Life went on like a broken record on repeat. My life's rhythm was off beat, out of sync with reality. It wasn't the same. Not without Yumi. A feeling of dread weighed my heart down at the thought of anything bad happening to her. Is that why she wasn't answering my texts? Is that why she never called back? Maybe she did get bored of me. Even if she was just using me as an outlet to let out her emotions or rant to me, I still needed her with me. I made a promise; no matter how many of her promises she'd break, I will always keep mine.
。 • ˚ * 。 • ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 • ˚ *˚。
It's been three days. The weather was starting to slowly descend into winter, the autumn leaves were soon to be covered in fresh morning frost. My favorite season was ending, which saddened me in a very comforting way. The time was coming. The fifth anniversary of when I met Yumi- the anniversary of when I saved her from death itself.
The day right after that, it snowed. It was the first snow, and I got to witness it with her. The flakes looked so perfect, gracefully dancing down from the sky like it was nobody's business. The gray hoodie I gave her the day before kept her warm from the tiny icy flakes that looked like powder sugar coming from the sky. Tasteless powdered sugar.
Every year on that day we would sit together on my balcony, looking out at the city while eating microwavable Tteokbokki we got from the local Lotte Mart, which astonishingly was only five blocks away. The whole time we sat there, we just sat and talked for hours until it got too dark. That's when she'd leave, go back to her condo, and start playing our Street Lights playlist. Once I heard it come on, I'd be lying in bed, just listening to it. I would close my eyes, thinking of her. It helped me sleep knowing she's alright. I could never live knowing she got hurt. That would mean I broke my promise, and I could never do that.
Four
Five
Six
Seven
I began crossing out dates on my calendar. School ended almost a month ago, so it's not like I could just see her at school or something. Easily, I could text her, but she wasn't responding. Never in a million years though would I go to her apartment. I don't know how her parents would feel about that. They don't know much about me. Actually, now that this is crossing my mind, I don't think they know me at all. She's never talked about me to them. She's never talked about them.
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
The red marker lines reminded me of Y's arms that day. How depressed was she to the point she turned to cutting her skin as if it were paper? There are so many hotlines, so many people she could have reached out to, yet she kept it all in. Did she not want to bother people? Was she scared? Is that why she only talked to me about this stuff? Because she trusted me? Of course she trusted me, or else she would've stepped off of the ledge that night.
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Days seemed even slower without her responding. I was tempted to knock on her condo door. It's not like I could just do that out of the blue. I'm sure she just needed some space, that's all. For all time's sake, I went to my laptop and played our Street Lights playlist.
↳ currently playing ;;
[노력해볼게요 I'll try] - [Day6]
0:56 ——•———————— 3:43
↺ << ll >> ⋮≡
ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ: ————• ılı.lıllılıı.ıllı
The day we created this playlist was like no other. We were sitting on my balcony, the 2nd year anniversary of our meeting. She told me she wasn't happy, so I asked her if she wanted to listen to music. Our music taste has always been similar, so it wasn't hard finding some good songs to put onto a playlist. We listened to the playlist a lot that day. Afterwards, when it was time for her to go home, she asked me a question that stuck with me for a while.
"What happens if I want to hurt myself, but you aren't there to stop me?"
It took me a while to answer. That's when I realized that my answer had to be truly from my heart or else it'd feel fake.
"If you ever start to feel depressed again, or get a panic attack, I'll always be a message away. And if you can't text me, then play our playlist." I responded to her.
She never wanted to text me. I've always assumed it's out of worry that I won't respond or that she's 'annoying me'. So usually, she plays our playlist. Yumi also doesn't know I can hear it when she plays it. The amount of times she plays Street Lights scares me sometimes, making me think she's going to do something; I know she wouldn't unless she turns it off unexpectedly. There's these little subtle clues that I get from her that she doesn't even know she leaves behind. Those clues help me understand how she's feeling since she almost never says it out loud or straight forward.
Like if she texts or calls me, it's the way she phrases her sentences, her intonation or the way she speaks. Whenever I see her, I check her arms to make sure she didn't hurt herself. She only calls when it's really bad, texts when she knows I'm awake or available. It sounds like such a one sided relationship, but she'll never understand how much she's given me. That's something I regret.
。 • ˚ * 。 • ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 • ˚ *˚。
That night on the rooftop when I first met Yumi, I was there because my sister wouldn't leave me alone. I had just gotten done ghosting almost all of my ex-friends since they were toxic, and spreading rumors about the people they bullied. Behind their backs, I debunked the rumors, and made friends with those people. I only did it so then I could gain their trust, so I could make sure they were alright. I had to let them know I was here if they needed to talk to anyone. Now, when my "friends" found out, they were pissed. They went around to everyone they knew saying I slept with a bunch of girls at my old school while "in a relationship" with one of the girl's fell victim too. People began to hate me, even though it wasn't true. So I did the one thing I could.
I killed them.
When I was done, I was planning on jumping off. No point in living after that; I comforted everyone I needed to, and got my revenge. I had a change of plans when I saw Yumi, though. She needed my help, she needed me. From the moment I saw her, I knew she was different and that I needed her in my life. She was innocent. She wasn't a bully; no, she was being bullied. Making a promise is easy. Keeping one is hard. I promised to protect her at any cost.
Any.
Cost.
She was one of the people my ex-friends targeted. She doesn't know I'm the one who messaged her through Instagram telling her it's alright and that I'm here for her. In fact, she found it pretty weird, as she told me before. A smile spread on her face when she told me how her bullies died in a car accident.
I'm glad I made her smile.
heh.
"Car accident"
It's not my fault that there were no streetlights, now is it?
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ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ ɪ'ᴍ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ || 𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧
Fanfiction{YUMI'S POV} I stood up on the ledge. Careful, careful. I took a couple more steps before getting ready to step down off the ledge. Just then a strong gust of wind came again. My legs began to shake as I tried to brace myself, but it knocked me off...
