I hate everything !!
Sometimes i wish i could roll up in a ball in my bed and lay there untiI the next day or maybe a few weeks past so throughout my days of my life i wouldn't have to worry about anything.
"To be honest, there's not much in my life that's special enough either because I'm always ending up alone or either hurt because of the careless mistakes that been taking place in my life that makes me feel like I'm not worthed, and I just really don't get it why? and really don't understand anything anymore at this point.
As much as i say I'm over it or done with things I'm always ending up back in that dark space in my heart that tells me to keep trying with the wrong, when my mind is telling me another thing. I swear these day's now that were living in are getting worse and worse by the minute.
But "why"? How come i can't have that normal life that you see off those movies with the perfect ending that certain people look forward to in a story, well aleast if you really want my opinion it's just nothing more than to "sail your soul " and maybe "drift off into the ocean " somewhere on a paradise Island with no worry's at all.
Am i depressed ? And always depressed ? Hell yes My depression will never go away as long as I'm on this earth even though this feeling is probably neutral i still sometimes wish i was as "smooth sailing as the ocean water through the night ",and as "cold as the winter when you need to aleast wear several jackets ", But no... you will never understand me ! 'yes ? The real me.
"nicole i will like to be called and nothing other than my birth name that i will not say, I will currently continue to act like the bitch one day and the sweet hearted kind and giving person the next, and if you ever for one second think i would ever change for anybody "hell no, never only if it's for myself if needed, and I will never execpt anything less and i will never settle for anything other than what's best for me.
I guess I'm sailling /but not sailing in some kinda odd way ? i feel just as normal as anybody else on this world, but inside my soul I'm not myself and i don't know the real me aleast not yet it's more of me still trying to find myself in this world like any body else so i guess you can say "I'm sailing /not sailing.
Thank you for reading !!
