growing up you watched Gordan Ramsay closely, how he seasons the chicken with his buttery large hands. how he berates his kitchen staff on the daily. y/n has yelling kink. one day you turn over in bed and come face to face with the alpha male himself. his eyes snap open as his ocean orbs stare into your chocolate brown eyes. chocolate. the way he stirred the dairy product made you squirm in your seat.
"I can stir you like that" says the alpha male. his coarse voice penetrates through the air.
"i-i-i-i w-w-would l-like t-t-that s-s-s-s-sir." you say, feeling awfully nervous as the alpha male towers over you. (this is a good time to remind you he's a black belt in karate and he also does boxing)
suddenly the door slams open revealing Tana Ramsay, the alpha male's ugly wife.
"who is this petite wotsit?" says Tana.
"I'm his future wotsit" you say confidently as he wraps an arm around your curvy waist. then another bombshell alpha male enters the villa, Jamie Oliver.
"I'm in love with you, my little pony" says Jamie as his strong figure hovers over you. you get out of bed and run into Jamie's arms. you vigorously sob while Jamie wraps his arms around you. you pull away and notice the trail of tears and mascara on his white skintight top.
"oh my god Jamie, I'm so sorry" you say as you look at the evidence of your sorrow.
"it's okay love, got it from Tesco. managed to put it in the £3 meal deal innit darling."
suddenly Gordon rises from the bed, showing off his orange 17 pack. sweat streams down his muscular stomach
"I have to confess" you say as tears prick at your eyelids
"what is it mon amor?" (they knew of my Italian heritage)
"I'm actually Gino D'Acampo's daughter" you state as shocked and hurt expressions cross their faces
"i want £3 for my shirt you bitch, you lied! lovers don't lie! we were meant to make school meals healthy!" says Jamie as tears stream down your face. he hurt you with that word.
"I also have something to confess" says Gordon
"what is it?" you say puzzled
"I'm engaged to Gino D'Acampo, we wanted to keep it a secret from you, girlboss. now you can call me daddy more openly"
the floor shakes. thinking it was an earthquake, you leap into your new daddy's arms before looking down at Jamie's lifeless body. he collapsed after refusing to go to Merry Berry's place for food.
"someone call the doctor!" you say before pausing. you are the doctor
"maybe the twat should've gone to Binley Mega Chippey" says Gordon as he throws you on the floor. you forgot you leaped into his arms, causing his day old stab wound to reopen.
"what daddy! why are you bleeding?!"
"maybe it was because a fat cow leaped into my frail little arms and Jamie stabbed me last night in the middle of Croydon whilst I was walking to my hot pink girl boss car, gifted to me by your daddy."
you gasp as you grab the sewing needle and start to sew his inflamed skin with hot pink because he's a bottom. Gordon shrieks as this wasn't the medical procedure. but I, a doctor knows better. I put the needle back in the tub before stumbling over Jamie's corpse to place it back on the bedside table. i kick his head with Gucci flip flops daddy Gordon bought for me as an anniversary gift because Jamie interrupted my journey to the bedside table. you turn to your new daddy, Gordon
"if you're marrying my dad, can I have your wife?" you beg on your knees as Gordon looms over you. the door slams open again revealing your other daddy, Gino. he shrugs off his leather jacket that was stolen from Gordon's closest and throws it on what he assumed to be the coat hanger when in fact it was Gordon Ramsay's wife. Gino kicks the corpse aside as he drunkenly stumbles over to you. he places a kiss on Gordon's tender lips. an ounce of jealousy ripples through you. but you had to remember, Gordon is not your partner anymore. he's in fact your stepdad seeing as your mum fell into a ravine. you get up off of you knees as your daddy and stepdaddy pull away from their messy kiss.
"you never answered me, can I have your wife?" you say as you stare into Gordon's diamond orbs.
"yeah whatevs, you can have her" he says as you turn to see Tana peeling off the coat that once belonged to Gordon off of her head. she looks dejectedly at the small family in front of her.
"but she's your great aunt" Gino says as he looks at you puzzled. your eyes widen as you look longingly at Tana.
"but I love her more than Jamie" you say as you look down at the fly-infested corpse.
"wait" you say before pausing
"I was here to tell Jamie I'm pregnant with his girlboss twins" you exclaim as you rush to find your purse, filled with positive pregnancy tests.
"I'll be their father figure" says Tana as she grabs your hands. she leans in and places a kiss on your cheek. you blush vigorously as Gordon looks at you two
"slayyy girlboss" Gordon says
*THE END*
