The Darkest Shades

4.

I spend the rest of the day staring out my window, trying to think of some reasonable scenario for why everything horrible is happening to me. Every little girls worst nightmares are happening to my life.
My parents are on the verge of getting a divorce, my sister just died only a couple months ago in a car accident, my best friend thinks I'm a conniving bitch, and my two other best friends aren't even speaking to me.
The one question that keeps coming to my mind is, what did I do to deserve all of this?
I clutch onto the photo of my older sister and I at my birthday party when I was only eight--- when everything was alright. A tears rolls down my face, and I can't help it but let it fall onto my sisters beaming face in the photo. The memories of her stings. I miss her so much.
Before I even know it, there are packages of tears coming out. My face turns this red-pale color, and my nose starts to run, and my tears turn into sniffles and hyperventilating. I fall onto my aqua blue sheets, and let my mascara stain the sheets.
I cry harder than I expected to. I believe I even spent a good two hours there, just crying. My assumption was that maybe all these tears were streaming down my face was because I was holding them in too long, and I never thought to release them. Or maybe I wanted for once in my life to be strong, be brave, and act like nothing that was happening to me effected to me. By the looks in the mirror, I'm not strong nor brave.
I hear a faint knock on my door, and I don't even bother to wipe my face. Whoever awaits at that door is probably part of the reason I was crying in the first place. They deserve to see the monster I am now. I turn the metal knob, and whip the door open. My mother stands outside of it, with a mocking smile on her face. Her brown hair is in knots, and she has a vein about to pop out of her forehead. She places her hands on the curve of her hips, and she looks down to me.
"What?" I spit. "Do you want me to lend you some money because your 'in need', or 'poor and nobody cares for you'? If so, go fool some one else with that smile," I say, with a wise tone. Her "smile" fades, and her lips form a firm line like this morning, and a crease forms between her eyebrows. I take a step back, in case her fists decides to make contact with my face. Her face contorts, then it softens a few seconds later. She lets out a sigh.
"Addison, can I just please come in?" She looks desperate. After all she's done to break this family more with her screaming and cursing, how can I let that walk through my door? Somehow, I allow it.
I close the door behind us, and plop down on my bed, arms crossed on my chest.
"Haven't been in here in a while," she says, examining my room. She looks up at the pink and neon green light, then at the bookshelf, where there are stacks of books.
"Yeah, well um, maybe if you didn't spend your entire life slamming walls and cursing, you would be in my life a little more, including entering my room." She looks at me sharply, and her eye even twitches. "Your on a time limit, spit it out, missy." I sort of regret saying 'missy', it's something a wise ass would say, though I am entitled to being a wise ass, according to Ally. She might've not said it, but she was implying it.
"I am your mother," she hisses. "Don't you dare speak to me like that ever again! I have some words of my own, you know."
"Okay, I will start with my mine then. You are a bitch, you ruined this family, well for the most part. You have hardly said any words to me ever since I started high school, which I recall was over two years ago, oh let's not forget you speak the language of cursing, and um, oh yeah! I hate you."
It looks like I just sent a wrecking ball to destroy her. I could almost see her fall back, and crumble. It felt good to finally get that all off my chest, just maybe not good to actually say it to her. Can't do anything about it now.
"I-I didn't know you felt this way. And I didn't ruin this family. Your sister did by dying." I can see her lip quiver, and her eyes turn glossy. All the anger is now rushing up in me again.
It was not my sister fault.
"You take that back. You take it back now, you filthy whore!" I scream. "Get out of my life, get out of it right now. I don't want you. Your just some piece of shit that walks around this messed up house. I want you to leave, I want you to get hit by a bus. I hope it will hit you hard. Hard enough to knock some intelligence into you." I scream the word so loud my throat begins to get scratchy, and it starts to hurt. I take a big gulp, and try to continue without chocking. My eyes turn glossy just like hers. My moms arms fold around her stomach, and the tears begin to fall. I look away for a moment, then look back.
"Leave here knowing this, you are a good proportion for why my life is ruined. For why my life, your only daughter who is left life, is crumbling. Do your daughter a favor and leave, she won't miss you. It's not like you were ever around anyways, or at least I never noticed. So go, get out of my life." I turn around so I don't need to face her anymore.
And with that, I hear a slamming of my bedroom door and the noise to unlock the car in our driveway.
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