The End is Never the End

Chapter 1

Screaming, explosions...his face, oh his face. I sit up gasping, it's that dream again. It's been 17 years and it still haunts me. I was only 26 years old. I was being carried on a stretcher out of battle while my friend lay there limp. The explosion got us both but he took the most damage. I was able to get put together with a metal like a robot you see in the movies. I reach for the bottle of gin next to the bed. One sip. Come on, relax. 2 sips. Forget. 3 sips turn to 4 sips, 4 to 5. Soon the bottle is empty and my body is numb. It's gone, the sounds and worries are gone.
I wake up on what seems to be the next day. Must have slept through the day, Gin normally makes me tired. I sit up groaning while my head is throbbing. I stumble towards the bathroom and pop a few pills to help with my head. But there's really no point. The pain would come back along with the sadness and grief. Those things stick with you like the toilet paper on your shoe or the gum under the railing on the subway. Crap! The bottle of pills spills on the floor with a loud crash. I zoned out too much and I just made an entire mess. Good job Z! I sigh sliding down the wall, tears threaten to spill from my eyes. Come on Z don't cry, you don't need to. Don't cry, don't cry. "Pathetic" the voices in my head get louder. "Look at you, curled up on the floor like a child" Shut up! "Pathetic, that's why you couldn't ever save him" No! That's not it. That's not true! Oh who am I kidding. It's true. The voices were always right. I am pathetic. Lying here on the floor all sniffly. The metal of my body creaking with every pathetic cry for escape. I sit up at a last attempt at pulling myself together but it's futile. The pills on the floor were staring at me as if the white objects were taunting. I'd never been one for pills but in this state something about the fact that they're supposed to heal. Supposed to help and make the pain go away was alluring. But, they weren't going to make anything go away for they were mere headache relief.
I collected the small objects off the ground and placed them back in the bottle, staring at myself in the mirror. Pale skin and gray eyes staring back at me. The silver of my torso and the small nuts and bolts against the rusted plates that made up the missing part of my body. I stumble out of the bath, heading to the kitchen to grab a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. Not that that's different for any normal day but today, something was off. The intent behind the drinking, the need for escape were more or less now an escape from life permanently. Whatever it was, it didn't stop me from slumping back into my bed taking a long big sip. The burning liquid left an oddly comforting warm feeling in my body. Soon the bottle was empty but that wasn't enough. I was numb enough. Not gone from reality enough. I grab a bottle of cheap dollar store vodka. At this point, I don't care what I'm drinking. Not long after, like the previous bottle it was soon gone. All of a sudden there was a sharp pain in my abdomen. Yes, my body was a mechanical miracle but, my organs were all the same, and well flushing my body with alcohol all day everyday wasn't the best. But this pain in my side was almost crippling and I wouldn't be surprised if it was my organs failing. Frankly i'm ok with it. Maybe death, dying here in my small apartment where no one would find me. No one would question whether or not I was gone. As sad as it would be to most it was comforting. I don't have any friends because they all gave up on me. My mom and dad left. So who would even bother to try and find me. No one.
The pain in my side grew to the point where it was almost unbearable. And then it all stopped. My body felt almost gone. It was as if I was floating. Is this it? Am I really leaving this plane of battle I was so obviously losing. I sat there for a minute accepting this fate but then, Wait..I can't die like this. No, I can't die not yet. I-I cant! And yet it was almost as if the gods answered my cries because I fell back into reality. I don't know what and or why I was given this chance. The ability to do the one thing I never was able to do, for so many years but I thank you. Once my body fully came back the pain in my side came back as well but that didn't stop me. I reached for the phone on the side table scrolling through my contacts. There's been so much, I never got to tell him. Hell I can't speak his name anymore without hurting but this, this chance I had I didn't want to pass it up. I wasn't going to die in vain. I stopped his contact, the one I avoided all this time. Was it stupid to call a dead mans phone? Maybe. My heart started pounding and the sounds of him screaming filled my ears again. No, no I can't call him. I dont have the strength to. I sigh trying to get his voice calm and select the message option and write him a simple text.
"Hey bud,
It's been awhile, hasn't it? I know I can't see you and I know you won't be able to read this but, I miss you. A lot, frankly and I'll see you soon. By the time you'd have read this, if you were still alive, I'd be gone. I love you dude.
Sincerely, Z"
I set my phone down on the side table taking a deep breath and headed towards the bathroom to finish the process that happened earlier. Searching the cupboard for pills, I got a while ago and popped them into my hand shakily. Well, I guess this is it isnt it?I pop the several pills and sit in the bathtub content with what was about to happen. It's been a while since I've been content but I'm glad I can stick out my last little bit doing so. Reminiscing about the good times. The friendly faces I so dearly missed. The times when I was little and had nothing wrong with me. My only worry in the world was talking to people and school work. Oh what I'd give to be able to go back to that time. The faces of my parents dancing vividly in my head. The time when my dad took me for ice cream after learning how to ride my bike. The time when my mom was sick so I made her a whole meal and almost burnt down the kitchen. Heh, those were good times. A bit later a familiar floaty feeling took over my body causing me to relax completely. Death isn't as scary as I thought it would be. Maybe this is the best thing. I won't be a bother to people anymore and well I won't be in pain anymore. I'll finally be free from the chains that have weighed down my mind. That's what I thought at least. I don't remember what happened between that time and when I woke up in this blazing white room.