Chapter Twenty Three

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CONNOR MCDONOUGH'S POV:
When I woke up, I laid there for a few minutes. After I had woken up so I didn't feel and look as much like a zombie, I decided to get up. When I got up and walked to the front part of the tour bus, Harper, Toby, Riley, Thomas and Braiden were there. When I walked in, Harper looked at me. I looked back at her. It was so obvious that something was wrong, it hurt. "Harper, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked. She looked a bit shocked but got up and followed me to the back of the tour bus. "I'm really sorry about what I said to you. That was rude and uncalled for. Even though you were rude to me, that gave me no right to say what I did. I know I hurt you and I'm really sorry. Please forgive me..?" I said. She just stood there, shocked at what I just said.
"Connor, I forgave you a long time ago. I was just trying to do you a favor by leaving." She said. "Thank you, but I don't want you to leave. I never did." I said. "Really?" She asked. She sounded happier but in a way, she sounded like she didn't believe me. "Really. When I saw that you left, I was worried sick. And when Toby brought you back, I could tell you had been crying." I said. She just looked at me. "I'm sorry I was rude. I guess this is all my fault.. I should of just told you what was wrong." She said. "It's not your fault. It's no ones fault. What's wrong?" I said. "I can't tell you. Or Toby. Or anyone." She said.
This can't be good..
"Why? You know you can trust us.." I said. "I know. But if I tell you guys then you'll start to worry and I don't want that.." She said. "Why would we worry..?" I asked. "Promise you won't tell them?" She asked. "I promise." I said. "Pinky swear?" She asked. "Pinky swear." I said. Why are we pinky swearing like 5 year olds?? Lolol she mumbled something but I couldn't hear her. "What?" I asked. She mumbled a little louder but all I could hear was "Last night". "You can tell me.." I said. "I was having suicidal and self harm temptations and thoughts." She said. She looked terrified. "Why? You didn't do anything did you?" I asked, concerned. "No.." She said. I could tell she was lying. "Harps.. Please don't lie.." I said. "I'm not.." She said, looking at me. "Then you wouldn't mid if I checked your wrists.." I said. She didn't say anything. She just put her arms behind her. "Harper.. I'm not going to be mad.. I'll just want to know why.." I said. She looked like she was about to cry. "It doesn't matter why.." She said. "Harper.. Please.." I said. "No. You don't need to know. What you don't know won't kill you." She said. A few tears fell and I reached to wipe them off but she just pushed my hands away and sat down on the couch thingy. "Harper.." I said, sitting down next to her. "Yeah?" She said after a few minutes. "What's wrong?" I said. "I can't tell you." She said.
"Why?" I asked. "Because.. Chances are, it'll just hurt you, Toby and Riley. I don't want you guys to get hurt. Just trust me on this. I'll be fine.." She said. "Why would it hurt us? Sure, it hurts us when your hurting physically and mentally.. But the way you're talking, it sounds like it wouldn't be you that would be hurting us." I said. "Because it wouldn't be me. It'd be your-" she just stopped and looked at me. "Never mind." She said. "Tell me." I said. She looked like she was having a hard time telling me. "Last night, when you all went to sleep, I got on Twitter.." She said. "Okay.." I said, waiting for her to continue. "I had a bunch of notifications and most if not all of them were from your fans.." She said. I sat there, waiting for her to continue.
She stood up and started pacing a little then stopped. "They were all saying how I didn't deserve.. Toby and that.. I should just.. Kill myself.. And keep.. Cutting.. And.. They were saying that.. They hated me.." She said. She was crying which made it hard for her to speak. "Not one of them.. Was saying anything.. Nice at all.." She had turned and was facing the wall.
Then she turned and looked at me. He makeup was running down her face but I didn't care. "Why do they.. Hate me?.. What did I do.. To them?.." She said. "You didn't do anything. They're probably jealous because Toby just an amazing girl." I said as I wiped the tears off her face. "No he didn't.." She said as she went and say down again. I sat next to her and put my arm around her. "Yes he did. I wouldn't want him dating anyone else.." I said. She just leaned on my shoulder. "Do you want me to get Toby?" I asked. She nodded and raised up. I stood up and went in the other room. Thomas, Braiden, Riley and Toby were all talking and laughing. I walked over to Toby. "Hey, Harper needs you." I said. He looked at me and stood up. "Why? What's wrong?" He asked, worried. He could tell something was wrong from the way I spoke or my facial expression I guess. "I'll explain later." I said. He rushed in the back part of the bus.
TOBY MCDONOUGH'S POV:
Connor said Harper needed me. I could tell something was wrong. I could just feel it. I rushed in the back part of the tour bus and she was sitting on the couch thingy. She was crying pretty hard. I closed the door thingy and sat down next to her. I put my arm around her and she buried her face into my chest. "It's okay, baby.. I'm here.." I said. She just cried into my chest. I put my arms around her and held onto her. I don't know what's wrong.. But when I find out, I'm going to have to fix it. She ended up crying herself to sleep again. I just sat there for a while, holding her close. After a few minutes, I decided to put her in her bunk. I picked her up and I stood up, she woke up and looked at me. "I'm sorry I woke you." I said, talking lowly for some reason. "It's fine. I'm kinda glad you did.. I need to talk to you.." She said. "Alright.." I said as I sat her down and sat down next to her.
"Last night I got on Twitter and your fans.. They sent me some things." She said, sighing at the end. "What kind of things?" I asked. "Hate. I know I was going to get a bunch but.. Goodness. I got at least 100 notifications and every single of them was telling me I should go kill myself or I should keep cutting or that I didn't deserve you.. Sometimes I'd run into one that contained all three." She said. "You didn't do anything.. Did you?" I asked, dreading the answer. "N-no.." She said. "You did, didn't you?" I asked. She just looked at me and her eyes started to water. "I'm sorry." She whispered. I just pulled her into a hug. "I love you. Please never hurt yourself again.." I said. "But I deserve it." She said as a year fell and she looked at her hands. I reached over and gently pulled her head up so I could look in her eyes. I wiped the tears off her face. "Why in the world would you think that?" I asked. "Because I know I do." She said as more tears fell. "No you don't. No one does." I said. "Well.. Then I'm no one." She said. "No you're not.." I said as I pulled her into a hug. She hugged me back and we kept hugging for a long time.
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AUTHORS NOTE:
Hai I hope you enjoyed the chapter :P xx comment and/or like if you did xx :) love ya'll stay strong <33

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