Inevitably Intertwined

Prologue

"Pa'no bang mababawi
Lahat ng mga nasabi? Hmm
'Di naman inakalang
Ika'y darating lang bigla
Ng walang babala..."

I sang the first verse while closing my eyes. I remember telling myself again and again that I won't make a fool of myself because of love. Pero as usual, kinain ko rin naman lahat ng sinabi ko. No matter how scared we are of getting hurt by love, we will still end up succumbing to the pain that love has prepared for us. 

Minsan nga kung sino pa yung pinaka-iniingatan yung puso nila, sila pa yung mga lubos na nasasaktan ng pag-ibig. Like me, I made sure to take care of my heart. Sinigurado kong diretso ako sa daan na gustong kong daanan, but then, everything won't go as you planned, that's not how life or love works. No matter how much you try to maintain your life as it is now. Love will always find a way to mess you up. To break you. To teach you.

"Sa isang iglap, nagbago'ng lahat
Hindi ko na kaya pa na magpanggap.."

Tama nga naman, sa isang iglap nagbago lahat. I think it was that time, nung mga oras na sirang-sira ako tapos siya lang yung nasa tabi ko. 

"Ikaw ang kumpas 'pag naliligaw
Ikaw ang kulay sa langit na bughaw
Sa bawat bagyo na dumadayo
Ikaw ang kanlungan na kailangan ko
Kahit hindi mo alam, ilang beses mo akong niligtas
Ikaw ang hantungan at aking wakas..."

I opened my eyes to look at the audience because I was starting to get emotional. Sa huli kasi masyado lang akong nasanay na siya yung sandalan ko. Nakalimutan kong mula una sanay naman akong ako lang mag-isa. Kinaya ko namang mabuhay ng mag isa.

When I looked at the back of my audience my hands trembled, my heart beat changed and for a moment I forgot how to breathe. 

"Pa'nong maniniwala
Ika'y nasa 'king harapan? Hmm
'Di naman naiplano
Ako'y nabihag ng gan'to
Totoo ba ito?..."

He was there, looking straight in my eyes. His hazelnut eyes boring through my soul. But I didn't feel love, I didn't even feel a little bit of happiness upon seeing him. Rather I felt scared. Natakot ako na baka maulit na naman, na baka masira na naman ako. Takot na takot akong mabasag ulit. Masugat ulit. I was so damn scared to get cut by the sharp pieces of my broken heart again.

"Sana'y iyong matanggap
Kung sino ako talaga..."

Now that I think about it. He never accepted me as who I am. Because he never even knew me. Kung ano talaga ako. Hindi niya ako nakilala, at hinding-hindi niya na ako makikilala.

"Ikaw 'yung kumpas no'ng naliligaw
Naging kulay ka sa langit na bughaw
Sa bawat bagyo na dumayo
Ikaw 'yung kanlungan na nahanap ko
Kahit no'ng 'di ko alam, ilang beses mo akong niligtas
Ikaw ang hantungan at aking wakas"

It was like putting salt in my wounds. It was never even healed but now it's getting cut deeper.

 Bakit ba kasi siya nandito? At bakit ba kasi siya pumasok sa buhay ko...

                                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I finished the song and wrapped it up. After saying thank you to the audience I went down the stage and went to get a drink. "Whiskey, neat" I badly needed a drink, I knew he was here I just didn't want to care, like how he didn't care back then. "Give me three more glasses" I told the bartender which he immediately followed.

"Hey, hey what are you doing? You're driving home, you shouldn't drink too much." Zaniah stopped me from drinking my 7th glass.

"Okay, okay calm down, I'll stop after this. One cocktail please" The bartender hesitated and looked at Zani for approval. She nodded at James.

"Why are you drinking too much anyway? What happened? You didn't do anything after singing on stage." She eyed me curiously then looked around. Then she suddenly gasped in shock, right then and there I knew, so I stood up and went to the dancefloor to run away from my own pain and past. It was all ready and prepared but it wasn't time yet. Not yet.

I was dancing when I felt someone pull me away from the dancefloor to the parking lot. I was already dizzy and tipsy so I let the stranger pull me away from the bar. We stopped beside a silver Aston Martin, so I looked up to find the stranger so familiar that I didn't know if it was the alcohol or the nostalgia that made me want to puke. I looked away from him and turned to go back in the bar.

"Where are you going?" His voice was disgustingly painful but familiar. "You don't get to turn your back on me without saying anything"

"Where I go is none of your business. Shut up and stay away from me." I told him with venom on my voice and turned my back on him.

"Savannah Yvette Cristesa! Do not turn your back on me!" His voice boomed and echoed through the parking lot.

"You don't get to tell me what to do you asshole!" I shouted back at him. I increased my pace and changed direction, I went to my car instead of going back inside. I called Zanni, "Hey babe I'm going home first I have a fcking headache."

"What! Sav you're drunk how can you drive! I'll call the driver to pick you up wait there." She said panicking

"Zani, I can drive, I have no time to wait, a devil is after me" I said slightly laughing at what I called him. It fits him.

"So I'm a devil now huh?" I hear his voice near my ear. What? I didn't hear him coming near? I opened the door of my car and went in. I was about to close it when he stopped it and spoke. "I know. I know now..." He said that so soft and delicate as if he didn't want me to get hurt by his words. But it did. It hurt, so damn much. 

The alcohol in my system was easily replaced by a surge of emotions I couldn't name. Was it anger? Pain? Relief? I have no idea. All I knew was all my strength diminished then and there, my hands dropped to my side like a dead person. I expected those words to change my mind, but no, it didn't change anything....