Angel Of My Dreams

1

Leah

"Now you see, getting hurt and feeling pain are two different things."

"Describe feeling pain to me."

God. This counselor won't stop asking questions!

"Pain is like a black hole," I replied with in a monotone voice.

"Elaborate on that for me."

"Pain is like a black hole because it consumes you. Swallows you whole. You see a black hole and go 'oh shït. It's a black hole'. You see pain and you go 'oh shït. It's pain.' Inside a black hole there is no light, no life, no hope of survival." I took a deep breath and blew it out before I continued, "Once you feel pain, there is no more light at the end of the tunnel, nobody there to help you or guide you, no chance you are ever getting back alive. Getting hurt is like you just skimmed your knee and it stings a bit. Feeling pain is like your soul is being ripped from you. That's pain."

The therapist just looked at me with a blank stare. I couldn't even remember his name. Dr. Doom? No that's not it. Dr. Drake Ramoray? No, that's a Friends episode. Damn. I really can't remember.

"Well then. That's.. Uh.. All for today. We'll pick back up next week," he stood up and opened the door, obviously wanting me out of his office as soon as possible.

I stood and walked straight out of there as fast as I possibly could. I hated going to therapists and counselors.

The one time you slap the bîtch who picked on you for three years. The one time! Everybody found out, she played the 'oh I'm so innocent, she just slapped me for no reason, I'm the nicest person who wouldn't hurt a fly' card and so I got a choice between detention for the rest of the year or go to a therapist once a week for two months. I finally let some of my dark feelings out and BAM! The wave of counselors and therapists and doctors.

As I walked out of his office, I spotted someone who looked really familiar. I racked my brain trying to think of who it was and then it hit me.

Literally.

I wasn't paying attention and I ran right into the person. I felt strong arms grab me as I lost my footing and pull me back up so I was standing on my feet again.

Oh. My. God. Blaine Kingston.

"Jesus Christ! Watch where you're going," he yelled at me, "Wait a minute. I know you."

"Uh. No you don't." I did not want to have him associate me with him.

"I do! I know I do. Lauren?"

I shook my head. All I wanted was to get out of this office before he remembered anything about me.

"Lanie. No that's not it. L-L-L... Leah! That's your name!"

My face flushed red when he figured out my name.

"What? What's wrong?" He shook my shoulders and looked me in the eyes.

"Uh.. Uhm.. Err." I couldn't get any words out.

Say something!

"What are you doing here?" I finally found my words.

"Coach told me to go see the councilor. Apparently I've been "acting like a girl,"" He held up two fingers on both of his hands and signaled air quotes.

I just stared at him and couldn't find a single word to say.

Dammit, Leah! There's over a million words in the English dictionary! Put them together!!

"So I'll see you around?" His voice brought me back to reality.

"No. You won't." I replied dryly.

"Why not?" He tilted his head in confusion.

"Because you're a jock and I'm a nobody." I said quietly with my eyes toward the ground

His eyes glazed over with some confusion but cleared so quickly I almost missed it.

I walked off without him replying to me. He probably didn't want to be seen with someone like me anyways.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to my annoying as hell alarm clock. I swung my arm out to hit the snooze button but ended up totally missing, flinging myself out of bed. As I laid flat out on my stomach on the extremely plush carpet, an annoying as hell knock pounded on my door.

"LEAH MAE, YOU GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF BED THIS INSTANT!"

"Good God, Mom. I'm already out of bed," I grumbled quietly.

"CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

"I think China hears you!" I yelled back to the irritating woman on the other side of my door and threw my pillow at the door.

You see, Mom and I don't have a very good relationship. She and my dad were always gone, doing God knows what for three weeks every month. I only see them a few days at a time before they leave again. Sometimes I don't see them for two or three months at a time. We don't exactly see each other often enough to 'bond'.

I finally sat up and wiped the sleep out of my eyes before yawing for the bazillionth time. I stood up and trudged to my closet and selected my Green Day t-shirt and my dark skinny jeans. I quickly changed and walked to my bathroom.

I flipped the light switch and immediately regretted it. I was blinded instantly and shut my eyes. Slowly opening my lids, my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the small room.

I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth to get the morning breath taste out of my mouth. I brushed through my dark brown hair and surveyed myself in the mirror.

I wasn't terrible looking but I hated the way I looked anyways. I was a measly 4 when every one of my friends was an easy 10.

My hair laid in a mix of waves and curls and straight pieces a bit past my shoulders. My face was too pointy and my neck too long.

My friends tell me that I look gorgeous but I don't believe them. I mean, how could I? They are just telling lies anyways.

I turned off the light and grabbed my backpack from my room. I checked to make sure I had my phone and my headphones before I walked downstairs.

I strolled into the kitchen, grabbed an apple and walked into the living room. I slipped on my converse and snatched the house key from the table.

"See you later!" I yelled out to the house, hoping one of my parents would hear.

I slammed the front door shut and started to make my way to school. Also known as prison.

Let my day of hell begin.