can't I just kiss them and be best friends with them, why do I have to date them as well?'.

I never really put much mind to it before now. Relationships weren't something I felt like I needed in high school and I didn't feel like I was missing out by not having one. But now I'm 20 and suddenly it feels like everyone else is starting on this amazing new journey called 'Loving, Committed Relationships', and I've missed the memo. Weirdly I still don't feel like I'm missing out but I feel like I should be feeling sad that I'm missing out. Does that make sense?

And that's not to say I haven't had deep, intimate, meaningful connections with people. I've had loads of beautiful connections with amazing people and I feel content with that.

Now you're probably wondering why the fuck I'm writing this book or why your reading this? We seem to have everything sorted out right? Well there you'd be wrong. Just because I have connections with people doesn't mean they're not complicated, trust me they've basically all have ended badly.

So I'm here to share these past and present experiences with you.
Maybe it'll make you feel a bit better about your love life. Or even better, perhaps you can learn from me.

Maybe I should name this book 'What not to do when your dating but not really dating in your 20s'.